This page is an html version of a sheet on grieving given out from Student Counselling Services at the U of S. I have not yet gotten expressed permission to make this page using their information but I think they won't mind. I put this page up because I think there needs to be more resources for those people who are in a process of grieving.
Grief is a natural process experienced by all people, to one degree or another, after the occurrence of a loss.
Significant losses, such as the death of someone close to you, the breakup of a close relationship/friendship, or the loss of hope and dreams, are some of life's most stressful occurrences. Grieving is an adaptive response to loss. It is not a weakness, but an experience which requires time, patience, and hard work.
Grieving is a process unique to each individual. Different people (even members of the same family) experience thier grief in different ways.
Grief may be complicated by prior experiences of loss, traumatic events surrounding the loss (e.g. suicide), a history of difficult relationships, or other social perosnal factors (e.g. lack of social support). It can be especially helpful to seek assistance when a grieving process is complicated by other factors or events.
Many people experience some of these common, normal grief reactions:
disbelief, confusion, preoccupation, thoughts of death and dying
FEELINGS
anger, guilt, relief, anxiety, sadness, yearning, loneliness, numbness, disinterest, emptyness, resentment
BEHAVIOURS
crying, social withdrwal, slepp disturbance, absent-mindedness, appetite disturbance, resteless over-activity, dreams of the deceased, avoiding going to classes, treasuring reminders of the lost other
PHYSICAL SENSATIONS
dry mouth, chest pain, lack of energy, tightness in your throat, weakness in your muscles, hollowness in your stomach
Some clinicians believe that individuals move through specific stages when they grieve a loss. Others suggest that individuals accomplish the task in their own way, in their own time.
Many individuals report experiencing a period of numbness or shock immediately following a significant loss. This may occur whether the loss was anticipated (as in the case of a friend dying of a terminal illness), or was unexpected (as in the case of one partner suddenly anouncing the dissolution of a relationship).
Following this period of shock, people may experience a time of intense emotional upheaval. They may temporarily interfere with your academic, social, or family life. The severity and duration of a grief reaction will vary from person to person.
For most people, the intense emotional pain of grief subsides. Eventually, energy is refocused on the future. However, if your grief response doesn not gradually lessen in intensity or, over time, continues to interfere with your acadmic, social or occupational functioning, then you may benefit from recieving assistance.
Work to identify and accept all of your feelings about the loss. This is difficult, yet vital, part of the grieving process.
Give some form of expression to your feelings. For most people this mean talking about the loss. Some individuals feel that this is counterproductive or destructive, as it often evokes tears and/or uncomfortable feelings. However, talking about our experience cna help you to vent your pain and gradually move forward with your life and accept the finality of the loss.
Be aware that you need not experience or express your grief in a manner similar to those around you. You are a unique individual with your own way of grieving.
Reassure yourself that it is normal for feelings to take an "up and down" course. Some people describe their emtions in "waves" or "bursts" over time. Some days will be bette than others.
Take care of your physical health. Try to eat nutritious meals, get enough rest, and exercise moderately. Avoid excessive caffeine.
Seek assistance with drug and alcohol problems. You may feel that these substances help to numb you feelings of grief. However, any relief you might experience is temporary. Substance abuse can contribute to problems which interfere with the grieving process.
Accept support. Some individuals believe they need to be "strong" and independent. At a time of significant loss, however, this is an unrealistic expectation. Allow those around you to provide comfort and assistance during this difficult time.
Seek support. Give yourself permission to ask for the help you need.
Remember that your loss is not something you need to "get over." Your life has been changed and will never be the same again. You are learning to "live with" the loss.
Try to be patient. The work of grieving requires time. Gradually, your pain will lessen and there will be more good days than bad. This may occur over the span of weeks, months, even years.
Remind yourslef that healing doesn't mean forgetting. Memories will remain. You will find a way to adjust.
Make a conscious descision to get through your grief. Simply allowing the apssage of time will not release you from your pain. Time itself does not heal. How you use the time that you have dectates the course of grief.
Give yourself permission to enjoy life, to laugh and to have fun. Continue to do the things you like to do. Many individuals feel that it is not appropriate or respectful to experience positive emotions during a time of significant loss. However, an important part of recovery involves part of recovery involves experiencing all of your feelings, including hope and happiness.
Recall how you have coped with difficult circumstances in the past. Some of the coping strategies that you have used in the past may be halpful to you now.
Give yourself credit. Acknowledge your strengths and the ways you do cope.
If you think that you would benfit from speaking to a professional about grief, contact Student Counselling Services in Saskatoon, or speak to your family doctor about a referral to a counsellor with experience in helping clients with the grieving process. If you're not a student at the U of S talk to your doctor or your local mental heath distirct office. In an emergency remember that you can always go to a Hospitals.
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