APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE:This application will be incomplete and rejected unless 
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and 
current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________  
DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT____________  WEIGHT_____________  IQ__________  
GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________  
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND 
BADGES_____________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS__________________________  CITY/STATE___________  
ZIP_____
Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________  If NO,
explain___________
______________________________________________________________________

Number of years married________If less than your age,
Explain 
_______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________

Do you own a van?_____  A truck with oversized tires?_____ 
A waterbed?__________
A pickup with a mattress in the back?______  A condom?______
Pornography?_______
Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?________ 
A tattoo?___________
(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you? 

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Church you attend_________________________________  
How often you attend _______
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and
priest?_____________
Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers 
are confidential.
(that means I won't tell anyone EVER)
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would
be________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is
my________________________
C: A woman's place is in
the__________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about
is____________________
E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first
is______________________
NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue.  Leaving premises
keeping
your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
What do you want to do IF you grow
up__________________________________________
What is the current going rate of a hotel
room?____________________________________
Condoms come in A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE (circle 
one)

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO 
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, 
RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name moron)

Thank you for your interest.  Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you 
injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two
gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your 
back).