COVER: TOP PHOTO - Alex Alman of the DFW Grotto peeking out from one of the many crevice caves at CBSP. Photo by Mark Alman of the DFW Grotto.

RIGHT PHOTO - Brad McClain (visitor to the DFW Grotto) preparing to make the drop down the abyss of Spaceheater Cave at Colorado Bend State Park. Photo by Mark Alman of the DFW Grotto.

The OZTOTL Caver is a monthly publication of the Dallas/Fort Worth (D/FW) Grotto of the National Speleological Society. The publication is free to D/FW Grotto members. Subscription rate is $10 per year for non-members. Visitors are sent three free issues after their first visit. After that, subscription is required to continue receiving The OZTOTL Caver.

COPYRIGHT © 1998 Dallas/Fort Worth Grotto. Internal organizations of the National Speleological Society may reprint any item first appearing in The OZTOTL Caver as long as proper credit is given and a copy of the newsletter containing the reprinted material is mailed to the editor. Other organizations should contact the editor before reprinting The OZTOTL Caver material.

The opinions and methods expressed in this publication are solely those of the respective authors, and not of the Dallas/Fort Worth Grotto or the National Speleological Society. The Dallas/Fort Worth Grotto and the National Speleological Society do not endorse, guarantee, or otherwise certify any such opinions or methods in any application or usage.

SUBMISSIONS and DEADLINES: Articles, announcements, artwork, photos, and material for publication are welcomed. All submissions must be submitted to the editor by the 2nd Wednesday of the month of desired publication. The editor reserves the right to edit inappropriate material, errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, and to edit for clarity. In the event of significant changes the author(s) will be given an opportunity to review changes prior to publication.

EXCHANGES: The Dallas/Fort Worth Grotto will exchange newsletters with other grottos at the Grotto's discretion. Contact the D/FW Grotto editor for further information.

MAILING: The editor is not responsible for lost or mis-directed newsletters caused by failure to notify editor in writing of address changes by the 2nd Wednesday of the month after address change.

Relevant Cave-oriented Information

Texas & Northern New Mexico

CAVE RESCUE Call Collect (512) 686-0234

Texas Speleological Association "The Texas Caver"

$25/year U.T. Station

Box 8026

Austin, TX 78713-8026

National Speleological Society NSS

$30/year Cave Avenue

Huntsville, Al 35810

Texas Cave Management Association

Regular- $100 P.O. Box 202853

Payable in (4) $25 Austin, TX 78720-2853

Installments

Keeper of The Grotto Carbide ($1 per pound)

Pete Lindsley 972-727-2497 (Home)

972-952-2827 (Work)

lindsley@mcopn.dseg.ti.com

Meeting Location

A backpacking/climbing/caving store, Recreational Equipment Inc., is the meeting site for the Dallas-Fort Worth Grotto. The address is 4515 LBJ Freeway, Farmers Branch, Texas 75244. The phone number is (972) 490-5989.

REI is located just west of the intersection of the Dallas North Tollway and the LBJ Freeway. To get there from Fort Worth and the mid-cities, take I-30, 183 or any east-west artery to Dallas and get on Stemmons Expressway (I-35), then follow it north and then turn east on 635 instead of continuing north toward Lewisville and Denton.

Take the North Dallas Tollway-Dallas Parkway exit (the Galleria and its twin towers are visible on the left or north as you exit.) Make a left on the overhead ramps, cross over 635 and make a left (or U-turn) to go back on the I-635 West service road. Stay on the service road, go through the light at Welch Road and REI is on the immediate right. If you get to Midway Road, you've gone too far.

From downtown Dallas, go north on the tollway, crossing over 635 and make the left to go west on LBJ. Then stay on the service road and watch for REI past Welch Road.

The REI store closes at 9 p.m. A climbing wall and shopping are available at the store before the meeting. If cavers want to get some climbing practice in, it's advisable to come around 5:30 p.m. The line forms quickly and early.

The REI store is the company's second largest in the country. REI stands for Recreational Equipment Inc. The Seattle-based cooperative sells climbing (and caving) hardware, rope and yes ... even carbide lamps.

