Check out Archive:
-One; From the beginning to
April 19, 1998
-Two; April 19, 1998 to June 6, 1998
-Three; June 8, 1998 to July 22, 1998
-Four August 3, 1998 to October 12, 1998
-Five October 19, 1998 to December 23, 1998
- Seven; September 19, 1999 to Feb 11, 2002.
-Eight; Feb. 24, 2002 to present.
Back to Ryan's Rant of the Week
January 1st, 1999 January 16th, 1999 January 24th, 1999 February 6th, 1999 March 5th, 1999 April 20th, 1999 April 26th, 1999 June 16th, 1999 June 22nd, 1999 June 29 th, 1999 July 23rd, 1999 August 3rd, 1999 August 11th, 1999 August 22nd, 1999
Well it's been a week and a few days so it is yet again time for me to express myself. This week I think I'm going to talk about you, you know who you are. You always have somethign to do, and something to see, or you feel like you should. Never alone, never still, never really doing anything you truely want to be doing. How about you do somethign that you've wanted to do for ever.
I've been pretty busy lately with my friends and boyfriend and all they ever seem to want to do is something else. That is to say whatever is next on the agenda. And we're all in a real hurry to do it. For some strange reason just sitting at home and reading a book is a waste of time. Heck even reading your email or playing online for too long is time best spent runnign around doing nothing. You know that we're told that we haven't had a full day unless we've spent it down "a million things." What's the point? I mean you couldn't have had that much fun doing those million things if you have to tell everyone how hecktick you day was. If you want to complain about something complain about something you didn't manufacture. And talking about the traffic that was so bad while you were runnign around doing those million things doesn't count.
Just the other day I said to myself, "Ryan you haven't bladed for a while. Why not go?" So I did. Everyone else was out doing some running around before Craig went to work. I was enjoying the sun and the breeze while rolling along the river bank on a paved trail. It was glorious, it was good for me . . . it was quiet. I spent an hour and a half with myself, and my thoughts. And I feel better about myself for it. Not to mention that I got to see most of the city as I rolled by, powered by my own legs. I loved it, I was sweating rivers of my own (33 degree celcius), and I ended up with a mild case of heat stroke but I'd do it again.
Actually I think that I will. Everyone few days I am going to spend an hour or so by myself doing something that I enjoy. Probably go to the fit centre on campus, a blade, or a walk to the art gallery. Something that I enjoy and that no one else seems to. That's probably why I spend a lot of time playing video games. IT's something that I like that no one else in my group of friends seems to like and I can do it by myself. Unless they decide to watch me play which is cool too. But I think that being alone once in a while and doing something healthy should be on everyone's agenda. Try it, I think that you might like it. And make sure and do somethign you love to do, not just be alone but be alone with yourself.
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
So my sociology class is gettig even more interesting, we've gotten into deeper exploration of the ways that society controls its members. We've looked at the theories behind this control, usually exerted by the powerful and upper class, who usually don't know that they are doing it because they are simply maitaining the status quoe and doing what they think is right. But how is it that there seems to be such wide spread consensus about who's deviant and who is not? And is it just the people that we call the "elite" who are perpetuating the stigmas that control and oppress the marginalized and minory people?
I've been thinking about this and the suject matter of this class has opened my eyes to some disturbing things about social control. Even without knowing it, or even while denouncing it in others most everyone in our society perpetuates the control of the marginalized, and continues on with our opression of those who don't fit the mold which we fight against.
Let me give an example of myself. I try to remember that the people who are mirginalised and oppressed in our society are usually the ones who's behaviour is labled as deviant I have often fallen into the trap of doing so myself. Although I know about this I still look at people, once in a while, and think them to be deviant as opposed to my dominant feelings that they ahve been or are being vicitmised in some way. Take crime, I am usually the one who pipes up and says that those who cimmitt crimes are not the crimes but merely a person who has broken a law. The practice of stigmatizing takes over once in a while and I will call someone who committs a crime a criminal. They're not people they're the object of judgement.
I've been wondering during this class how people can look at another person and think of them as so different from them, so in human, that they can ignore their pain and suffering and simply punish them for the symptoms. Then I realise that I have done so myself. Crime is a serious thing and people get hurt when it happens, but if in the first place we looked at the needs of those minorities and marginallised people, whom we like to blame for all crime, and got help to those who needed it before cases became accute then maybe there wouldn't be so much.
Now I know why I do it, why a man in the sex trade is a "whore" and a woman who has committed sex offences is a pedophile; because looking at the person would bring the problems too close to me. It's easier to think that I can't get placed in the same position if they're not people. I'm a person so if they aren't then I have nothing to worry about. Okay so that's pretty average.
It's just that the I usually have compassion for people placed in desperate situations, unless it's a bit too close to home. I just thought that I was more aware, but I'm not. I can volunteer, peer counsel, canvas, advocate, and rant but when it comes down to it even though I see the problem, know how to stop it, and I want to help as much as I can. . . I've been sold the same load of crap that everyone else in this society has.
