Sitting in the shade feeling the breeze
waiting to see you, wanting to please
The look on your face plays in my mind
Age shouldn't be a problem, for love is blind
The key-chain you gave me, a heart shaped rainbow face
brings me warm memories of your sweet embrace
I love you but am afraid of the words
Too many times they have not been returned
we are different people with different life views
and that is the fun part learning 'bout you
I love to cuddle, crave human contact
but I am shy and what if you don't like that?
I don't' want to lose you, I like you so much
but our conversations sound like you've changed your mind
if not a relationship we will always be friends
you're Awesome darlin' and that will not end

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Spider
copyright July 3, 1999

Spider in the breeze
Oh No not a sneeze
Dang all these humans
Spreading disease

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AAA
copyright July 3, 1999

You told me ten minutes, it's been nearly seventy, I'm So sick of waiting, you definitely need to work on your accuracy I could have been productive, Damn AAA

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Tow Truck
copyright July 3, 1999

Busses come and go
people wander to and fro
I'm now getting burnt
my shade disappeared
where the hell is my tow truck
I'm getting tired sitting here

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My Day At Work
copyright July 7, 1999

I am normally quiet... I am not one for words
Usually shy I am rarely heard
I can be loud, quite loud in fact
I just have to get past my shell
Surprised everyone at work this week
Some were suspicious at my speech
One woman afraid of me asked some others
What all was I talking about
Beth and Nathan are great new friends
They love to ask questions and learn
Beth thinks I am funny though I don't know why
I like this job now
Since I have friends
I really have to learn to speak faster sometime

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Thinking Of You
copyright July 7, 1999

A smile crosses my face
eyes fogging over
I am at peace
your image dancing
like a shadow on my mind
thinking of you is just so divine
lost in thoughts of you
my hands wander
forgetting my tasks
I start to ponder
things of the future
and of the past
living in the moment
making it last

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A Touch Of PMS
copyright July 26, 1999

I am bad with words
And afraid to speak
You're a wonderful woman
Wise and deep
You're older than I
And that's not a thing
But at times you speak
Like I know nothing
I care about my future
Know I don't show it
Fear discrimination but
Don't want to blow it
I love being with you
You make a great friend
But at times I just want it to end
I don't want to loose you
But you have to back off
I get enough of the lectures
From Mother and Aunts
I don't need your pity
I can investigate for myself
Half of life is learning
And that's why I need
My own feet to walk on
My own eyes to see
I know you care
A great deal in fact
But you really have
To learn to relax
I am independent and
Know I have faults
I am young and still learning
So please let me do it
I hate to break up
But I fear I have no choice
You are set in your ways
I can't change who you are
I don't want to try
Not worth the cause
You're a wonderful friend
Which I would like to stay
But relationships just don't
Work this way

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Sweet Memories
copyright Aug 7, 1999

the green of the trees
a backdrop of lavendar twilight
the summer breeze flows through
open windows to the night
warmth of the suns ebbing rays
peaceful chirping of birds
pleathera of joyful sounds of nature
though I knew you in winter
all of these remind me of you
tonight the sweet memories
of your smile
your smell
your smooth skin against mine
bring a glow to my face

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Teasing Tips
copyright Sept 17, 1999

circling and pinching
tingling warmth
shooting sensations
straight to my core
hard yet so soft
sweet and salty
lightest touch
melts me
bite down
screaming
sweet sensations
pebbles of flesh
desire mounting

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Living Ledgend
copyright Sept 17, 1999

Fear resides in the heart
the day to day torment of our souls
life of eggshells
hopes made of glass
scared to anticipate that first stone
in a heart beat
everything is broken
threads of egsistance so neatly woven
suddenly stripped and frayed
shards of glass and egg
strewen about the floor
a heart left in pain
fears realized
but yet life goes on
memories of lost glow brightly
singing
dancing
keeping that fear of the past
like a light of warning
for all of the living
that the glass can be broken
eggs will be dropped
live for the moment
you never know
when that first stone will be cast

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Collage
copyright Oct 11, 1999

Cry For Help
noone can hear
I have no tallents
My life goes nowhere
Mommy hates me
Stress is soaring
Tears flow freely
I don't know why
Haunting voices
Constant reminders
no mental capacity
lacks focus
why bother
the pain won't stop
sure people like me
I am not that bad looking
noone knows ME
the mask is too thick
very well hidden
the emotions inside
rarely showing the pain I hide
pinicle reached
now only the fall
death is calling
blood on walls
it would be so easy
just go to sleep
my wrists bleeding
until night creeps
afraid of the future
can't look to the past
this life is nothing
headed nowhere
no tallents to speak of
no usuable skills
manic depressive
schizophrenic
learning disabled
I have some problems
I won't get diagnosed for
eyes are burning
unseen pain
nobody's listening
only me to blame
hugs are nice
but noone wants to stick through
casual friends
I need to quit
leave this life
escape reality
maybe die
So I leave this page still the same, a no tallent looser clinicly depressed schizophrenic with no future
but noone will notice
things still move without me
yet i wish
some one can hear me
see through the pain
find me inside here
hiding, in pain