The national retailer of outdoor gear and clothing for muscle-powered recreation employs several grotto members!

A prepared statement from the company says REI has supported outdoor conservation efforts since 1976. The company's corporate contributions program is designed to assist in the protection of public lands, rivers and trails nationwide. And REI takes an active role in the communities it serves with service projects for outdoor recreational opportunities.

D/FW Grotto Officers

CHAIRMAN David McClung (972) 594-1183

NSS# 29384RE

E-mail: cavers@gte.net

VICE-CHAIRPERSON Jerri Pearson (972) 843-8029

NSS# 43381RE

E-mail: pearsons@ix.netcom.com

SECRETARY Mike Pearson (972) 843-8029

NSS# 31572RE

22014 C.R. 850

Farmersville, TX 75442

EDITOR Mark Alman (972) 279-2386

NSS# 43400RE

3132 Emily Drive

Mesquite, TX 75150

E-mail: alman@bigfoot.com, cavers@msn.com, or dfwgrotto@geocities.com.

TREASURER Barbe Barker (972) 594-1183

NSS# 33397RE

E-mail: cavers@gte.net

LIBRARIAN & Mark Alman 972-279-2386

QUARTERMASTER See above address & email info.

The "Unofficial" DFW Grotto Homepage - (Mark's)

http://geocities.datacellar.net/Yosemite/Rapids/1854/

The "Official" DFW Grotto Homepage - (Mike's)

http://pw1.netcom.com/~pearsons/grotto.html#Table of Contents

Next Meeting

The meeting time and date is 7 p.m., April 22nd, 1998. The program description was unavailable at the time of this newsletter's mailing.

If you do not see a trip listed, but wish to participate, call some of the previous trip leaders to find out if a last minute trip is in the making. Many participants call trip leaders about possible upcoming trips; it is rarer to see trip leaders phoning potential participants.

It is a truism in the Dallas/Ft. Worth grotto that many trips are planned at the social hour at Taco Cabana after the meetings. Count on spending the hours from 9:00 to 11:00 hearing about previous trips and planning new ones.

Upcoming Events

---- April —

18 April - "Rites of Spring Party" - Somerville Co. Park. CR 1008 near Dinosaur Valley State Park.

24-26 April – TSA Convention - Blanco, TX. See article below.

24-26 April – Amistad Cave Project, Del Rio, Texas. Friday night camping and meeting spot at San Pedro tent area. Contact Cathy Winfrey at 512-444-0170. CANCELLED!!!!!!!

24-26 April---Earthday and the 75th Anniversary of Texas Parks and

Wildlife @ Colorado Bend State Park. Need for tour guides, and volunteers. Contact Dale Barnard @ 512-452-5709 or e-mail: barnard@fc.net.

— May —

8-10 May -- Colorado Bend State Park Project. Contact Dale Barnard @ 512-452-5709 or e-mail: barnard@fc.net, Terry Holsinger @
512-443-4241 or trhli@sprynet.com, or Butch Fralia @ 817-346-2039.

8-10 May – GYPKAP-, New Mexico. Contact Joli or Chris Lee at 505-585-8406 or jclee@wazoo.com.

23-25 May – Carlsbad Cavern CRF *-, New Mexico. Barbe Barker (972) 594-1183 or e-mail: cavers@gte.net

— June —

27-28 June – GYPKAP-, New Mexico. Contact Joli or Chris Lee at 505-585-8406 or jclee@wazoo.com.

— August —

3-7 August – NSS Convention -, Sewanee, Tennessee. Contact William Shrewsbury at 423-886-3296 or nss98@caves.org.

—September —

23-25 September – International Geological Correlation Program,

Project 379: "Karst Processes and the Global Carbon Cycle" -, Mammoth Cave, Kentucky. Contact Chris Groves at 502-745-5974 or
email: chris.groves@wku.edu or Joe Meiman at 502-749-2508 or email: jbmeiman@scrtc.blue.net.

* CRF is the Cave Research Foundation. Contact the Project Manager/Director for more information about joining a CRF project.