A mentor of mine said "Judge not lest ye be judged" in our society it would seem to be "Judge lest ye feel vulnerable and hopeless." I guess looking at how it effects ourselves is a good start so the next time that I start to see a "junky" I might see a person who's parents threw out of the house at the age of twelve because they wouldn't stop crying when the were being beaten and they just want to get away from the pain. I might see the "whore" on the corner as a person trying to survive in a world where you need a degree to work at McDonald's and they couldn't afford to get through high school without a job that would pay for all of their bills, take up little time and reassure them that somebody wants them. Of course having done some volunteer work with peopel on the margins I very rarely forget the humanity of these victims. But if I forget every once in a while, what happens to people who've never had experience with the oppressed and marginalised.
So we need help to remember that we're always being sold this garbage and every once in a while we will forget, but as long as we remeber this. Heck we're still people too and even the most humanely conscious person talks about sex trade workers as "she" even just once in a while. I suppose that we should give ourselves compassion so that we can give it to others and then we can get past the guilt and fix the problem withing ourselves and then we can help fix society.
The powerful may be great influencers in how we see the world but if we live it out and perpetuate it then we are just as guilty as those who have the greatest power. No one has control who isn't given it in some way. If you refuse to be opressed then you can't be, sure in an extreme case you can be killed but you're not controled.
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
Okay so right now I am in this Sociology class on social deviance and social control. This has to do with those members of our society whom are disenfranchised and marginalized by the majority. Anyone out there know what I am talking about? If you do you are probably young, gay, female, poor, or of some ethnic background other then caucation (if that's how you spell it). RIght now we've been focusing on youth in the criminal "justice" system.
The readings for this class has gotten me thinking not about where the marginalization of youth is coming from, we see it in our media, government, schools, and society. But in how this is accomplished. There has been a great deal of discussion about the grander gestures against youth, my thought is what about the extremely subtle ones. Those, I believe are the ones that do the most damage. Not necessarily because they are the most impacting on their own, nor because they are so unqustionable...because neither of these is true. But think about it this way, if it's too small to notice and too everyday to cause concern, isn't it going to slip right by us.
I'll get to the point in a couple of sentences but first let's look at the extremes. We usually notice when broadcasters are making accusations like "a genreation out of control," or any other claim that would pegg all youth as nihilistic saddists bent on the destruction of humanity. This would at the very least cause us to think that the media is over reacting somewhat.
That's something that we see as normal, no big deal, it grabs our attention and entertains us, but we dismiss it shortly there after, otherwise there would be a great deal more emphasis on action of all sorts when it comes to the needs of youth in our society. We right it off while we are writing the children off because we have to go to work and save up for our next toy.
But, and maybe it has something to do with the achieving of the next toy attitude, we don't see something that is right in front of our face. Something that is causing a great deal more damage than a generalising headline. What we don't see is a parent lovingly telling their child (boy or girl) that they "can be anything that they put their mind to." It's so incipid that no one would notice that a child getting this pep talk is now doomed to judging themselves and others if they cannot live up to their goals.
That's right this seemingly innocent little phrase is quite frankly either a great factor or even a cause of this propensity our society has for blaming everyone for their own failure and mistakes. And it makes it very easy for those who get ahead to thumb their noses at those who do not. "If I could get ahead why can't you?" we ask of the poor and the disenfranchised. We ask this of people who do not have access to the same schooling, loving environments, support and health care that we have had. We expect those who are in desperate situations to act as calmly as we do in our cushy-stress-free lives. And when they can't get out we blame them because we made it through our teenage years. It's just a small example and I am sure that their are plenty of them out there.
We expect everyone to end up with the same results and yet we don't give them the same resources. Even when we see that this is true we still don't see the little things that perpetuate this pratice. So we tell little Bobby and Tammy that they can be anything that they want to be, and accomplish everything that they set their minds to. Of course we, like our parents, don't mention that everyone has their limits and that failure is sometimes a good way to learn our limits and that there is no shame is this. So of course Bobby and Tammy will just keep the whole thing rolling along. How can we expect ourselves and others to accept people and give them a chamce when we haven't even been told the fair way to be fair. Not everyone is able to reach the same goals. Because not everyone is good at the same thing. Not everyone has the same access to help and resources, but that's not part of the story. What would happen if the little engine that could had faith in himself but couldn't afford wood for his steam engine?
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
This week I want to rant about something that I think should not need to be ranted about but does. . . the military. Okay so most people would say that we should rant about militaries on a regular basis but I want to rant not about the military on the whole but on some of its actions as of late.
Here in Canada we seem to have less of a military and more of a global peace keeping force. This would, from my point of view, be a good thing. More people who are trained in killing whom are told to keep peace. Saving lives instead of taking them. This would be a good thing, so long as they are actually keeping peace and not causing havoc or killing the people that they are supposed to be protecting. This would seem to me to be a position that deserves a bit of respect and proper protection from overly dangerous situations.
That may seem to be the case but apparently it’s not. Recently there was a request from a large number of Canadian soldiers for compensation for illnesses that they contracted while on a peace-keeping mission. These soldiers were told that the soil and water in the area was free of toxins and that they should be safe drinking said water and shovelling said soil. So they went about there business of building barracks out of sand bags full of contaminated soil, and bathing in and drinking water that had had decomposing corpses in it.
This of course was quite hazardous to their health and many, of the nearly 2500 military personnel who where located in the area, have become severely ill. When these soldiers asked for compensation they were flatly denied any with the justification that it is not known whether or not all of the personnel where effected or just some. Due to the sheer number of people who were posted there the military stated that it would simply cost far too much to screen all of them and so decided not to help any.
