Welcome to my home away from home. My name is Barbara. I'm a heterosexual crossdresser. If that subject offends you, you should press your back button NOW.

I'm happily married and have three children. My wife knows about Barbara but is only tolerant. The children are totally ignorant of Barbara, I hope.

You are probably here for the same reason that I visit your site. You want to see my pictures en femme.Well, they are a little out of date and not available right now.

MY FIRST TIME OUT

I have been looking at all of the sites on the web for some time. The stories from many of the sisters were similar to my story. The more I read, the more I wanted to take the plunge and do something other than put on lingerie in the bedroom. I wanted to pass as a woman.

I finally called up all of my courage (foolhardiness) and contacted one of the local TRI-ESS girls via email. (I'll call her Jackie, because I don't have her permission to use her name.) TRI-ESS has email addresses for many of its local chapters. We set up an appointment at one of the local malls for a Tuesday early in February. Tuesday was five days away. The anticipation was excrutiating and got worse when my contact had to cancel. We rescheduled for Thursday: more anticipation.

She would be en femme and wearing a red suit and black boots. I thought that this girl is really confident to dress en femme at a busy shopping mall. I arrived a little early. One woman walked buy in a red suit, but I couldn't see her shoes at first. Sorry, no black boots. I got up and walked around. THEN, I SAW HER, SEATED NEAR THE COFFEE SHOP. She saw me. I was committed.

There were two girls to interview me. We talked for about 30 minutes. I was put very much at ease by someone who had obviously done this before. The next chapter meeting was Saturday, February 14. I was given directions to the home of the member who was hosting the meeting. Time went by ssslllooowwwlllyy.

February 14 came. I showered and shaved just before dinner, and I told the kids I was going to the office. My office is deserted on Saturday.

I had put on my panties, panty hose, bra and slip right after my shower. I was wearing my drab clothes over the lingerie. I got to the office and proceeded to put on my face: Max Factor pancake makeup, liquid makeup, mascara, eyeshadow, lipstick and blush. I then put on my blouse, skirt, jacket and heels and finally my blond wig and a necklace. I was set to go. My big test had arrived. I had to walk out into the hallway, out of the building and over to the parking lot to my car. I did it and met no one along the way. It was a thirty minute drive to the meeting.

I reached the address and parked my car. The second test had arrived. I got out of the car, walked a short way down the sidewalk and walked up to the home. I was late (but that is a girl's perogative). I was welcomed to the meeting which went by a lot faster than I imagined.

I left a little early so that I could be home as soon after 10:00 as possible. It was a thirty minute ride back to the office. When I got there, my bladder said it was time to go NOW. The place was deserted, so I took my heart and the restroom key in my hands and went to the women's restroom. That had been one of my goals, and I was glad I did it.

Off with the face (I had packed a wet wash cloth) and back home. The big nite was over.

GOING TO THE MALL

I missed the March meeting because of family obligations. Jackie said not to worry. Family obligations come first. She suggested that we could get together as two women sometime. I thought that was a great idea. We would review our calendars and arrange a convenient time.

In the interim, I had bought a blue dress that was on the clearance rack at a local department store. It was only $24. Dresses are always a problem. My broad shoulders like a size 12, but my hips prefer a size 10. I had bought a size 10, and it fit everywhere except in the arms. If I stretched my arms, the sleeve rose halfway to the elbow exposing my very unladylike arm. The solution was a new pink sweater in a large size.

Friday, March 27, was the day. Again, I told the kids I needed to do some work in the office. Again, it was Max Factor, liquid makeup, powder, eyeshadow, mascara, blush and lipstick. I had the most sensuous feeling zipping up the dress. You feel encased in the clothing rather than feeling as if you are wearing it. I slipped on the pink sweater, put on my suede heels, adjusted the wig and left. The trip to Jackie's home was uneventful except that I got lost for a while.

I reached the house at 8:00p.m. Jackie wanted to go to Sears to buy an Easter outfit. She had mentioned this in a prior email, but I had expressed some reluctance. Excitement prevailed over common sense, and I said "OK."

We had a few minutes, and I put on my nail polish. Jackie helped. It was just a touch to add to the mystique.

We got in the car and drove to the mall, both of us en femme. She had to pay a bill first at one of the department stores. We found a parking place near the entrance and got out of the car. I was terrified. Three or four young women came out of the store and got in the car next to us. I stood there for a while waiting for the worst. "Come on Barbara," said Jackie. None of the women took a second look even though we were not more than 15 or 20 feet from them. That was a relief, and I walked into the store wearing my new blue dress. I had never been en femme in public before.

We walked through housewares to the credit department. I was a nervous wreck. There were two young girls at the end of the hallway who saw me and began to giggle. Oh Great, I thought. I slipped around the corner and looked at the kitchen gadgets.

Jackie finished her business and said, "Let's look at the dresses." So, rather than leaving the store, I walked farther into the store to the dress department. We looked at a few dresses and then left the store. No one had said a word, other than the giggling girls.

But Jackie wasn't finished, she still wanted to go to Sears. She drove to the other end of the mall, and we got out again.Sears was well lighted, and I just knew someone would make a scene. But, no one did. We were in Sears for about 15 minutes, and I finally started to get some confidence.

I don't think we fooled anyone. Usually, the salepeople are very helpful, but no one even came over to talk to us. At least we wern't laughed out of the store.

We returned to Jackie's home, and, after a few words, I left for home. But first, I had to get gasoline. Having obtained some confidence, I pulled into the back row of pumps at a self-serve station. A car pulled up at the other side of the pump and a great looking GG got out and walked over to pay for gas. She never looked twice at me. I felt great. I headed home.

Be sure to add something in the "email" category. It won't take your entry unless you do.

Updated May 7, 1999 to add some pictures.