If you say "Wahooo!" you're a kayaker.
If you say "Shhhh," you're a canoeist.

If you have more money invested in topo maps than tapes & CD's, you're a canoeist.
If you have more money invested in  tapes & CD's than topo maps, you're a kayaker.

If the tapes and CD's in your car are Led Zeppelin, Korn & Van Halin, you're a kayaker.
If the tapes and CD's in your car are Bob Marley, Muddy Waters & some obscure local band, you're a canoeist.

If you have more money invested in your car than your roof rack, you're a kayaker.
If you don't give a damn about the roof rack because a some rope and a couple PFD's is good enough in a pinch, you're a canoeist.

If you have to go back to the car to get a beer, you're a kayaker.
If you can get a beer just by leaning forward a little bit, you're a canoeist.

If someone says "Look at the loon" and you expect to see a bird, you're a canoeist.
If someone says "Look at the loon" and you expect to see someone going backwards thru Class V, you're a kayaker.

If you say "C'mon boy" to your dog, you're a canoeist.
If you say "Stay" to your dog, you're a kayaker.

If you've paddled one mile upstream, you're a canoeist.
If you've never paddled one mile upstream, you're a kayaker.

If someone has to watch you when you're on the river, you're a kayaker.
If you wonder if anybody will ever find your body, you're a canoeist.

If your boat is made of plastic, but you wish it was wood, you're a canoeist.
If your boat can only be made from plastic, you're a kayaker.

If you look at a flooded parking lot and wonder if it's deep enough to paddle, you're a canoeist.
If you look at flooded roadside gutter and wonder if it's deep enough to paddle, you're a kayaker.

If you can carry firewood, you're a canoeist.
If you never carry firewood, you're a kayaker.

If your butt is dry, you're a canoeist.
If your butt is wet, you're a kayaker.