This seem unfair and inhumane for a few different reasons:
1) These soldiers did not go into the scenario with the
appropriate knowledge to defend themselves against the toxins.
They have the right to be compensated for being sent into a
poisonous environment without being told its true nature. Even if
it was a mistake by military intelligence negligence is never
excusable with the claim that it was simply a mistake.
2) These people are being paid to defend the lives of others with
there own, they cannot do so if they are being subjected to
poisons and toxins without being informed of the existence of
these. If they knew about the poisonous material then they might
have been able to protect themselves from it.
3) If we are going to treat peace keepers (or other military
personnel) as though they have no protection just because it is
their job to protect others then who will want to join up in the
future. If we kill off or scare off our peace keepers now who
will protect us and keep the peace in the future?
Just because someone is paid to be in a dangerous situation does that mean that they are not entitled to protection from avoidable dangers?
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
Last week I talked about the stupidity of those poor deluded people who are afraid of inline skates. Now I'd like to talk about those who are afraid of having roots. A home or base of opporations from which to run their lives.
There are many people who say "I just don't like feeling tied down." Those are the people who always want to travel but never seem to. You know the type, I'm sure that everyone knows one person who's constantly talking about leaving where ever they are for a better place. Like any other place will be any different from where they are now?
Now all judging aside, which is difficult for me, the behaviour of these individulas is quite random and ususally very chaotic. One moment they are happy with their surroundings and the next minute they are talking about how better it would be to move somewhere else and geta ways from all the stress and problems in their lives. These are not travellers, these are runners.
Runners are people who run from their lives and will usuallt be running from them their whole lives if they don't put down roots somewhere. Now these roots don't have to be physical as we can't all afford houses and the like, but these roots are definitley emotional. People who can just drop everyone in their lives at a drop of a hat are not emotionally bonded to them. They have simply been using them as a comfort tool while they were in there current place in life and then once they feelt that the tool is either no longer needed or inconvenient they drop the people that have been showing them caring and thoughtfulness.
So what's the point? Hmmmm what is the point...oh yeah. These peopel who think that they are travelers and really runners should realise that they are insulting the real travelers by calling themselves this. A real traveler has a home and a life and they enhance this life by new experiences, they don't just drop everything in their lives and leave, possibly never to return. They have friends and family and other loved ones whom they will see once they return. Travelers don't run away to the rest of the world they bring the rest of the world back home.
Having roots is no hinderence to living a happy life. In fact it enhances it by giving a sense of stability and security. People who always want to leave are also always bithcing about the world that they live in alienating them. Maybe that's because they alienate their world before it has a chance to accept them. The world doesn't owe us anything, sure we have human rights, we just don't have the right to take it out on the rest of the world because we are in it. If you don't want to be in the world that you are in then you can always leave. Don't complain about it, don't make other peoples' lives miserable because you are unhappy, take an option and leave. You can move, you can change your life where you are, you can change professions, change schools, move to another province or state, hang around with different people for a change just don't make everyone hear you bitch and complain about how awful it is for you to be around them. It's insulting and trying to call yourself someone that just likes to travel that's pathetic. Your unhappy, admit it and do somehting about it, otherwise pay a counselor so you hav someone to bitch to about it and leave the rest of us out of your problems. Unless you like constantly telling everyone around you that you aren't happy around them and that they are going to lose you from their lives some time, anytime, possibly when they least expect it.
Try rooting for a while, you might just like that you have a routine and a secure life. That there will be people that you can depend on in a reasonable situation; it would be unreasonable for you to expect that anyone would protect you from murder charges if you killed someone, but peopel can be there for you while you are going through the trial and sentence. But that extreme situation aside you can count on people in your life that you root with, ot bond with to be there for you when you need someoen to talk to or just hang with or to help make difficult decisions, even if they disagree with you. Heck they might be right. But people won't feel like they can offer this to you if you keep pushing them away from you.
My thought is, if someone is always pushing people away from them is it because they think that if they died or somethign that they would not be missed so they can die whenever they want and they won't need to feel that they have hurt anyone? Soudns pretty suicidal to me. Although if they were suicidal why woulsn't they just kill themselves instead of spending all that time bitching and complaining about stuff that they want to kill themselves over?
Anyways I'm spent. I'll rant at you in a week or so. I'm moving so I will be sorta busy for the nest few days but feel free to send me your comments anyway, I'll read them once my net connection is up at the new place.
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
Well last week I seem to have talked on and on about something that was somewhat comlicated I suppose. But this week i will be talking about somehting very simple and something that I think will probably entertain some of you but really get others thinking about unfairness.
I have been, over this summer, told to serveral times that I was not allowed in several buildings around the city and especially on campus with my "roler blades" on. Actually most people have ended their statements of discrimination based on conveiance with "at all." Somewhat redudant I think to say "absolutely no roler blades allowed in the building. . . at all." Not only that but darn stupid too, considering that I have not once seen a sign that prhibits the wearing of roler blades in the majority of these buildings.
Why, you may ask do I want to be able to wera my inline skates in these buildings. Well for my own personal reason: I just don't like taking off my skates and having to put them back on later, switching from skate to shoe using up time that I could be travelling. But there is something that started to bother me about why peoiple would say that I could not wear skates in the buildings.
