The Top 15 Signs You Drank Too Much This Weekend

15. You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping -- with your Oldsmobile.

14. Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.

13. Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.

12. Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.

11. For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal.

10. Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea's pancakes.

9. For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the *car*.

8. You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.

7. Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.

6. Absolut wants to run an add featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.

5. Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, "Hey, it's VomitMan!"

4. The doorman asks for you I.D. just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.

3. Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.

2. Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.

1. You're now sober enough to realize "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge.

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