The beautiful little planet of Naboo grew in front of them until its visage filled the cockpit window. There was little in the way of populated cities and plenty in the way of vast greenery. The landscape of Naboo was supposed to be one of the most lovely in the known galaxy. These ponies respected the life of their ancient planet and did little if anything to mar its face. Pony-made structures were built to enhance the landscape, not detract from it. It was the perfect spot for a vacation! Peace and quiet were two creatures Evil Dead Pony and her gang of ponies and questionably pony-esque things hadn't seen in a while. A long while. A freakin long while! It was certainly time for a little R&R on the wilderness planet, and EDP was ready to pitch a tent and go hunting for Gungans. She hadn't heard much about the race of aquatic creatures, but figured they'd be rather tasty.
Jarod concentrated on landing his ship Diomedes, and EDP allowed herself a look in his direction. The white pony's green eyes shifted across the control console and his fingers danced lightly over buttons and knobs that had no meaning to the demon pony. She liked to watch his hands.
"What are we doing here?" the pilot grumbled, letting his eyes find EDP.
The girl shrugged. "Vacation."
He didn't look convinced. "What are we really doing here? Every time you plan a vacation, I end up smelling like a barnyard animal."
"You really need to take showers," EDP told him. He glared at her, not appreciating the obvious. She shrugged again and glanced through the window, gazing out as the blurs of greens and blues began to take definition. Ah, there was a lake. And there, a sprawling river! "What, you think demons don't take vacations?"
"Your work is never complete," Jarod grumbled sarcastically, searching the sprawling land for a safe place for two ships to land. He hailed the palace of Theed to gain permission to enter the planet's atmosphere. He and Duke were granted that desire, and few questions were asked once the palace soldiers heard that Jedi were on board. No one said a word about demons. Or mercenaries. Or thieves and cutthroats, but what the hell, Jarod thought. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them for a while, at least.
The Diomedes set down gently on Theed soil, and as soon as Jarod lowered the hatch, G-Bread zipped through and out of the ship like a bolt of lightning, launching herself into the arms of the handsome, currently sober Beldandis. The blond young man accepted her into his grip happily, and it was something that amazed both Jarod and the cutthroat Duke. Neither of them could claim to understand how those two ever fell in love like that. EDP grinned at her padawan's weakness and wandered through the ship to find her backpack. She was filling it with her back to Jarod, and he didn't bother trying to look over her shoulder. He had carried that backpack once already and it was as much a mystery to him as the drunken love story in the grass outside. It was better for his mental health if he ignored them both and went about his business as usual.
Except, there was no business as usual. Not after that demon girl came into his life! His existence deviated far from that line on that very day she accosted him in the desert casino of Tatooine.
Typo Demon pounced past the door behind his back, and he spun around to watch her roll down the hatch into the grass. He sighed, and Wildshadow passed him by a bit more calmly. Wildshadow looked absolutely indifferent to be there, and Jarod narrowed his eyes at her as she skulked past. "Edy," the young man said quietly. "This is not going to be a fun vacation."
"Sure it is, baby," EDP cooed, and dropped a can of Mountain Dew into his hands as she strolled past him, her backpack slung over one shoulder. He followed her out.
The landscape of Naboo was magnificent. It was quiet, unlike the busy forests of Endor, and it was a relief in and of itself just knowing that no furry teddy bears with sharp sticks would suddenly appear indiscriminately out of the foliage. Duke shot a low look across the grass at the demon girl who led them there, and approached her, his red coat dancing around his feet as he walked. He took the lady aside and very quietly told her to get lost, and to take all the rest of the idiots with her. He planned on spending time in the city Theed alone, finishing a little business begun years ago, and beginning business that would launch him into the future. He promised he would wait for them to return from wherever it was they planned to go. Duke didn't have any intention of leaving Beldandis behind. EDP cast a glance at the young engineer strangely, wondering what would happen at the end of their road. Before Duke left their company, the demon dug a Mountain Dew out of her bag and presented it to him ceremoniously. He took it, looking as if he had no idea what to do with it, and walked away towards the city of Theed.