Last Grotto Meeting Minutes

Meeting was called to order at 7:20 PM. Several new visitors were recognized, including one who had gone black hole caving via inner tube in New Zealand. Cool! I'd like to give that a try.

Cave trips to CBSP, River Styx (Barbe and the Boy Scouts), Jester Cave in OK, MicKittrick Hill, Sand Cave, Sentinel Cave, all in New Mexico and visited by Shanon Seals and Dave Milhollin. Karen , Shanon, and Dave called their trip "The Comedy of Errors" and told us why! Barbe stated that quite a few bats were spotted in River Styx, so the early part of the year is probably not the time of year to visit the cave.

It was reported that the gate on Whirlpool Cave had been torn off, but Gil Ediger and the TSA have since replaced. Way to go guys!

Old business was the topic of Grotto dues. Please get it turned in ASAP! New business include discussion of the "Rites of Spring" Party (see "Upcoming Events"), Other business was the "Texas Trash-Off" which was conducted April 4^th. Pete Lindsley, Dave "Cave", Andrew and Mark Alman, and another gentleman whom I'm afraid I do not know his name, showed up and collected several bags of trash on our section of Hwy. 289. Thanks for the effort, y'all!

Dave Milhollin announced a cave diving course to be conducted Memorial Day weekend in Lake City, Florida. MUST BE OPEN-WATER CERTIFIED TO PARTICIPATE! International cave diving groups will also be in attendance.

Dave proposed a quarterly board members meeting and the idea was approved. Pete Lindsley was appointed the almighty "Keeper of the Carbide" and the Grotto will buy 100 pounds and sell it for $1 a pound. Contact Pete if you need any.

The Program was given by Shanon Seals on his work with the Carlsbad CRF, Ed Goff on the Powell's Cave Project, and a videotape on the life and unfortunate death of Floyd Collins was shown by Mike Pearson.

Activities and Projects

Honey Creek- Mark Minton, 512-847-7422.

Carlsbat Cavers- Phyllis Weston, (505) 887-6790 Restoration, Educational Programs, Off trail cave trips during busy holiday periods.

Carlsbad Caverns CRF - Contact Barbe Barker @ 972-594-1183 or e-mail: cavers@gte.net

Fitton Cave Survey- Pete Lindsley (972) 727-2497 or e-mail: lindsley@mcopn.dseg.ti.com

Madonna Survey Trips- Mike Huber (505) 887-6065

Mystic Cave Survey- Woodrow Thomas (903) 395-4431 or e-mail: wwthomas@tenet.edu

Government Canyon Karst Project - Dan Sharon (dansharon@prodigy.net) or

Marvin Miller (marvm66@juno.com) Colorado Bend State Park- Ed Young (915) 628-3449

Butch Fralia (817) 346-2029

Rune Barnett (512) 444-1127

Keith Heuss (512) 280-2812

Terry Holsinger @ 512-443-4241, trhli@sprynet.com.

Dale Barnard email: barnard@flash.net

Powell's Cave Survey - Terry Holsinger (512) 443-4241 or trhli@sprynet.com.

Whirlpool and Lost Oasis (TCMA caves)- Contact Nico Hauwert (512) 282-8441

Robber Baron (TCMA cave)- Contact James Loftin (210) 731-9392

0-9 Well (TCMA cave)- Contact Walter Feaster (915) 559-3297

Amazing Maze (TCMA cave)- Contact Walter Feaster (915) 559-3297

New TSA Trips and Projects – Marneldo Ranch – Uvalde County

Stiver Ranch – Kimble County

Creek Ranch – Bandera County

Precipico – Bustamante, N.L.

Palmito Clean up - Bustamante, N.L.

Contact Jim Kennedy at 512-443-8198 or email: jkennedy@batcon.org.

Yucatan Camping and Caving Trips - Dave Milhollin at 817-459-3959 or email Dave at rdmilh@tenet.edu.