When I have asked anyone off campus why I can't wear skates in their buildings most have simply said that it is a matter of policy. Some head office at "Burger King" for example (one place where I had to go through the drive through in my parents car or starve), had announced the policy but apparently never said why. People on campus have told me that the wheels mark the floor and that they do not wish the floors mrked hence no "roler blades" are allowed in the building. The fact that the rubber in the wheels on inline skates is of a much higher quality than the rubber in the grip of most shoes and therefor less likely to mark floors seems not to curtail this opinion.
Now I can see the concern being about the brakes on inline skates (*NOT EVERY BRAND OF SKATE IS ROLER BLADE BRAND)marking the floors of these buildings. Now when I point out, to the custodial personell that I usually end up being told I need to leave by, that I will not be using my brake on the inside of the building they seem a lot more friendly (more accurately a lot less hostile) towards me being in the building. They of course point out that I am a rare skater and that there have been many people to have used their brake in the buildings and marked the floor. This has apparently ruined it for skaters now.
Now I can see the logic of past skaters ruining it for the rest of us but I have a question about this. Now, if marking the floor is grounds for not allowing a type of conveiance inside of a building does it follow that all forms of transport that mark floors should be banded from buildings? Should people be foreced to take of their chesp souled shoes at the doors of buildings? Should people in wheel chairs be forced to either walk or stay out of the buildings as well? What if my feet had been lost in an accident and the inline skates that I was wearing where a type of prosthetic limb? Would I be being discriminated against because of a physical disability?
Some people have simply expressed that they just have a problem with inline skates being used inside of buildings. This seems to me to be pretty small minded. Does everything that violates the way that they do things have to be wrong and therefor banned? If so where does it stop? Just because someone in another country has a different social system than I do does that meant that I can remove them from my planet? It's an extreme but you see my point. Malls have shopping carts and they mark floors worse than any type of foot wear. Of course I was only told I wasn't supposed to wear skates in one Safeway and it was by only one employee who was unable to tell me why the rule she just tried to enforce existed. I left when I was done shopping. I have never been told this at any other Safeway and therefor discounted her claim to the rule. I assume that since the store was in a poorer neighbouthood that it simply an attempt to enforce pathetic classist systems that were focused against the youth of the neighbourhood.
Now if anyone, which no one ever has, were to say that the safety of those in the store or even my safety was thier concern when banning skates from a building, then we have another story. I would argue that when indoors I do not travel faster than anyone else, but seeing as wheels spin and control can be lost I would be forced to acknowledge that there is a higher probability that someone on skates will fall than someone who is simply walking. Not much higher but it exists. But no one has ever told me that safety was there concern so I can only assume that it was just some silly attempt to distance themselves from something that they are not used to.
Apparently people on wheels scare others so they can't be in the same building. That's my opinion. So maybe I'll have to open my own store and say that only people on wheeled apparati can enter. And I'd post it. None of this leaving people to wonder if they could be escourted out of a building just because they didn't know that they couldn't go in in the first place. That's just embarrassing and unfair.
Anyway that's this week's rant. See you next week.
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
Well its taken me a while but I finally sat down in front of the computer and had something in my mind to say on this page. But then I forgot...just kidding. This week's topic is about the factuality of emotion in human fact. I know I know you're thinking: "Ryan is taking WAY too many philosophy classes." But what I really mean to talk about is less the metaphysics of human existence and thought and more the issues of honesty.
I have in my travels incountered many people that believe that we should not "sugar coat things." These people believe that things are the way that they are and that's that so why not just state say it. Fact by fact and forget about the little sentimentality of it all.
Now these people have a good point. Emotions get in the way a lot. We can't just tell someone that they are thin when they are unhealthily over weight, that would be dangerous. We can't tell someone that their new hair cut suits them when it really makes them look like they have a large head, that would be embarrassing in the long run. We have to be realistic about the fact that those we are in relationship with, in any way be it friends or parteners, may not always be in our lives. So we should be able to and have the ibligation to be honest and just state these facts. Letting how we feel about it be factored into how we say these things just muddies the water... Or does it?
Now these people would have us believe and think about emotion as unphysical and therefore inconsequential. After all how can emotions be fact when they are not real? My thought is this, people feel their emotions, if not exactly like, somwhat like the way that they feel the physical world. These emotions do exist in us and have the same reaction to actions as the laws of physics dictate for physical things. For every action there is an equal emotional reaction. So when we tell someone somethign about themselves or our involvement with them it is leaving something out to not discuss and account for the emotions involved with the situation.
To back up my arguement I will give some reasoning behind my
statements. Here you go:
1)Humans have been known to exhibit physical responses to
emotions, tears in the eyes of an extrememly happy or sad person
are manifested because of the pain that they are exeriencing
something that occurs when physical pain is felt hence being
effected by emotions. 2)When very nervous or upset people have
been known to vomit, something that is a response to (generally)
physical stimuli is coming out when emotional states are high. 3)Those
who are depressed manifest a number of physical symptoms
including lack of sleep, lose of apetite, agrivated expression,
and confussion or disorientation. These are also the side effects
of physical stimuli and therefore emotions must exist as they are
generating a response. 4)Someone who is scared or angry can
manifest behaviour that is violent and defensive when they are in
no actual physical danger. They are feeling threatened by
emotional reprocussions to actions and situations, they are
experiencing the emotions of fear or anger and this solicits a
response.
