Sincero was both cursed and blessed by his name. Cursed because he always felt the enormous pressure put upon him by his mother to do his name proud and blessed because everyone called him Sin and that was very cool. He’d heard the story of his baptism many times. His mother had held his tiny head above the holy water and invoking Christ himself she shouted into every crevice of the old church: “My son Sincero shall be sincere for all his life.” Father Palomba was outraged at this crass upstaging of his Baptismal address. It was hard enough already to be heard above the usual din of howling, screeching infants. But Sincero had been perfectly quiet, a rare opportunity for Father Palomba to show off his Latin and his new and improved Baptismal dipping skills. Until the woman stole his thunder.
Pride and vanity were the stumbling blocks on his road to higher holiness.
Sincero was the apple of his mother’s eye. For him she had risked permanent outcast status in Father Palomba’s book: The cold shoulder at church events, sloppy delivery of the Communion host, a certain nonchalance in the confessional. It was all worth it because she truly believed that God had heard her declaration and would thus watch over her son as if he were one of the chosen few. As far as she was concerned Sincero could do no wrong and Sincero wholeheartedly agreed. Even when he was guilty of some childhood transgression or another, it was always explained away by his mother as having been caused by peer pressure or else she outright blamed somebody else’s child and spread the word to the entire neighborhood about the “maleducato” offspring of some no good family. Sincero escaped blame and punishment every time. No one dared accuse him of anything for fear that his mother would come after their own offspring spewing wild accusations and tarnishing the family’s reputation and standing in the neighborhood. Sincero’s mother was like his own personal body guard. She may not have been protecting him physically, although with her stocky, muscular frame and a pitbull’s killer instinct she probably could have fended off any takers, but she was always his first line of defense. So, with mama as chief sentry in his army of one, Sincero held the entire neighborhood hostage.
His first taste of true power came at the ripe age of 12. Most of the neighborhood boys spent countless hours lollygagging at the corner store where their meager allowances were spent on Popeye candy cigarettes and barbecue chips. The store owner, Mr. D’Addario, knew all the boys well. His store was actually located in the basement of his house and his wife was fond of complaining about the fact that he hadn’t set foot in the house in 15 years. He was always in the store. He gently reminded his wife that the store had paid for their kids’ fancy birthday presents as well as her monthly permanents and dye jobs not to mention her new dentures. She couldn’t argue with that. Mrs. D’Addario always sported the tightest curls, the least amount of visible black roots East of Main Street and now the whitest teeth money could buy. So what if their queen sized bed sagged on her side only? Small price to pay for good hair and a brilliant smile. On one particular Saturday afternoon Mr. D’Addario, whom everybody called Daddy for short, was busy rearranging the Fudgesicles and Space Bars in his freezer while the local boys sat on the store steps gnawing on shoe string licorice. Pino, a usually bouncy, peppy boy joined the group.
“Hey Pino whatsa matter?” inquired Johnny.
“Shit.” Pino muttered.
“You got a shit problem?” Johnny always took everything literally.
“No, idiot. I gotta buy something.”
“I can’t loan you any money, man.” Sincero didn’t like parting with his money.
“I don’t need money. I gotta buy -” Pino hesitated and was visibly embarrassed.
“What? Just say it you freak.” Johnny hated suspense.
“My mother, she wants, you know...” Pino hoped they would fill in the blanks themselves. They all took a shot at it.
“Tomato paste?”
“Cheese?”
“Stupid girl magazines?”
“Toilet paper?”
“A hair net?”
They’d all been sent out for these items in the past.
Frustrated, Pino yelled out: “No she wants me to buy Kotex, man.”
A hush fell over the gang. Nobody had ever been sent to the store for any type of feminine hygiene product before.
“No way.” Frankie’s eyes were bulging.
“I told you. I gotta buy that shit for her or else my father’s gonna hear about it and beat the crap out of me.”
“Pino you can’t do it, man.” Sincero thought Pino’s mother must be insane.
“I know, I know. But I gotta. But I can’t. I can’t ask Daddy for that shit, man. He’s gonna laugh so hard. He’s gonna call me a girl or something.”
“So what, you’re not a girl. You have cogliones now. You could just show your balls.”
“Johnny, you’re such a stupid freak.”
“Yeah, you got no brains, Johnny.” Frankie’s eyeballs had finally retreated back into their sockets.
“What should I do, Sin? She said if I don’t buy them for her she’s gonna go out with a big sheet between her legs.”