1998 TSA SPRING CONVENTION - UPDATE!

Blanco, Texas

April 24-26, 1998

This year's Convention will be held at the "Gem of the Hills" Community Center (Senior Citizens Center) in Blanco. The community center is on the west side of SR 281, just north of the Blanco city limits. Camping is on site. The gate to the campground is slightly south of the driveway to the center itself, very close to a tire shop. The campground gate will be open after Noon on Friday. Registration will take place right inside the campground gate. The main building will only be open Saturday.

Cost for the event is $20 per person, children UNDER 12 are half price. The registration fee includes sessions, workshops, vendors, door prizes, camping, and the Saturday evening banquet. You can also pay your TSA dues at the same time.

Camping is a short walk from the sessions, and includes a variety of shaded and non-shaded sites. Real restrooms are in the campground, but no showers. Remember that 150 or so cavers will be there, so moderate your water use. No open fires are allowed, so bring stoves. Dogs are not allowed in the building, and must be kept on leash in the campground.

Also be aware that the Community Center is run by the local Senior Citizens group, who have established a no drugs or alcohol policy "as a way of setting a good example for our youngsters". This means be very discreet, and carry your beverages in a mug or plastic cup. They will check in on us throughout the weekend, so please don't ruin it by having cans or bottles lying around.

The center of campground life is the large open-air pavilion where the vendors will set up. Vendors will have electricity and will probably be open all weekend long, although even they have to sleep sometime! The pavilion will also be the site of some equipment demonstrations sponsored by Gonzo Guano Gear. Joe and Becky are even offering a chance for prizes if you participate in an NCRC equipment evaluation. We might even have a rebelay course there if I get a volunteer.

Don't forget your wallets! There will be several vendors at Convention, so this will be a great opportunity to replace old caving equipment, upgrade to better gear, and stock up on caving publications. GGG will be there with the usual ton or two of gear. The TSA Store will be there with patches, hats, T-shirts, decals, and back issues of The TEXAS CAVER. The TSS Store will be there with many publications on Texas caves, and I know that the TSS is reprinting the Field Guide to the caves of Blanco, Gillespie, and Llano Counties, which will be available that weekend. They are also running a one-weekend-only special for cavers on "The Caves and Karst of Texas", the highly acclaimed guidebook from the 1994 NSS

Convention. That weekend only it will be only $15 (that’s right, only $15!). Get a few copies for Christmas presents, and get yourself a second copy to stay on your shelf, while your first one goes in the field with you.

You are also likely to see AMCS publications and others. If you want to sell stuff at Convention, be sure to tell Jim Kennedy so he can reserve you a table.

We could still use some other volunteers. We need 3-4 more people to assist Christa McLeland at the registration table. Aimee Beveridge and Karren Perry have already volunteered, but they can't do it all herself.

We also need someone to be responsible for the facility setup in the morning, and the cleanup/banquet preparation/cleanup again in the evening. This could be the same person, or could be two or more people. You don't necessarily have to do the work yourself, just grab volunteers to get it done. This would be a great thing to take on as a grotto. I could also use someone to be the campground liaison. This person would help the vendors set up, make sure no one is camping in off-limits areas, and so on.

We could also use some people familiar with local caves to lead a couple of trips. I know the Monterrey cavers are bringing their gear and would like to see some local caves!

I am still coordinating the Saturday presentation schedule, so if you have a talk you would like to give, it's not too late! Call, email, or stop by with your topic and presentation needs (projector, etc.).

LAST CALL FOR PAPERS. If you, or any other cavers you know would like to present a short (20-minute) talk on recent cave trips, projects, cave science, or techniques, submit a short abstract to Jim Kennedy by the April 15. There are three or four spots yet to be filled. Alternately, we could accommodate one or two longer presentations of 30-45 minutes each. Call or email Jim ASAP. Talks can be accompanied by slides; a projector will be available.