Now having established that emotions exist, and that they have effetcs as well as affects on humans. Now this does not necessarily mean that we need include them in the daily description of events and interactions. I mean the Earth's orbit effects us all but we don't include it in our conversations about everything. However, a person's emotional state in each situation as well as their attitude towards general situations greatly influence one's behaviour. Therefore knowing the emotional status of the persons you are interacting with, or the emotional contexts of the situations being discussed, will greatly increase your ability to work with the situation. Since you are aware of more of the facts involved you will be better able to make an informed decision and you are better equiped to know the outcome more accurately.
Some examples may help with this as well:
1) Your significant other informs you that they do not like a
specific behaviour that you exhibit, say that it is somethign
that their fater used to do before they beat him as a child. He
does not tell you this because it would clouding the issue and
really that fact is that he does not like the action so why say
more. Now you can take this information and assimilate it into
that your significant other merely dislikes these actions and is
not all that effected by it. Obviously to some degree as they
mentioned it but since you don't know the severity to which they
are bothered you are unsure as to how to respond or how to
proceed. Simply stopping the behaviour will eliminate their
problem but now your right to expression has been curtailed and
you will start feeling limited and frustrated. So you tell your
significant other that you won't stop the specific behaviour, not
adding how you felt about it as that would just be clouding the
issue with emotion, you might end up sugar coating it right? Now
he feels hurt that you are refusing to stop doing this thing that
he was once so traumatized by as a child but instead of
explaining his feelings he simply ends the relationship and your
go your separate ways. You don't tell eachother or others that
you are feeling hurt ut rather just taht the relationship ended.
To say anything more would be clouding the issue with something
did not exist...emotions.
Now would this rather extreme situation have been resolved any differently by the inclusion of emotional context to the statements being made? Well for one thing each person in this scenario would understand where the other is coming from and that this was not simply someone being informed for the sake of informing them, that they were wanted to stop acting a certain way. You would know flat out that this was hurting your partner and why. It would not simply be a request for the sake of the request but for the sake of your partner's comfort and ability to interact with you. Now had you still felt uncomfortable with not acting in this way, you could tell him how you felt about the situation and what your motivations were for performing the behaviour. This would allow you partner the oportunity to realise if this was being done to hurt them or if you were simply just being yourself in a no-threat-intended kind of way.
It's complicated but it's true. If each person knew where the other was emotionally it would greatly help the relationship.
2) Let me try with one of the first examples of honesty I use din the beginning. Maybe this will be more clear. Now as I stated before if someone is over weight to an unhealthy level, concern should be expressed. But that concern is generally meant out of an emotional source. I'm not going to be worried about you if I don't care about you so there is obviously emotion involved. So instead of saying only part of the truth "You too fat to be healthy." why not say the whole truth "You are too fat to be healthy and I'm worried about your health because I care what happens to your." They are both true but the second is more true as it involves more of the truth. This extra part of the truth does a great deal as more than just be a more whole image of the truth as well. This added piece of reality tells the person what is motivating your to say these things, allows them to know the context in which these things are being said, and it gives them a bigger picture of what you are seeing and trying to say. In this case saying a little more makes things much better understood. If you say it the first way the over weight person has no idea why you just said that other than to point out something that they are probably already painfully aware of. So at the very least you are being redundant at the most you are being mean in their eyes because you have left out part of the truth and they don't have all the facts to act on.
Here's one that should make things very clear:
I write these rants because I feel that getting people thinking
about life and the world might in some way be beneficial to
others, myself, and the world, and to express myself. If I am not
doing this successfully, as in that no one is getting thinking
about things or no one can understand me so I'm not really
expressing myself I would want to know about it sooner rather
than later. So I would be very happy to know how people feel
about my rants, and if they are being understood. I would be
unhappy to find out that all this time I wasn't making any sense.
So I am saying that I want you to tell me what you think about my
rants because I want to know if I am accomplishing my goals so
that I will be happy about it now or avoid being unhappy about it
at a later date by fixing the problem with my rants now. I really
want to know how you feel about them because if they haven't
evoked any emotions then maybe they need more ummph to them. As
many of the things I have talked about are to get people thinking
but also to get them feeling about the issues as well.
Well that's my rant fo this week, next week I think it will be the issue of In-line discrimination. Tune in then in the mean time have a good week and think about telling someone how you feel about things when you want something done. They might be more inclined to do it, or to tell you how they feel about it.
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
Every once in a while someone says something that really urks me. I am not certain as to whether or not this is a good thing. It certainly does remind me that I am very impassioned about the world. (Side note; somewhat inflammable=somewhat flamable).
Recently I mentioned to someone that everybody matters. I personally believe that even though we do not treat everyone as equals that we are all equals none-the-less. When I said that eveybody matters someone (who will remain nameless) seemed to disagree. Now he might have disagreed because he did not believe that everyone is treated like they matter or because he didn't think that everyone matters. I do know for certain that part of what he meant was that simply becuase we treat people like they aren't equal that me saying that they were equal was unrealistic.
Of course having a knee jerk reaction to things that I see as unfair I blow up and asked him to leave my house. He did not knowing that I am not really the type to forcably remove someone from my home for the mere utterance of an opinion, but I really did not want him there at the time. If I say that everyone is equal I get very upset when someone gives me a laughing "PFT!!" and a "Yeah right!" I did inform him, again that everyione mattered including himself that's why I thought that he should leave. He has the right to his opinion but I have the right to have that opinion outside of my residence. I informed him that since we effect those around us that I didn't want that bullshit in my house and uttered around me and those around even though that's really up to them. (That doesn't mean that I can't want it away from them).