EDP took Jarod's hand and led him away from the safety of the Diomedes, and he did a marvelous job of containing his growing sense of panic and irritation. Typo took off running across the field of high grass and they eventually lost site of her, but followed the trail she left. Wildshadow sulked behind EDP and Jarod, and G-Bread and Beldandis held hands, bringing up the rear of the group and whispering sweet nothings to each other that the rest of them were glad they couldn't hear.
"Where are we going to sleep?" Jarod asked pointedly, seeing that they had no tents for shelter, and were headed out into sparsely populated terrain.
"Under the stars, of course!" EDP grinned, with a sweeping gesture across the vast blue of sky.
"What are we going to eat?" Jarod growled, glancing around skeptically. "You better have something good in that backpack."
"I have Mountain Dew," she said. "That's good."
"We can't survive off Mountain Dew, Edy."
"Sure we can."
Jarod growled and stepped over a large pile of dung. It smelled none too friendly, and the pilot glanced back to see if the two love birds would somehow manage to avoid plunging into it.
"Why eat what we bring if we can eat what we find?" EDP said reasonably, and pointed out a mass in the distant grass.
"What the hell is that?" Jarod squinted at the gently pulsating bundle.
"Food," EDP grinned. "Quit being a baby and try to enjoy yourself. It's nice and quiet and there isn't a Gorax in sight. That should make you happy."
"You know what would make me happy, Edy?" Jarod said.
"Yes," she grinned, and didn't continue.
He grimaced, knowing exactly what she was thinking, and redirected the subject. "Flying on my ship making money. That would make me happy."
EDP shrugged. "No it wouldn't," she smiled, and eased a sly, sidelong look up into his green eyes. "I know what'll make you happy."
Jarod began to look uncomfortable.
"What about Corwin?" Wildshadow snapped from behind them, and Jarod watched EDP's face change. The demon glanced back at the alicorn and smiled oddly.
"What about him, WS?"
"You don't even care that he's in trouble."
EDP's expression changed again, and Jarod frowned. "What do you mean, he's in trouble?" Jarod asked.
"It doesn't matter," EDP turned around and faced straight again. "We're on vacation."
"Of course," Wildshadow muttered, folding her arms across her stomach and glaring at the back of the Jedi Master's head.
They strolled through the sweeping plains of swaying grasslands and when night fell, millions of stars exploded out across the dark satin of the sky. A low moon grinned lazily at them, and the ladies relaxed in a circle of beaten down grass while Bel and Jarod went hunting. Hunting was a manly sort of pastime, EDP had told them, so it was only fitting that the men should run off into the dark while the women lounged around the blazing fire. That was fine with Jarod, as long as the women did their part to cure and cook the damn thing when they got back. EDP grinned at him.
"How did you do it?" Jarod wondered, cradling his gun in his lap as he crouched by the trunk of a lone tree in the grasslands. Bel turned his attention away from his infrared goggles. "How the hell did you get married?"
"I was drunk," Bel shrugged, laughing, and turning to scan the landscape again.
"Exactly," Jarod growled. "You don't even know this girl!"
"Sure I do," Bel said. "I've slept with her several times already."
Jarod punched him in the arm.
"Kidding!" Bel laughed. "Jarod. Look at her! She's fantastic. She's beautiful. She's got this great sense of humor and she's lots of fun. She risked her ass to save me when the Gorax was going to make Beldandis stew and I respect her a lot for that."
Jarod didn't look convinced. "You hardly know her," he insisted.
Bel shrugged again. "Maybe not, Jarod. But sometimes things are right, without having to waste a lot of time."
Jarod looked frustrated, but he bit his lip and didn't say anything.
"Oh look, there we go." Bel passed the night-vision goggles to the mercenary, and Jarod peered through them to see a herd of some sort of animal huddled in a mass in the grass. "Think they're edible?" Bel wondered, grabbing the rifle slung across his back.
"They will be when we eat them," Jarod growled, starving. This wasn't his ideal vacation. Anything edible should be bought at a food market, not primitively speared in the middle of the night! He and Bel ran at a light pace, keeping low to the ground and moving quietly. They came close enough to the herd to see what the creatures looked like. "Shaak!" Jarod whispered, looking pleased for once. The four-legged animals had round, bulbous backsides and small heads, with downward sloping snouts, and there were at least a hundred of them nestled together in a tight package, sleeping soundly under the pretty stars.