We also want to have a higher-profile photo and map salon, so search through those drawers and cabinets and send your best work from the last year. Last year only about 12 maps were submitted. I know a lot more were produced. If you enter, you have a darn good chance of winning one of many fabulous prizes! We now have a couple of chairpeople for the salons. Andy Grubbs will be in charge of the map salon, so send your maps to him. (Check the TSA Member's Manual for addresses.) Susie Lasko is taking over the Print and Slide Salons. Send her your photos. The Salon Chairs appreciate

receiving entries BEFORE the actual Convention. We have some great prizes for the salons, but won't award prizes if we don't have enough entries in all the categories. Winners will likely be published in The TEXAS CAVER.

There will be a TSA meeting at 6 PM on Saturday, well before the 7 PM banquet. All are welcome. There will be a TSA Rescue Committee meeting Sunday morning at 9 am. Again, it is open to all interested cavers.

The rest of the program is not yet firm, but so far we have the following presentations scheduled:

SATURDAY MORNING WORKSHOP - "How Not to Become the Victim of a Cave Rescue" Walter Pickett introduces the cave environment, dangers, techniques, and equipment, and discusses how to prevent being injured while caving. 1.5 hours. Free.

SATURDAY SESSIONS - (final order not set)

"What's in a cave? Basic cave inventory for exploration, conservation, and science" by George Veni. Keeping track of what you find in caves can increase your chances of finding more caves and passages, plus lets you contribute to conservation and scientific efforts. This talk will cover basic aspects of cave inventory, with tips on how to gather and present inventory information with little extra effort from your normal caving activities.

"Guatemala Cave Archaeology" by Allan Cobb

"Northern Mexico Exploration" by Peter Sprouse

"Southern Mexico Caving" by Joe Ivy/Becky Jones

"TSA Government Canyon Project" by Marvin Miller

"Cave Diving in Texas" by Bill Tucker (tentative)

"The Laguna de Sanchez Project, Nuevo Leon" by Jim Kennedy

"TSA Colorado Bend State Park Project" by Terry Holsinger

"ITESM Cave Club, Monterrey, Mexico" by Fofo Gonzalez and Erick González Montell

BANQUET SPEAKER: Bob Richards (Houston) will wow us with the results of the latest speleological expeditions to Hawaii. For those of you who don't know, Bob won the Medal in the NSS Cartography Salon for the past two years, one for Kazamura Cave, the deepest in the U. S.! The Banquet presentation will be around 8 or 8:30.

And what, you may ask, is for dinner? The banquet will be catered by the famous Pecan Street Bakery and Cafe in Blanco. All food is homemade and delicious. The menu includes both Vegetarian and Smoked Chicken Lasagna, Fresh Tossed Green Salad, Assorted Homemade Breads, Iced Tea and Herbal Iced Tea, with Fresh Fruit Pies and other Sweets for dessert. I'm salivating already!

We need good attendance at this meeting, so plan on coming and bringing your friends. The weather should be great, the facility is wonderful, the program should be exciting, and you can even go caving if you want! Let's make this the biggest Convention ever!

--Jim "Crash" Kennedy email: jkennedy@batcon.org
   TSA Vice Chair in Charge of Conventions and other Spectacular Events
   512-443-8198 (home) 512-327-9721 (work)
   My address is 3017-B Burleson Road, Austin, TX 78741-7218.

March Colorado Bend SP Trip Reports

CBSP March 13^th-15^th 1998.

Submitted by: Mark Alman - DFW Grotto and TSA

Personnel: Butch Fralia, Keith, Chris, and Ben Heuss, Alex and Mark Alman, Roseanne (unsure of last name), and Bear the Wonder Dog.

My son, Alex, and I arrived to a surprisingly quiet and sparsely populated cavers' camp Friday night. A couple of folks from the Sandia Grotto were already there, but that was all.

(Brad, Sarah, Chris, Ben, and Roseanne at the bottom of Spaceheater Cave. Photo by Mark Alman.)

(Roger Ginnett at the gate in the bowels of Gorman Cave. Photo by Mark Alman.)

We found a place to park the truck and thought we would check out Lemon Ranch Cave before it got too dark. We located the cave (although we were unable to locate it Sunday! Some rascal must have moved it. It couldn't be my lousy sense of direction!). We didn't go in as we had no vertical gear and thought we should have another adult along with us, just in case. Sat around the fire for a while and then turned in when the light rain began around 10:30 PM.