So really my point is not that people are equal, although I guess if you disagree that's your problem. The point is that just because someone acts like something is true and someone thinks that something is true that this does not necessarily make it true. Honestly, you may think that something is not present and yet that does not simply make it go away or disappear from the universe. This is true for noth those who are negative and possitive about the world. This applies to every aspect of the world. Take me for example, just because I think that everyone is equal that does not mean that everyone is treated equally. I know this, of course, but that does not change the fact that I think that everyone is equal, and that I would continue to believe this even if someone showed me incontrovertible evidence to the contrary.
This also applies to those that think that just because someone is in power that they are superior to those that they have power over. An abusive spouse may have emotional power over their spouse but that does not make them betterthan the abused spouse. A rich person may be able to buy nicer things than a poor person but that does not make them more important than that poor person. The white-"heterosexual" male may have the loudest voice in the pollitical structures of this continent but that does not make them a majority.
Simply because I believe that I am gentle lamb does not mean that I am. Quite frankly I have often whished that I am, but I am not. I am really nice but I have a temper especially when I think that there is some sort of unfairness going on and I tend to offend the shit out of people when I am voicing my point. I don't listen to the other person's entire arguement; as soon as I think I hear something believed to be unfair or injust an emotional explosion occurs and my face turns red. Even things that are remotely perceived of as related to injustice or unfairness cause an exaggerated response. So you see although I believe something this does not make it true. I may want to think that I am a nice-gentle-lamb of a person, but this is not true. I am more like an obsessed humanitarian-zealot, who blows up at people that seem to be supporting the inhumane side of life.
Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that just because we believe something that does not make it so. This of course includes myself. I have a tendency to be more than certain of things that I say. I can admit when I discover them to be false or in error but when I think something is true I have this tendency to state them like I have never been more sure of something in my entire life...maybe something good, maybe something bad...it's nice to be sure of myself but I do sometimes go over the top but I think that others do too.
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
This week I would like to talk about closet cases. Not just any closet cases but the ones that make trouble for the rest of us who are just trying to go about our business and not have to put up with garbage in our lives.
Now this will rewuire some clearification. I am not trying to diss or knock closet cases as a whole, even though I think that things would be better all around if everyone would just be themselves. But if people want to be in the closet that's fine. It's up to them and they should not have to be judged for it. It's their life and their choise. Whom I want to discuss is the closet cases that want to distract from their being gay, or bisexual by verbally and physically bashing those of us who are brave enough to be ourselves. Those people really piss me off. I mean it's all fine and dandy to lie to the world and even to yourself but don't go draging me into your parthetic sad little self-degradation and denial.
See I don't mind gay people that get married and refuse to be themselves and I never have to hear from. But those fags that I see at church meetings who are bashing gays and lesbians the day after they grabbed my ass when I was coming out of a gay church group meeting the night before. Or those people that say that gay people have a choice and that we are wrong for being gay when they made a choice in the contrary.
I actually had someone tell me that gay people were "wrong" just the other day. He said that he had made a choice between men and women. So I asked him if he had really made a choice, he said that he had. Just to get it staight (no punn intended) I asked him "So you could be attracted to a man or a woman?" And he say "Yes." So I informed him that he was bisexual. Of course this pissed him off because he seriously believes that everyone in the world has had the choice between being gay or straight and that he made a choice like everyone else. He doesn't seem to understand that not everyone is bisexual. I suppose that someone with some influence told him this lie and so he belieces it.
I find that to be no excuse. If you want to hide from me or yourself or the whole world that's just fine. But not only do you hurt me and the rest of the world when you bash your own kind but you also make yourself look like a closet case. Exposing yourself to those that you are trying to hide from.
You know it, I know it, and I'm going to say it. Anyone that is extreme, both physically and verbally, in their homophobic rantings and ravings is either a closet case or a straight person with some sort of inferioity complex, but that's for another rant.
So closet cases hear me please, do us both a favour either come out or shut up until you do. Otherwise we might have to start defeding ourselves and out you.
Talk to you all next week.
PS Oh and for those of you who are in the closet and not bashing, good for you, I know that it's scary and hard, but at least no one is getting hurt. You're obviously smart enough to know that it won't get you anywhere. Those of you who do bash, think about stopping.
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
It's been a long time since I've updated my web site, and I am sorry that it's been so long. I've had a few things come to mind to talk about in my rants so here's one of them.
Has anyone been asked if they think if this character on a british childrens' television series is gay? Some character called Tiny Winky? Now I know very little about the TeleTubbies... I don't know how to spell them. I do know my opinion of them. I really don't care about them at all, and frankly I think everyone who has spent countless hours debating over the sexual orientation of some fur covered suit with a plastic face piece has wasted thier time. Come to think of it they've wasted my time as well. Who cares!?
Now it's not that I'm not into hypothetical debates over the metaphysical. I love discussing abstract ideas, or arguing over right and wrong, but they sexual orientation of a fictisious fur ball that says "Oh oh." and "Tinky Winky" repeatedly is just not my idea of intellegent conversation. If there was something going on in the world of politics surrounding the sexual orientation of some public figure or if there was some debate over the television program's producers' right to portray gay characters now those conversations I'll participate in. But if someone wants my opinion about whether or not some purple guy on a kids' entertainment show is queer...well it's just plain stupid. I mean come on people get lives. This is rediculous.
