I have kept a diary, albeit intermittently at times, since 1977. I cannot remember what the impetus was in January 1977 to start this process, but I am glad that I did. I still find it fascinating to read old diaries and to recollect exactly what my thoughts were at differing times in my life.
In particular, I guess, the most descriptive position of the diaries covers the period from November 1978 to March 1979 written in Teheran during the Iranian revolution. Many times I thought I would not leave Iran alive. One day I may put those diary extracts here on the web.
It is also interesting reading back, just how depressed I seemed to be during large portions of my life. Often life did not seem to be going in the direction which I wanted it to, and I also had some difficulties in coming to terms with my sexuality. However I do not think that I was as depressed as the diaries suggest. When life is going well, and I am busy, I do not have time to write diary entries. When I am feeling down and am alone, that it the time for committing my thoughts to paper. So inevitably, the angst-ridden times get most coverage.
At the start of 1999, I decided that since I had just set up a website, I would write my diary entries directly onto the web rather than in a book. This would take no more time, and I thought it might be interesting to share my thoughts. I also thought that putting entries onto the web might give me the impetus to write an entry every day and not leave the large gaps that were noticeable in previous diaries.
However, putting a diary on the web has certain consequences. Diaries are very personal. Often I use the entries to define my thoughts or as a release for my emotions. I may say things in my diary about events, or about people, which I would not say in public.
By putting a diary on the web, I will inevitably lose some of the intensity of the emotion, and will have to water down the personal nature of the entry. I must be aware that the entry could be read, not just by anybody who happens to access this site, but by close friends and people about whom I care deeply.
I want to be honest and spontaneous, but I need to remember that I must protect the anonymity of those who want privacy, and must have a certain amount of care in what I write about my reactions to people. The diary is not a way of getting back at those who annoy me; not can it now be a place for airing innermost secrets.
In many cases this diary will be rather trivial and probably badly written. The need to make an entry every day will lead to that. The following pages will be more interesting for me in the future than for any outside reader. But if you want to read about not just what I have done, but also about what I think and feel, then I hope that you can obtain some interest, maybe even some insight, from these diary pages.
READ
the diary pages.
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© AGW 1999