Awoke Sat. AM to a cloudy day and got breakfast completed. Chris Heuss asked if we would like to accompany them on obtaining some GPS coordinates over in Gorman Falls Pasture (correct name?) We said "coitenly!". My son was under the impression that he would get to poke around in a lot of caves that day. Little did he know!

Traveled with the above gang to our predetermined destination about 10 AM. Visited several varying types of holes in the ground while Butch and Ben documented their locations. Alex and I were the main "hole checkers", but most were fairly deep fissures that appeared to lead nowhere and no one seemed interested in checking out.

Finished up the cataloging at about 2 PM and came back to camp for lunch.

Headed out to Lively Pasture to visit Space Heater Cave. Sara, Roger Ginnett, and Brad McClain accompanied us to the cave and Brad, Sara, Ben, Chris, and Ben rappelled to the bottom and got a good chance to see how well Jumar ascenders work in the rain (very well!). See cover!

Alex returned to the truck after we discovered that there were no horiz. caves for him to check out. He has done vertical caves before, but wasn't interested today.

Headed back to camp at about 5:30 after the rain picked up. Roger, Brad, Tony Sultana, Alex and I decided to head to Gorman Cave at about 8:30 PM. We used the trail that the Ranger uses on the cave tours, but lost the trail once we reached the river bluff. With the darkness, moisture, and no map, we decided to head back to camp rather than risk injury trying to find the cave.

The same gang did finally make it to Gorman Sunday AM. Ran into Ed and a group of A & M students in the cave (we thought there would be no tours due to the lousy weather). Came in via the creek entrance and exited via the second hillside entrance. More water present than the last time we visited (Nov.) but a good (but damp) time was had by all. Found the cave this time using Terry's route from the campsite. I will use this route in the future, as it is easier to locate and follow, although longer than other routes. This route is still more favorable than the Gold Mine Route (too hard on trucks and trail is made as you go!) and the Ranger route, see above for problems.

Finally headed back to Mesquite at about 1:30 PM in varying amounts of rain all the way back.

CBSP Horseshoe Crevice, March 13-15th.

Submitted by: Tony Sultana - DFW Grotto.

Group Participants: Tony Sultana, Darren, Bruce, Paul, and One other person.

Our group, comprising of Bruce, Darren, Paul, myself, and one other person (I forget his name), set out to Horseshoe Crevice with the main objective of pushing a passage to connect to Gorman’s Crevice. Searching and finding the entrance after thirty minutes, we then started gearing up for the vertical entrance. Having limited vertical gear, we rotated three sets with the five of us to enter the crevice.

Once inside the crevice, the main passage began being pushed by just two of our party, Bruce and the unnamed person. The size of the main passage

permitted only one or two cavers to easily dig the passage further. While this was occurring, the rest of the party took the opportunity to explore and map two holes in the floor of the crevice itself. Feeling warm air issue from both holes gave us high hopes of a connecting passage to another cave.

Peering into the holes, Darren and I quickly realized a complex of passages began and spread north and west out of the crevice. Both entrances

required a few minutes of digging to permit easy access but we soon found out they linked together in a large loop. Discovering four passages that connected to the loop, the south one was quickly ruled out for the time being since it appeared closed off and would require a dig. The newbie Paul then got an opportunity to go underground and take my place assisting Darren while I returned to the crevice floor to map and take temperature and compass readings.

The northeast passage continued about ten feet before becoming submerged in water and mud. The remaining two passages held the most promise for a continuing passage. The north passage goes about ten feet and then turns abruptly east, possibly connecting to the northeast passage. The west passage, blocked by debris, continued over fifteen feet before turning southwest. All four passages hold promise for connecting passage although they all will require a bit of digging.

Noticing the extreme temperature differences, we took temperature readings of the rock at the entrance to the holes (60 degrees F), the air inside the

crevice (62 deg F), and the warm air coming from the holes (68 deg F). While the warm air may be due to heat coming off of water from the recent rains, hopefully it is an indication of another entrance nearby where the surface air temperature is 68 deg F.

