First of all I'm thinking that as a parent or friend you're probably wondering, "Why is my friend or child gay?" Well according to my first year Psych. Prof. its because of a differently timed androgen delivery during gestation. In other words its not really caused by anything. They don't even know that androgen thing for sure either. Most of my other profs say that no one is sure yet. Basically, what causes homosexuality is the exact same thing that causes heterosexuality. Your guess is as good as mine. But the one thing that is for sure is that there wasn't anything that was done by anyone to make your friend or child gay.
Yes, there are people that choose to live a non-heterosexual life style. However, these cases are rare, and yet again not really an important issue.
The main thing to focus on is that your child or friend is still the same person that they were before. Your dreams and hopes for them don't really have to change all that much. Mom, your boy can still be a baseball star. Dad your little girl can still be a prize winning biochemist. Friend your pal can still help you move into your new apartment, and no they are not necessarily going to find you attractive if you're the same sex (I'm not promising anything, but a friend is a friend). A pretty good bet is that their opinion or feelings toward you haven't changed. In fact if they've confided in you that they are gay, lesbian, or bisexual its a pretty good bet that its because they trust you and want very much for you to be in their life. Every part of it.
Here are a few things to and not to do if your friend or relative comes out to you:
The first thing that I can think of is do not scream and run away, this would be considered rude. Just kidding, some humour...tee hee. Actually the first thing to remember is try not to ask them if they're sure. I know that you may want to, but they wouldn't be telling you this if they weren't sure. Besides if they had told you that they were straight would you ask them if they were sure? The second thing, but just as importantly is to avoid suggesting a trip to a therapist. The American Psychological Association, American Psychiatric Association, and the World Health Organizations no longer consider being a non-heterosexual as being abnormal. Although, coming out can be very stressful so suggesting that they have someone to talk to during this time of transition could be a fair thing to do. As long as you make sure that they know you don't think they're crazy! If you feel comfortable with being someone that they can talk to let them know. I'm sure that they would really appreciate the support. I know I would. Besides we all need someone to talk to from time to time. You might even consider having someone to talk to during this time of change.
Can you help? Yes you can! The best way for you to help is to keep in mind that you are dealing with the same person you've always had in your life. With only one small difference, they're not straight. Another thing that you can help with is conformity. Many people that come out aren't always sure if they're supposed to change their behaviour. Many people think that to be gay you have to fit into certain stereotypes. You can help them to understand that, like being a heterosexual, all gay and lesbian people are distinctly unique and that they should just be themselves.
There are many places in your town or the bigger center nearest you that might be able to help your friend or family member to deal with this often turbulent period of change. Some examples from my home city are: At the U of S : GLUS, Student Counceling Services, Campus ministry Chaplins (like Collin Clay or the chaplins at STM), and The Student Help Center. Then in Saskatoon we have Mental Health (no you don't have to completely nuts to need someone to talk to), Social Services, even doctors and teachers can sometimes be very supprotive and know things that might help.
There are more resources for you in the world than my web site. Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays is a strong group that helps you to understand your friends and children. How you can support your friend or child while getting support from people in similar situations to your's. For the online resources and to find a chapter near you click here PFLAG.
For more resources about coming out issues for you and your gay, lesbian, or bisexual friend or family member click here.
If you are a gay, lesbian, or bisexual who is coming out you might want to check out my coming out page.