“That’s really gross.” Robby didn’t know the first thing about menstruation but the idea of Pino’s fat mother walking around with a sheet between her legs was nauseating enough. They all turned to Sincero, knowing that he’d find a solution.
“Your mother’s crazy, man. But I’m crazy, too. Come on.”
With a slight nod of his head, Sincero had the whole gang follow him into the store. They scattered all over the place, Johnny trying to stifle his giggles.
“E ragazzi, attenzione! I just mop the floor, be careful.”
“Hey, Daddy don’t worry. You got any good dirty magazines?” Johnny thought it might help if he distracted Daddy.
“Johnny, your mama know you look at naked ladies?”
“What naked ladies?” Pino punched Johnny’s arm, shutting him up.
As Daddy made his way back around the counter to the cash register Sincero stepped in front of him.
“Hey, old man, there’s something I want. And I’m gonna take it.”
“You pay like everybody else.”
“No. I don’t do like everybody else.”
“Sincero -”
“You know what my mother’s gonna do if she finds out you treated me bad?”
All the boys were staring intently, savoring this showdown between young and old.
“Remember last summer? In the park with your stupid kid?”
“O Dio mio! What do you want?”
“None of your business. Go behind the counter there and don’t turn around.”
“You gonna rob me or something?”
“Just shut up and turn around.” Sincero’s voice took on a menacing tone albeit a slightly squeaky one as his adult voice was still some years away.
Daddy did as he was told, hating being held hostage by a twelve year old boy but knowing full well what the wrath of Sincero’s mother could produce. After all, his daughter was nearing marrying age and Daddy still had hopes that she would marry into a good family. She was a good girl and didn’t deserve to have unfounded allegations sully her virginal reputation.
The rest of the boys were transfixed by what they saw and heard so when Sincero turned to them they seemed glued to the floor.
“Come on Pino. You know where it is?” Sincero shook Pino out of his inertness.
“Yeah.” Pino went to the shelf which held diapers, the baby and adult versions, and various sanitary napkins. He grabbed a big box of Kotex pads then realized he had nowhere to hide it.
He whispered to Sincero: “I got nowhere to put it, man.”
“I gotta do everything for you?” Sincero took a large paper bag from the counter and as Pino shoved the Kotex inside, the rest of the boys started stuffing candy in it as well.
Daddy’s eyes stayed fixed on the Holy Apostles calendar that he’d tacked on the wall behind the cash register. Each month depicted one of the Apostles preaching to a small gathering of men and women. Sometimes small, colorful birds sat perched on a shoulder or in the case of Paul’s month, little squirrels gathered at his feet. April was Barnabas’ month, Daddy’s favorite.
“Okay, go. I’ll meet you outside.” Sincero ordered.
The boys ran out of the store laughing and the sound brought Daddy out of his reverie. He turned to face Sincero.
“It’s over old man.”
“Sincero, when you gonna learn to be a man?”
“I am a man. Just not old like you.”
“When your mother baptize you -”
“Shut up.” Sincero hated being reminded of his mother’s baptismal declaration.
“I told you it’s over. I got what I wanted. I know you’re not gonna tell anybody.”
Daddy sighed, knowing the kid was right. The boys were waiting for Sincero on the street corner and when he joined them there was much congratulating, shoulder slapping and boasting going on.
“Sin, you’re my hero.”
“You scared the shit out of Daddy.”
“It’s like you were DeNiro or something.”
“Yeah, I could be like DeNiro. Only better ‘cause he just shows off in movies but me, I’m the real thing.”: Sincero crowed.
Truth be known, he’d been the tiniest bit afraid that his scheme wouldn’t work. With his buddies watching, it was very important to Sincero that he show no trepidation or doubt, that he be strong and bullish and show no mercy. He had pulled it off and his buddies were in awe. Sincero basked in their admiration.
“What was it like, man?” Johnny asked.
“It was cool. I got the power, man. I got a huge boner when I told the old man to shut up.”
“Get out!” Frankie’s eyes were bulging again.
“You never seen a hard on Frankie?” Sincero liked to tease Frankie.
“Sure, you know...”
“He’s such a freak, Sin. You still got it, man? Wanna go to my house? My mother’s not home so you don’t have to do it in the bathroom.” Johnny volunteered.
“Do what?” Frankie regretted his question as soon as it left his lips.
“What do you think? Screw Pino’s mother? That’s no good ‘cause she got those Kotexes in her thing.”