Upon completion, about 4.5 hours later, the main passage was dug a few more feet before ending with a passage blocked by rock, the holes in the crevice floor were given a preliminary examination, and a fissure was explored at

the west side of the crevice. Future trips will permit side passages to the main passage, and the four passages beneath the crevice floor to be explored.

Letters to Dear Dr. Slimerock…

Submitted by Paul J Steward via "Cavers’ Digest".

We are pleased to welcome back this month Dr. Slimerock to the pages of The OZTOTL Caver! We hope this column will be useful and informative to all those with questions about caves, cavers and caving. Dr. Slimerock is a certified cavetologist. The Dr. thanks all for their questions and support. Send all questions C/O this sender.

Dear Dr. Slimerock,

My co-workers tell me that I can't tell the difference between my butt
and a hole in the ground. I want to try to learn. Do you think it would
help if I went caving? Should I also bring a mirror, and do a side-by-side comparison?

Confused in Cranbury Dear Confused,

Before I was a certified Cavetologist I was a Proctologist, and was constantly being told this by my patients. Caving would certainly help in understanding the difference between the two. Both can be deadly places these days. Leave the mirror at home.

Dear Dr. Slimerock,

I like caving, but hate those boring outfits. They're all baggy and in dull earth tones. Do you know where I can get a spandex jumpsuit (maybe like Arnold Schwarzenegger wore in 'Running Man')?

Fashionably Challenged in Freehold

Dear Challenged,

There is a company called ‘Suit Yourself’ that can make special order caving suits. You can call them at 1-800-you-loser. You also may want to contact the above person, Confused in Cranbury. He may want one too.

Dear Dr. Slimerock,

My name is Robert Levins. I am a lawyer. My client recently jumped off the Empire State building in New York after advice from you in a recent column. He did live, but due to his injuries, both legs had to be amputated. You are being sued for 50 million dollars. Do you have anything to say about this?

Dear Mr. Levins,

Before everybody gets to carried away, let me take you on a caving trip so you can understand all there is to know about caving. It will be a short three hour tour of a local cave. Also, please tell your client that if he puts a bell on his head he would make a great buoy.

Dear Dr. Slimerock,

I have a problem of staying on the road while driving because I am too busy looking for caves. My wife and children are scared to drive with me anymore. Is there any suggestions or techniques that will help my addiction of looking for karst? Help!

Dear In need of help,

I am always asked this question. Do not fear. It is not a problem you have, but one your wife and children have. It is called Karsti-vehicular-syndrome. It is the fear they have of you finding a cave while driving, and the cave taking you away from them. I do hold classes to deal with this problem. They run all summer long on Sat. and Sun.. That should give you plenty of time to drive around, ALONE, looking for caves.

Dear Dr. Slimerock,

What significance did the comet Hale-Bopp have for the future of caving
activities? Was it a good omen or.............

I can’t believe one of you are still alive. Didn’t you drink the punch?
The aliens will be here quickly! You don’t have much time!

Dear Dr. Slimerock,

What is the meaning of life and death?

It’s in the dictionary. Read it for yourself.

Dear Dr. Slimerock,

Why, when crawling, are the sharp pointy rocks always located wherever
you place your knees?

Bloody knees

WHAT, a caver who still has their knees? What is your secret for keeping

your knees?

Dear Dr. Slimerock,

I have only made it to a grotto meeting on time once or twice in the past
five years. Why did man invent the bar and make it so much fun?

Happy Caver

Dear Happy,

Bars were invented to keep people, like you, off the road and tucked away from the general public. Have you tried boiled hotdog water and vodka yet?

Tune in next month when the Dr. answers that age-old question: Are

there any caves in heaven or are they all in hell?

Grotto Dues are Due NOW!! Only $10.

"The Brown Belly Blues" was written by Nancy Weaver with inspiration and contributions by Mark Minton. It is sung to the tune of Brown's Ferry Blues. Enjoy, and suggest additional lyrics if you like.

Well I don't smoke and I don't chew

And I don't cave with a fool that do