The Top 12 Celebrity New Year's Resolutions 



12> O.J. Simpson:  "Get Tiger Woods to help me look for the real
    killer.  Hit him up for some putting tips." 

11> Tom Cruise: "I resolve to ignore the strong urges and not leave
    Nicole for Rosie O'Donnell." 

10> Don King:  "Quit dusting ceilings for free, accidental or
    otherwise." 

 9> President of Mattel: "Implement new marketing strategy - 
    introduce 'Cabbage Patch Obsessive-Compulsive Hair-Eating Disorder'  
    doll." 

 8> Elvis: "Fire my agent -- that comeback plan of surprise
    appearances at K-Marts across the country just ain't working." 

 7> Madonna:  "First, wean the baby.  Next, wean the father.  Then,
    stop using breast pump just for kicks." 

 6> Kathie Lee Gifford: "Burn that video tape of Cody sweeping up at
    the shop." 

 5> Richard Simmons: "Fewer binges, more purges." 

 4> Angela Lansbury: "Increase ratings by having my TV show 
    character finally come out of the closet." 

 3> Ted Kaczyinski: "My resolution is currently in the mail en route
    to Top 5 List headquaters." 

 2> Micheal Jackson: "Forget 'beige' -- I'm shooting for 'eggshell'
    this year!" 


and the Number 1 Celebrity New Year's Resolution... 


 1> RuPaul: "Time to tell the whole wide world about me and Pat 
    Buchanan."