"Gee I feel so bad just killing one," Bel frowned. "They're so cute!"
"Close your eyes," Jarod said, and held his hand in front of the young man's face before discharging two shots into the night. The herd was alarmed and the two men dropped back as the Shaak rose in a panic and began a stampede.
"Ohhh, Jarod, you did it now!" Bel cried, looking ready to wet himself.
"Knock it off and be still," Jarod warned him. "They'll go the other way." They watched quietly and Bel relaxed, seeing that the mercenary was right. The whole herd moved like a giant wave, crashing through the tall grass and disappearing into the night. Two of the creatures were left behind, shot cleanly through the head, and Jarod walked out to pick them up by their hind legs. He turned to Bel to display them and grinned. "Now Edy's got some work to do."
Bel grinned back, and his tummy rumbled angrily at him, wondering why it hadn't been fed yet. Bel patted it soothingly, and glanced up in time to see a shooting star zip across the night sky. "Look!" he said, pointing, and Jarod turned to see what he was seeing. "Make a wish!"
Jarod frowned. "That's no shooting star." His eyes followed the trail of flame as it descended from the heavens, and as it made a very deliberate turn in the far horizon. The fire shot across the grasslands in their direction, and the young men watched as the ship raced over their heads at two hundred feet. Jarod dropped their dinner and clapped his hands over his ears as the sound of the engines caught up with them. They lifted their heads and the ship dropped out of sight. They still heard the roar of the engines ringing in their ears.
"What the hell was that?" Bel shouted.
Jarod shook his head, grabbing his dinner and starting back towards camp. "Who cares? I'm starving."
The ship roared overhead seconds before the women at the campfire even knew it was coming, and the wind it created snuffed out their campfire like a candle and swirled a stinging whirlwind of dust around them. The four of them were all magic creatures and were able to throw shields out to protect themselves once they pulled their heads out of the dirt. When the wind died down, Evil Dead Pony dropped her shield and walked off in the direction the ship had disappeared.
"Hold on, Eeed!" G-Bread cried, leaping to her feet to follow after her Jedi Master. Typo and Wildshadow ran to catch up with them.
"What the hell was that?" G-Bread shouted, her ears ringing. "What kind of ship was that?"
"Well it wasn't the ice-cream truck, that's for sure," EDP replied mildly, trekking through the high grass and listening into the quiet, which seemed suddenly quieter than it had before. "I just hope it's not some loser following us to put us to work. This is my vacation, dammit, and I'm taking it!"
"What do we do if it is one of the Jedi Council?" G-Bread wondered.
"We can eat them!" Typo said matter-of-factly. "I'm starved!"
"That's nasty," G-Bread grimaced.
"No, have you ever eaten a Jedi Council Member?" Typo asked her. "They're quite tender."
EDP grinned.
"Oh come on, is she serious?" G-Bread wailed, trying to put plenty of distance in between herself and the red demon.
"Well they're better with ketchup," EDP said.
"And an ice cold can of Mountain Dew!" Typo added enthusiastically, rubbing her growling belly.
"And a side order of chocolate pudding," EDP agreed, wrapping an arm around Typo. "Mmmmmm!" they said together, rubbing their bellies.
Wildshadow glared at them, not thinking it very amusing, and kept walking.
EDP turned her head to watch her first padawan, then glanced at Typo and shrugged. The demon Jedi followed after her original apprentice and fell into stride beside her, evaluating her mood. There was something that had been boiling beneath that alicorn's skin for a while now, and that was not a good ingredient to throw into the mix of a good vacation. EDP remembered having to open demonic portals of travel to escape that girl's dark side, and didn't want to have to do that again. EDP wanted to make sure that Wildshadow had her psychotic urges properly fettered. "Come on, Paddy-wan, cheer down! Your enthusiasm is going to make my heart explode."
Wildshadow grumbled something unflattering under her breath, then growled: "Don't call me Paddy-wan."
"Of course, Paddy-wan," EDP grinned. "What's up? You've been nothing but a grump since we landed."
Wildshadow folded her arms tighter around her stomach and snorted, avoiding eye contact with her Jedi Master.
"You're not still mad we left Shadowstorm at that late-night diner, are you? I'm sure he caught a transport back to the Jedi Academy--"
"Shhhh!" G-Bread put a finger up to her lips to silence the chattering demon. The girl was crouched down behind a tuft of grass and was peering through it. EDP knelt down beside her and let one hand move the part in the grass back wider.
