YOUR MOMMA IS SO FAT...

     -I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
     -When she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
     -They had to grease a door frame and hold a twinkie on the other
       side to get her through.
     -When she dances she makes the band skip.
     -Instead of Levi's 501 jeans she wears Levi's 1002s.
     -When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor
        gave her 13 years to live.
     -She puts mayonaise on aspirin.
     -Her ass has its own congressman.
     -Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
     -When God said "Let there be light" he told her to move her fat ass
        out of the way.
     -When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw HER peanuts.
     -When your father mounts her his ears pop.
     -Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
    -Her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
    -She can't even jump to a conclusion.
     -Her nickname is "DAMN!"
     -The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
    -She has to iron her pants on the driveway.
     -The shadow of her ass weighs 100 pounds.