Valerie's Virtual World

 Well, I finally did it. Since my spouse was working that night, I got to go to the TG support group social "en femme". Here is an excerpt from my diary for August 2nd, 1998:

"The first thing that happened was getting a flat tire this afternoon. I change the tire and then get it fixed, wasted about an hour. Now I am late getting ready. I have to shave my face and my legs, do my makeup and get dressed. I am still trying to figure out what to wear. I settle on a black crepe dress and a silk black print silk top, white hose and black suede shoes. I also have never done up my nails before, but I figure I may as well go all the way. I cut my face shaving, but I am in a hurry and can't wait around for the cuts to stop bleeding. I am so nervous I can't get my eyebrows on strait, I must have used twenty q-tips fussing with my eyes trying to get the eye liner right. finally I am ready, it's almost dark as I venture out my own front door for the first time as Valerie. I keep my head down in case any neighbors are out in their front yards, I want to avoid eye contact. I get in the truck and start the engine. It is awkward driving in heels, if I clutch with my toes, my legs cramp. I wind up using the middle of my foot, fortunately the clutch is adjusted so this is not a problem. Now I'm driving down my street,  fortunately, nobody is out and about, and I escape unnoticed.
Now my main worry is getting stopped by a policeman. I drive slower than normal, five miles under the speed limit instead of ten over. I hit every light along the way, just waiting for somebody to say something, but no one does. My palms are sweating, as is the rest of me. It is August, and still fairly hot, even though it is almost 9 o'clock at night. The air conditioning seems to have little effect. Finally I arrive. There aren't too many people on the street, I get out of my truck and carry my stuff up the stairs. I pass another T-girl on the way, someone I don't recognize. Then I see a familiar face. At last, I think to myself, I am safe.
"Who are you looking for?" she says to me. It takes me a moment to realize that she doesn't recognize me!
"I'm looking for you!" I say, as I enter the building. Inside a few people I know are sitting around a table. From their puzzled looks I realize that they don't recognize me either! I take this as a good sign, but I am so nervous that can barely speak. Eventually, everyone figures out who I am and we settle in and play cards for awhile. Someone made a banana bread or something equally delightful which we all consume with enthusiasm. I didn't tell anyone that it was my first night out as Valerie, and it isn't until the next day that everyone learns the reason for my obvious nervousness. I don't know exactly why I didn't tell them at the time, but I just didn't want to have people make a big fuss. As time went on, I became more relaxed and began to enjoy myself. We ended our gathering reluctantly around eleven o'clock, and I went home to change. Driving back wasn't nearly as tense as driving up, and I felt that I had really accomplished something that I have wanted to do for a long time. Nothing bad happened, nobody said anything mean or cruel, I had a really nice time.
It probably helped that I was in a small group of people that I already knew, I certainly didn't feel ready to venture out in a public place yet, but it was a start.
Our group is just so nice and warm and very supportive, I look forward to doing it all again next month!!"

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