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Speaking Out
copyright Oct 11, 1999

I wrote a poem today
that no one should see
a revealing of darkness
where no one should be
it is a cry for help
but no one can give
I just have to deal
and continue to live

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Lavender Limelight
copyright Oct 12, 1999

I sit here wrapped in rainbows
A spectacle for all
someone has to do it
some one takes the fall
everyone sees the pride now
no one seems to care
then she walks past me
smiling ever so gently
hoping no one notices
making sure I see
Sweet soft smiling eyes
burning to my soul
I've found my next new love here
standing on display
in the lavender limelight.

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Chocolate
copyright Oct 15, 1999

watching as my roommate
her soon to be inlaws over
fiance on her lap
she is so happy
he lives here now
me, alone
a third wheel
I hear them at night
makes me think
of how lonely I am
how long it has been
chocolate supply
quickly dwindling
I crave
need
chocolate

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Frustration
copyright Oct 15, 1999

Bodies moving
Grinding to the music
pressing against me
sweet flesh of you
arms wrapped around me
whispering softly
you drive me crazy
dancing so close
no air between us
feels so right
it will never happen
at least not tonight
don't you see I love you
'course not your straight

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Past Pains
copyright Oct 16, 1999

Jet flying away
Every moment painful

Tearing you from me
'cuz of school
Another day without you
Impossible dreams
Memories of love
Energizing my life

An email arives
Most confusing
Engagement discontinued
Love you always
In return nothing
Every heartbeat

Keeps me remembering
A time we were together
Nolonger possible
Every moment wishing
Message admitting mistake
Yes I do love you

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Knowing The Feeling
copyright Oct 16, 1999

This was written in response to skater_chick34's Poem Crying Inside (on the KiwiBox.com website

I so know the feeling
of dying inside
continually crying
nowhere to hide
can't trust people
nobody cares
craving compassion
getting thin air
alone in a world
of cold heartless people
sorrows surmounting
hiding your tears
secrets of fear
searching for someone
to crach through the shell
wishing all was well
I so know the feeling
of hiding inside
continually crying
nowhere to hide

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Hoping You'll Find...
copyright Oct 16, 1999

For skater_chick34

I hope you find that one open door a heart that will stay
an offer of help
genuine and true
a heart that knows your suffering
someone who cares
who will take your tears
giving you a smile
that will last for years

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Ingrained Imagery
copyright Oct 12, 1999

Low self esteem
ingrained imagery
you really don't see
the talents
your beauty

your eyes shine so bright
like a flash of lightning
inspiring wonder and awe

your face glows with a radiance
shining like the flame of a candle
lit for a romantic dinner
glowing and filling the room with warmth

your lips, look so kissable
soft, smiling
forming the words of your talent

your stories
capture the hearts and minds
anyone near gets caught up

your enthusiasm
draws people from their shells
involving all
like a little spell

your body
gracefully sensual
exotically charming
makes me wish I could speak my thoughts

hoping someday you'll see
your talents and beauty
and destroy that ingrained imagery

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Womyn Party Poem
copyright Oct 16, 1999

Goddess Please
let me lick your
sweet honey juices
and suck your
gorgeous breasts

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Rejection
copyright November 13,1999

promises made but not kept
multiple tries always denied
you must be afraid
or always forget
my hopes get raised
only to be smashed
at the turn of midnight
I keep my head high
my hopes always rise
dreaming of the day
that the rejection ceases

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Denial
copyright November 13,1999

Your daughter is a bull dyke
dresses like a man
wears a tie
loves womyn
you don't understand
don't even try
it hurts her at times
though you'll never know
she is shutting you out
very hard to hide herself
she loves you very much
but your denial and rejection
kills her inside.