No wonder humanity has yet to establish global peace. We're procrastinating by trying to figure out if some purple fuzz ball with a baby's face is gay just because it carries a purse and has a triangle on it's head. And yet we haven't found the time to feed our starving or shelter our homeless. The cure for cancer is still out there waiting to be discovered, along with the solution for the common cold, but we're busy figuring out the sexual orientation of a some purple fellow with a tv in his stumach.
I have a question for anyone whose ever spent time discussing this thing's (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation. When was the last time you went out side? I don't mean to walk to a class or work or travel somewhere to sit inside. I mean when was the last time that you spent to time to be outside in nature and just enjoy it? Cause honey you need to get out more. Please try to find something constructive to do with your time...like sports, reading novels, volunteer work, or home work. Heck cleaning would be more constructive.
Ponder this for the next little while: if humanity spent as much time working towards feeding the poor as they do, as a whole, discussing the trivial and pointless. . . we'd probably already have the problem of poverty solved by now.
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
February 6th, 1999
Well for all you out there who don't know how to have a disagreement with someone I figure I'll give you some useful and handy hints to letting out how you feel.
oaky here's the situation, you're mad as all hell cause the person that you really care about has just hurt your feelings in some way. Now they should not have been insensitive to your needs, but they are still someone that you care about and you want them to know how upset you are right now. Well here's just a suggestion that will help you to get across to them how you are feeling...tell them. Go figure, eh? Tell them that you are really pissed off and that they hurt your feelings. You don't have to be all calm about it, although some decorrum never hurt (or embarrassed) anyone.
Now you might be very very upset and you might not feel like talking about it. You might feel so enraged that you want to hit your friend that has just offended you. Well that's when you look at them and say that you need to take some time, even a few minutes, and be alone for a bit. Let them know how long you need and then go. That way you can work out your anger in the immediate stage and come back in a sane state to share how you are feeling in a way that will get you what you need. Hitting them will just make them upset and unwilling to talk to you about how you feel.
Here's a little exercise to help you work out what you want to say. Try a positive "I" statement in your head to help you phrase how you are feeling. It truely does get taken to heart when you say how you are feeling. I'll give you an example of a positive I statement: "I feel hurt when people hit me because it injures me physically and it scares me, so I want you not to do it again."
Try using it in your head before you say what you want to the other person, that way it will be thought out enough for you to properly say what you are felling. You can get mad, it's perfectly normal and acceptable to be angry. But remember angry feelings not angry actions otherwise it just blows things way out of preprotion and all you'll be after is sorry.
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
January 24th, 1999
Anyone out there ever wonder why it is that so many places in the world are making it manditory for people to get their picture taken when they get their driver's liscence? I mean, what do they need your picture for if you have a liscence and a whole bunch of other stuff too. Sure it makes sure that you are the person that is supposed to have the liscence and all but really if they're going to force you to have a picture on your liscence then they really shouldn't make you have to pay more for it should they?
I mean really they're the ones that are making you get your picture taken. And they aren't even decent pictures most of the time. I mean hey you're coming home from work and you remember that you need to renew your liscence so you aren't going to have a lot of time to stop and fix your hair, do your makeup (if you wear it), and generally clean yourself up from a long day at work (or school and maybe shopping if you've been out getting those new fashions that you've been saving up for). And who wants to pay and extra fifteen dollars for this silly picture anyway? I mean they're forcing you to get it.
Now in Saskatchewan they haven't started this yet but they are probably going to soon enough. It's just a piece of plastic with your picture on it in most of the other provinces around here. I recently saw show on CBC (Candian Broadcasting Company) and they were talking about this guy, who although rather the extremist (believing this new digital technology to be spreading the mark of the beast by taking pictures of everyone), refused to get his picture taken for his driver's permit and suddenly he's getting auditted by Revinue Canada, police officers are pulling him over cause his liscence (although a temperary non-photo version) is not totally valid, and computers are refusing his checks. Odd huh?
Now I love the net and I like technonlogy but this is a bit rediculous. Sure we need to be able to identify ourselves and I have no personal objection to being photographed for my liscence. But there are some people who just don't want to have their pictures taken, many for religious and other personal beliefs and they should not be forced into doing something that they aren't comfortable with. Especially since no one is being hurt by a farmer who just wants to do his work on the farm, buy his supplies with a check now and then, and live a good life not hurting anyone.
I guess I was somewhat moved by the story, he's really frightened of the system and it's punishing him for it. That's no way to get people to like working within the system. Besides the Ontario Bureau of Transportation is selling the information that they have on people to this big international information service that resells it to other companies so that they can pop peoples' pictures up on computer terminals when people want to give checks. I don't know if I want people to be able to see my nasty driver's liscence picture up when I'm out at the mall anyway.
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
January 16th, 1999
This is the longer version of an article that I wrote this week for the campus news paper. Since I'm sure that they'll butcher it.