Pino had remained quiet throughout, staring down at his paper bag, but the mention of his mother brought him back to reality.
“Shut up, man. Don’t talk about my mother.”
“Stop talking about those Kotexes. It’s making me sick.” Robby belched.
“What a buncha losers. When I get famous I’m gonna forget about all you freaks. Go bring the thing to your mother, Pino. And tell her you’re a man and men don’t buy that shit, ok?” Sincero patted Pino on the back.
“Thanks Sin.” Pino said dejectedly.
This event, more than any before, signaled the beginning of Sincero’s life of crime. He had enjoyed himself tremendously while bullying Daddy in the man’s own store. The erection he bragged about had surprised him at first but subsequent episodes had produced the same result so now it became his secret weapon. If it didn’t happen he knew the situation wasn’t right and he usually backed out. He rarely backed out. No matter what crime he committed, always his mother lavished praise and pasta daily.
Thoughts of his mother flooded Sincero’s memory as Father Palomba droned on about Jesus preparing a place in heaven for all his children. The dearly departed was on her way there and the nearly departed, who occupied the two front pews, clasped their hands tighter together in prayer, hoping that there would still be room for them. Arturo Caserta didn’t want to leave anything to chance and had already requested that his wine making equipment and his universal remote control be buried along with him.
Sincero sat at the end of a back pew listening to the muffled sobs and various inarticulate sounds of grief surrounding him. They had all gathered here for his mother’s funeral. He had lost his father to a construction site accident many years ago, before Sincero really knew who the man was. He never mourned the loss because he had no concrete memory of his father and his mother kept him well removed from the hysterics of other family members.
Sincero could not summon up any tears for his deceased mother. Instead, he smiled to himself, reminiscing about all the times she had leapt to his defense. Even when he reached his early twenties and his crimes became more serious, his mother never questioned his innocence. There was a line, though, which Sincero didn’t dare cross. It was fine to mess somebody up but taking a life was too much to ask anyone to defend. Sincero had had a few requests of this nature recently but had to turn them down. Nicky Papagallo had been quite insistent in his plea and Sincero had difficulty saying no.
“Sin, you’re the only guy that can do it”: urged Nicky.
“Nicky, man, I’m flattered, but I can’t do that to my mother.”
“He’s a bad man, Sin, you’d be doing your mother and my mother a favor.”
Nicky had a good point. The man he wanted done away with was like a festering boil on the cheek of their community. Sincero fancied himself as some kind of equalizer, an Italian Dirty Harry seeking justice and revenge. He wanted to do this so much he could taste it. The thought of eliminating this bad seed was strong motivation, but what really aroused Sincero was the image that had begun appearing in his dreams. The picture of this guy begging for his life, slobbering, crying that he deserved a second chance. In the dream, Sincero’s friends are there encouraging him, reminding him that this guy’s shameful behavior should not go unpunished.
“Sin, he fucked my 15 year-old sister, man.”
“He took my grandfather’s last dime, Sin.”
“The bastardo got my brother hooked on fucking drugs, man.”
They are like cheerleadrers, rah, rah, rahing him into action. The dream always ends with Sincero spitting in the guy’s face, his heart racing as he reaches into his jacket for a weapon. It’s never clear whether the weapon is a gun or a knife. At that point Sincero usually wakes up covered in sweat, not surprised at his state of intense arousal.
Back in the church, Nicky looks over to Sincero and nods his head toward the intended target who is also attending the funeral. How dare this low life show his face here, thinks Sincero. But he knew he’d be here, as did Nicky. When the casket is marched out of the church, Sincero feels like it’s the end of an era. His mother is really gone. Nicky joins him in the back pew.
“My sympathies, Sin. Let’s hope she’s going to a better place.”
“What better place? Her place was here with me.”
“She’s gone for real, man. It’s time...”
Sincero understands. Still, he can’t seem to let go.
“It’s all arranged, Sin. Meet me in the limo. We’ll take care of the disgraziato for good.”
Nicky walks out of the church and into the long black limo waiting on the curb. Sincero looks around at the old church, he can still feel his mother’s spirit in here. He secretly tells her to go to the better place and not worry about him. Sincero steps out into the rainy Wednesday afternoon. Nicky’s limo sits, purring on the quiet street. The mourners have dispersed. One of Sincero’s aunts waves to him, offering a ride in her ancient Caprice Classic. Nicky rolls down the tinted glass and sticks his head out of the limo’s back window. Sincero walks down the church’s steps not knowing where his feet will lead him.