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Lyrical Music
copyright November 13,1999

Beautiful music
magical lyric
an amazing talent
bringing smiles to faces

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Musical Release
copyright November 13,1999

body and spirit
blending in one
musical power
igniting the sun
melody, rhythm, harmony, tone
memories of past
must be atoned
mine at ease
musical power release

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Life Affects
copyright November 13,1999

life affects you
I can hear it in your words
see it in your face
in the tone of your music
as you sing so sweetly
angry and sad
love anew found glimmering hope
smiling lyric
beautiful note

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Wishful Meeting
copyright November 13,1999

anticipation
glowing pretence
I watch the door
hoping to see you
my chances are slim
but still I hope
you breeze through
smile widens
we embrace

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Cat & Hawke
copyright November 13,1999

You love one another so much
you feel frustration
no touching
busy lives
belive in your love
don't fret if a few days
pass without words
trust in the love
that you both feel
believe in a friend
one who cares for you both
to be there to talk through
any hard times that come
so belive in your love
it will lead the way

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Sea Bass
copyright November 13,1999

eye to eye with a sea bass
100 feet below the water
to scared to move
not a muscle twitches
30 minutes later
pulled away
from my staring contest
with a sea bass

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Running Poems
copyright November 13,1999

Needing to write
Every try, nothing comes
Wanting release

Pain in my head
Open flow from you
Energy
Music
Soothing my mind

Releasing
Unburdened
New Poems

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Finding The Concert
copyright November 13,1999

Assuming the way
Drove right past
First possible left
No street signs
Almost late
30 minute detour
Only to pass
The original exit
Where I should have tuned

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Writting A Lesson
copyright November 13,1999

too short
too long
too much detail
way too simple
no clue
where to start
crunch time
oh shit

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Missed Love
copyright November 13,1999

I see happy couples
All around me
Smiling so warm
At one another
I miss you somewhat
Yet I have moved on
I want you back
But don't want the hurt
I wish you the best
I go on my way

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Knowing You
copyright November 16,1999

You say you look horrible
Beauty is more like it
Sick, tired, in pain
You still hold your smile
What a beautiful smile
I know little of you
Past, present
Yet I feel so close
Like I've known you forever
So easy to talk to
I can see wonderful friendship
Far into the future

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Slipping Away
copyright November 16,1999

Your thoughts
All too familiar to me
Deep depression
Loneliness
Attempted suicide
I care for you
but live too far away
How can I help
when you do not hear
You don't believe me
when I am shedding tears
I've been through this before
but don't know what to say
To make you see
it's better this way
To live and get help
instead of die
I Love you girl!
Please try

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Breking Down Walls
copyright Nov 19, 1999

For all those trying to hide

You say we don't see
That we have no clue
About the walls built around you
But you are mistaken
The walls are quite clear
You think you are hiding the truth
I see a window
Into your soul
Inside, a struggle
To maintain control
You are afraid
Of what people will say
To find out you're different
To show them the ways
That you think about things
And your view of the world

I'm trying to find
A way to break through
The strong thick walls
Built up around you
A glimmer of hope
That I will soon find a way
To know the TRUE you
To hear all you say

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Trust
copyright Nov 19, 1999

your fear of the world
caused by your past
we aren't all bad
most will not harm
I'd like to help you
get past your fear
to show you
you're safe around here

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Bilingual Hell
copyright Nov 19, 1999

Beautiful people
Mysterious language
I would love to know you
I should know what you are saying
3 years experience
memory erased
only three english
minority population
I stand alone
afraid to speak
conversations sound fun
I want to join in
but don't know the way

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Sharp Stabbing Pain
copyright Nov 19, 1999

Nope Nothing's Wrong
Perfectly Healthy
doubled over in pain
can't move at all
It'll Pass
sure in a week or month or so
Only Cramps
BULL SHIT!!!
incapacitation
far worse than cramps
fucking doctors
I Suppose It's Possible
Fucking Sucks But It's Possible

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White Chameleon Convention
copyright Nov 19, 1999

She stands alone in a room of 200
Listens to words, bits of conversation
All homophobic, single race, anti diversity
White Chameleon Convention
Her life long reality
She moves to the front
To cast the first stone
Steps up to the mic
Expecting to die
Daughter of leaders
Sister of members
She taps the mic
Excuse me my family
Stated with confidence
Fear hidden inside
Silence immediate
Pence apprehension
Mouth gone dry
She swallows hard
I hear your conversations
Anti Gay, White Race Power
The crowd cheers
She freezes, stands silent
It hurts me these words
She thinks to herself
I have something to tell you
The words that you speak
long drawn out pause
The message you send me
You hate who I am
My family....
I'm Gay
She closes her eyes
Room complete silence
She stands at the mic
Waiting to die
Awaiting the first stone
Afraid to look

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Mysterious Beauty
copyright Nov 19, 1999

Beautiful Woman
Stunning brown eyes
Tousled dark hair
To me you are
A vision of heaven

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Shyness
copyright Nov 19, 1999

I long to speak
to know your name
but
I fear your hate
because I am gay
I wish to feel
the curve
of your porcelain cheek
to caress
the softness
of weather worn hands
that draw such wonderful images
as you listen to others
with ears
that appear so sweet, small
begging to be spoken to softly
with loving words

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Our Poetic Interpretation
XENA LIVE!
everything but the review
copyright Nov 28, 1999