JOKES AND HUMOR... IN MY EYES THAT IS

SOME OF THESE JOKES WERE FOUND ON THE NET, SOME ARE MY OWN, AND SOME COME FROM JIMMY HOUSTON'S BOOK "CAUGHT ME A BIG' UN...THEN I LET HIM GO"

WHEN DO FISH HAVE THEIR GREATEST RATE OF GROWTH?... BETWEEN THE TIME YOU CATCH 'EM ON SATURDAY AFTERNOON AND THE TIME YOU TELL ABOUT 'EM AT THE OFFICE ON MONDAY MORNING.

I NEVER SEE MY PASTOR'S EYES,

HE HIDES THEIR LIGHT DEVINE.

FOR WHEN HE PRAYS HE CLOSES HIS,

AND WHEN HE PREACHES, MINE.

ALWAYS KEEP A LITTER BAG IN YOUR TRUCK...WHEN IT GETS FULL YOU JUST THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW.

A TEXAS FARMER WAS TOURING ENGLAND. HE HAPPENED TO MEET AN ENGLISH FARMER AND ASKED HIM, "WHAT SIZE FARM DO YOU HAVE?"

THE ENGLISHMAN PROUDLY ANNOUNCED, "THIRTY-FIVE ACRES!"

"THIRTY-FIVE ACRES?" THE TEXAN SCOFFED. "WHY, I CAN GET IN MY TRUCK AT 8:00 AM AND START DRIVING AND AT NOON, I AM STILL ON MY FARM. I CAN EAT LUNCH AND START DRIVING AGAIN AND AT 5:00 PM I AM STILL ON MY FARM."

"AH, YES," THE ENGLISHMAN NODDED IN UNDERSTANDING. "I HAD A TRUCK LIKE THAT ONCE."

 TWO MEN WERE TALKING AT WORK ON MONDAY MORNING. "WHAT DID YOU DO THIS WEEKEND" SAID ONE MAN? THE OTHER RESPONDED "DROPPED HOOKS INTO THE WATER ALL DAY." "FISHING THE OTHER MAN ASKED?" "NO WE WERE GOLFING."