"There we are," EDP murmured. The ship was bigger than the Diomedes, almost massive, looking more like a transport vessel than a fighter. It sat nestled against a few trees that had cracked in half under its pressure, and there was a burning track of grass where the ship had slid along the plain. The vessel appeared to have sustained a bit of damage.
"I wonder if they're dead," Typo whispered, peering over EDP's shoulder.
"I wonder if there's anything to loot," EDP said, and G-Bread glared at her. EDP glanced at her padawan and shrugged. "It would be a shame to let good material go to waste."
"Right. Let's see if they need help," G-Bread suggested instead.
The four of them crept up to the ship, laying at a crippled angle in the grass. There didn't seem to be any easy way to get inside, or any way for whatever was inside to get out. EDP fired up one end of her lightsaber and cut a doorway out of the metal hull of the ship. She kicked the metal panel through and stepped inside.
Shorts in the electrical wiring made sparks pop above their heads, and the hallway they entered was lit with eerie red emergency light.
"The cockpit would be this way," G-Bread pointed left down the hall.
EDP nodded. "That means the cargo bay would be that way," she said, pointing in the opposite direction. G-Bread and Wildshadow both gave her absolutely the same look, so she shrugged and humored them. Once they satisfied their silly notion to look for survivors, there would be plenty of time for salvaging.
Typo sniffed the air curiously as they ducked and dodged mangled metal and severed, live wires. EDP watched her trainee smelling the breeze like a beagle and wondered what on earth she was doing. "Smell any burnt pony flesh?" EDP asked, and she heard G-Bread groan her disapproval somewhere up ahead of her.
Typo shook black hair out of her eyes and sniffed again. "I dunno what it is, Boss," the demon shrugged. "Smells weird."
"It's just the electricity smell," Wildshadow grumbled, folding her wings up tight to keep them from getting the snot shocked out of them. "It doesn't smell good."
"Nah I know that smell," Typo insisted. "Smells alive!"
EDP grimaced and rolled her eyes. Survivors!
"But it don't smell pony."
EDP looked at her curiously. "Some kind of alien species? Jawa? Jabba the Hut? Big smelly wookie? No, wait, we left Jarod out in the field ."
Typo giggled, and shook her head. "I dunno what it is."
EDP shrugged. "I guess we have to find it to find out. Lead the way with your dog-like nose, Typo-Demon."
"You likening me to a dog?" Typo snarled, sniffing and heading off in a different direction. The rest of them followed.
"I guess that'd make you a bitch, wouldn't it?" EDP grinned.
Typo grumbled something about those damn Apostles and their brilliant senses of humor and led the group of them farther back into the ship, back towards the cargo bay where Evil Dead Pony had first wanted to search. G-Bread was suspicious at best and figured that Typo was humoring her Master in a more clever manner. They were careful to cross the gangway that stretched high over the cargo bay, since it sat at an almost impossible angle. They gripped the railing tight and shuffled across, peering down at metal boxes full of all sorts of goodies. EDP hoped there would be weapons, and maybe some crates of good old fashion whiskey. Typo paused without warning, and G-Bread was too busy staring down at the cargo to notice before plowing straight into the little demon. Typo yelped and nearly toppled off.
"Sorry," G-Bread blushed.
"Down there," Typo said, leaning over the rail and pointing deep into the bay beneath them. The rest of them followed the gesture, letting their eyes search over the tumbled stacks of cargo.
"I don't see anything," Wildshadow growled. "We're wasting our time."
"No," EDP hushed them. "Listen."
They went silent and strained their ears instead of their eyes, and were surprised to hear tiny animal sounds from somewhere down below them. EDP climbed up on the rail and perched there, one hand clutching the top bar. She looked at her padawans and grinned before leaping off the side. She fell fifty feet and landed like a cat, crouching down to buffer the landing. She didn't change position, she remained motionless while she listened for the sound and searched for the smell that led them there. She turned her head and crawled to the edge of the giant metal crate she was on, and peered warily over the edge. The others watched her nervously.
The demon Jedi gave a short shriek and sat back against the crate. "Holy shit!"