An Out; Closet Armchair Quarterback
I have a confession to make, I’m a gay man (no darling that wasn’t the confession), and I like sports (that was the confession). You wouldn’t be able to tell to look at me but I like sports, actually I almost love sports. Sure none of my friends will think so and I certainly won’t admit to it if you ask me, I’m only telling you this cause it’s for the center, but I truly do like sports. And no it’s not just because there’s a bunch of really healthy men running around on a field or a court wearing spandex, I could watch Bay Watch if I wanted to stare at scantily-clad men. I honestly do like sports for the competitive nature of it all. The rush of seeing a team defeat another team with strategic skill and planning, physical prowess, and a lot of hard work. Watching a player careen into the end zone, shatter a back board, send a slap shot past the goalie’s knee just barely making it in time to win the game. I especially like it if my team wins.
But you’ll never hear that from me, outside of this article. Nope, and none of my friends will even believe this. You see, I hide the fact that I like sports from everyone. I change the channel when my room mate come upstairs, from a CBC replaying of an NFL game, just cause it was the only game on peasant vision, that was played earlier in the day. She asks me “What are you watching?” My replay “Oh just some movie on channel 8.” You’re probably wondering why I hide this rather basic fact about myself. Well I’ll tell you. Gay men are not supposed to like sports...especially not football, and if they do like football they aren’t supposed to like it enough that even an NFL game will suffice. Actually they aren’t supposed to know what the difference between the CFL and the NFL is. (Although, hey if they can’t count downs properly and want to put their goal posts in the wrong place that’s none of my business; there are others but I don’t want to get started). We aren’t supposed to enjoy sitting in a crowd and yelling at the top of lungs for a sports team, we’re supposed hate sports and everything they stand for. Competitiveness, some would say sexism...although I think that women’s sport is great too (and hey if she wants to be on a guy’s team that’s fine with me as long as she plays just as well I don’t care), violence, capitalism (don’t give me that “it’s for the sport” crap....it’s for the money). But I like it, all of it. Challenge, team work, keen eyes, good grip on the ball or stick if it’s hokey or lacross and a few other sports, the occasional slamming of the opponent, and yes once in a while I like a good splattering of blood for good measure. But I’m not supposed to like it, I’m supposed to be a left-wing, humanitarian, politically correct, wine cooler drinking, sports hating, gay man. Now I am a left wing, humanitarian, usually politically correct, gay man; and yes I do like some wine coolers but so do you. I just don’t hate sports, I like them. Quite frankly my best recollection of high school was cheering on the football team, even though we didn’t often win and if we won we didn’t win by much, but it was fun. I still makes sure that I play on the softball team every year during the pride week family day in the park, or that there are going to be enough people playing. No wait I didn’t play this year, I was busy. But I was sad that I couldn’t play...I was doing something else that day or something. . .Oh yeah it was raining.
Anyway there’s the confession of a gay man, who will never speak of this again, I’ve gotten away with sneaking in my sports for 22, nearly 23, years and I’m not going to start admitting to it now. Although if my friends ever want to drag my out (no pun intended) to a sporting event they won’t get much argument from me. One last thing though, am I mistaken or did the Cowboys lose an at home playoffs game this season for the first time since 1983? I think I’m right. I don’t know for sure I can’t sneak in the sports news, it’s hard enough covering up the games. I'm so ashamed (sarcasm) I'm a gay man and I know what a line of scrimmage is.
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
Welcome to a new year. Let us hope that it's better than last year. Globally last year was bad politically, economically, and in general just nasty for humans. Weather was bad, except for here (El Ninio was good to Saskatchewan), war was really bad (in fighting all over the place): humanitarian movements were up about 57% last year and yet the effecetiveness has yet to fully set in. Hopefully this will be a year where the initiatives of the past begin to show some fruit. They just got rolling so let's hope for the best. And maybe plan for the worst.
Last year for me was quite terbulent. Better than many of the years that I've had in my life, but worse than others. Of course that all depends on which aspect of my life you're looking at. I think that the first half was a big earthquake in my life and the second half of the year I've spent cleaning up. I know that this year will be better because I am going to nake it better. No matter what.
My interactions with others will become more honest and healthier for it, and my communication with myself will become more honest and heathier for it too. It's not going to be easy and I'm sure I'll stuble along through it but I won't fall. I refuse to. Of course since this is rather new to me I will need get practiced at it and that'll mean making mistakes and getting messy...figuratively speaking. I will have to learn where to go and not go with the honesty thing in that I am often too honest when I am being honest and often not clear at all when I'm not being totally honest. So I'm gonna stop messing up my life and teh lives of others this year by being honest enough so that people understand what I need and hold back enough so that it a)doesn't get too complicated and b) doesn't end up being one long drawn out confusing conversation that no one can figure out what I was trying to say when it's done. That'll mean not neccessarily shutting up but taking some time to burn away what is funiming inside so that I can give people what is at the core of the fire(a metphor that come from someone that I know), when I'm upset by something or need to say where I am at on a subject.
Of course I might need to walk away from some situations or even people in my life from time to time. Either to go take a time out in order to properly organise my thoughts so that I can come back at as soon a time as possible (it's not good to gunny sack problems either) and discuss them in as fair and mature a way as is possible. This might mean walking away from people for good, cutting the unhealthy relationships that refuse to heal out of my life for good. And if need be, I will. I'll have difficulty doing it but I'll do it. I have to.
Alas I have run out of things to say on this subject, I'm sure that I'll be commenting on my progress on this in my person growth page throughout the year. So check it out and I'll make sure to keep you updated.
Email me at ryan_fea@hotmail.com
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