About me:

I'm forty-something,, and I work in the Hi-tech industry. I have been playing around with computers since the first ones became available almost twenty years ago (I still have my first one!!) and it's one of my favorite hobbies. I also enjoy hiking and camping, making music,  reading books, and working on my various web pages.

Like many transgendered people I have gone through periods of denial when I pretend that I am just like everyone else. I move to a new city, get a new job, or begin a new relationship, and purge my feminine wardrobe. Months or even years might go by, but ultimately, I buy a pair of pantihose, or some heels, and start the pattern all over again. I have been plagued my shame and guilt for decades because of this "fetish" that I have. Then, a couple of years ago, I discovered the internet, and things began to change for me. I realized that I was not alone, that there were thousands of people like me only a mouse-click away.

I  have been crossdressing since I was a child of maybe eight or ten years of age. I have been in the closet all these years until in spring of 1998, wnen my wife found out about it. One day, my wife was browsing through my files on the hard drive and found a directory labeled "tvs". She asked me why I had pictures of tranvestites, so I told her that I have been fascinated with crossdressing my whole life, and that I was one myself. She didn't speak to me for days. (She was not too happy about it and we were in counseling for most of last year.) In November of 1998 we separated, and I have been living in my own place since then. Our divorce became final in April of 1999, but we still have managed to remain friends. We both feel that our friendship is very important, nor do we have any regrets about having been married. Even though we were unable to save the marriage, we both feel we have benefitted greatly from seeing the marriage counselor, and this is in part the reason why we have been able to remain friends. I never intended for her to find out that way, but because of my shame, I was never able to bring it up on my own. In spite of the difficulties that this has caused, I feel that a great weight has been lifted from me. The years of hiding are over, and I feel like I can finally be a whole person. I am not sure how this will ultimately manifest, but I can say that Valerie is finally out of the closet!

Like many of my interests, I find that I don't have the time to pursue my gender exploration as much as I would like. Last spring I  purchased some cosmetics for the first time and took some photographs. Although I was not entirely pleased with how most of them came out, I did learn a lot from the experience. A few weeks later I took some more, and re-arranged my picture pages a little. Then periodically I take a few more, and with each subsequent series of photos I feel they came out  better than the previous. As I go out in public more often, I get a little better at applying makeup and I feel that my overall appearance has improved somewhat as well. I have gone through and revamped my picture pages again, removing ones that I feel were not entirely flattering, and putting in some of the new ones.

I go out "en femme" several times a week now, and not just to TG friendly clubs. I have become more involved in the local TG community, and frequently meet people for lunch or whatever. Sometimes we get strange looks from people, but I am fortunate in that I have never been harassed or otherwise bothered by anyone about my appearance.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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