……Mercenary and engineer followed the weak trail as best they could, taking into account the assumed trajectory of the ship that had apparently buzzed the campfire. They found the twisted hunk of metal eventually, as it was kind of hard to miss, and trotted up to its torn and jagged hull.
…… "Whoa," Bel marveled at the damage. "I wonder if anything survived."
…… "I wonder if Edy's looting the place," Jarod grumbled, expecting little else, and as they examined the hull for a way to get inside they heard the plaintive wails of some pathetic creature and just about pissed themselves.
…… "This is a new pair of pants," Bel sniffed, tugging on them irritably. "I better not wet myself in them!"
…… "Oh hush," Jarod scolded, as he listened for and followed the sounds of copious weeping. They expected to find some woe begotten damsel in distress and were suitably startled at what they found.
……Bel grimaced at the sight of the weeping grey pony, who was on his knees and shaking locks of hair in his clenched fists. "Wow this guy seems a little close to the sensitive side, if you know what I mean," Bel whispered to Jarod.
……Jarod rolled his eyes and pretended he didn't. "Can we help you, sir?" Jarod called, approaching the grey pony carefully. "Is this your ship?"
……Insipidus glanced up at the interruption of his mourning process to see two deliciously handsome men asking to assist him. He mopped up his tears and tossed his silky hair aside, coming up with a very splendid lie. "Oh, woe is me!" he wailed, staggering to his feet and resting the back of his hand dramatically on his forehead. "I am but a humble merchant, running supplies to orphans in this peaceful nature planet when I was attacked by a ruthless female bounty hunter by the name of Muncherita Chi-Chicha! A noble band of Jedi ladies came to my aid, but the horrid Muncherita took them hostage."
……Bel's face twisted with alarm. "She's captured G-Bread?!" he cried, and grabbed Insipidus by the neck of his black robe. "Where is she?" he screamed at the man. "Where did she take G-Bread?"
……Jarod watched them strangely. "Why wouldn't Edy just knock the bitch out?" he wondered out loud.
……Insipidus tried to pry Bel's fingers off of his robe. "Muncherita is a formidable adversary," he said solemnly. "Even your Evil Dead Pony's Jedi powers aren't strong enough."
……Bel looked to be on the very tippy-tippy edge of Panic-Land. "What the Hell kind of freak is this Muncherita?"
…… "And why haven't I ever heard of her?" Jarod scowled, taking a step closer to the two of them.
……Insipidus blinked at Jarod, then let his hang-jaw expression meld nicely into a smile. "She's very clever. I don't suppose you've heard of her because she didn't want you to hear of her."
……Jarod frowned, and was about to mention how that sounded like a burning crock of shit to him when Beldandis squealed:
…… "Well which way did they GO?!?!" And he gave the grey pony a less than delicate shake.
……Insipidus pointed off in the direction all the silly girls had wandered away in, and Bel let him drop like a house of cards. The engineer stormed off in said direction, and Jarod decided he should follow, just because he knew that Beldandis was thinking more with one head than the other.
…… "Bel, wait," he sighed, running to catch up.
……Insipidus gathered his robe up in his fists and scrambled to his feet, chasing after the two young men. "I am sure," he shouted after them, "that I could be of some assistance!" He ran to join them and inserted himself between their shoulders, panting. He grinned and said: "Let my vast knowledge of the landscape aid you! I assure you I will be much the helpful guide."
…… "Yeah, I bet you would be," Jarod snarled, pushing the grey pony back out of his personal space without breaking stride. Insipidus stumbled and tripped, and was immediately on his feet again. He kept better distance. "Why are you so eager to help in the first place?" Jarod glared back over his shoulder.
……Insipidus blinked, then smiled, clasping his hands together sincerely. "Muncherita Chi-chicha has made targets of my philanthropic efforts in the past."
……Bel grabbed his own head and moaned, swaying on his feet as he walked. "Word too big!" he complained sarcastically.
……Jarod grinned and punched Bel in the shoulder.
……Insipidus frowned and rubbed his palms together nervously, re-convincing himself that these two were perfect for his dark plan. "Of course I am eager to stop her ruthless philandering of my efforts."
……Jarod groaned and didn't say anything.
…… "What's your name?" Bel wondered, glancing back at the short-haired pony. Insipidus looked surprised.
…… "Name?"
…… "Yeah you know," Jarod glared back at him. "Name? Word that people refer to you as? Besides, 'freak,' or 'weird jackass wearing a dress.'"
……Insipidus chuckled weakly, terribly annoyed, while the other two howled with laughter. "My name, of course. My name would be useful to know, wouldn't it?"
……Jarod glared back at the pony suspiciously.
…… "My name is Bob," Insipidus spluttered. Bel and Jarod glanced back over their shoulders with wide eyes.
…… "Bob?" they repeated.
…… "Man your mother must've hated you," Bel giggled.
…… "My relationship with my mother is insignificant!" Insipidus reminded. "I believe we have something far more pressing to concern ourselves with." His tone was just ominous enough to unlighten the mood, and Bel returned to storming across the field.
……EDP blasted the top layer of dirt off the shallow double grave to find two strange-looking indigenous creatures instead of Beldandis and Jarod, which won a few sighs of relief. EDP took a look at the shaak, squealing and pointing. "Holy Hell! It has the biggest ass I've ever seen!"
……The others peered at the animals and in fact, they did have mightily rotund bottom ends. "That must be our dinner," G-Bread sighed.
…… "They don't look edible," Wildshadow complained as Typo poked one of the dead creatures in the butt. Howie waddled up and took a whiff.
……Munchy pointed at Wildshadow threateningly. "You're not allowed to talk anymore."
…… "Really?" EDP glanced over. "Why not?"
…… "Every word out of her mouth is stupid," Munchy growled, and walked close to stand over the four-legged beasts. "Those are Shaak. They travel in herds, eat grass, taste all right and it doesn't take much to prepare them. Cut them up, shove a stick through the pieces of meat and roast it like a marshmallow."
……G-Bread looked at Munchy reverently. "Wow," she cooed. "You're useful!"
…… "Take lessons," Munchy grumbled, folding her arms across her chest.
……EDP peered through the tall grass and yawned. "Now where did those two boys go?" she said, wondering if they were out pissing in the grass.
…… "Who cares?" Typo sniggered, slipping a large Bowie knife out of a hidden boot sheath and beginning to carve up one of the shaak. "I'm starving. Let's eat!"
…… "I'm sure they'll show up once they smell food," G-Bread agreed, and settled down to help Typo prepare their feast. EDP opened her lightsaber and in seconds both of the shaak were skinned, chopped into easily consumable pieces and half cooked already. Typo and G-Bread glared up at her unappreciatively. Everyone grabbed themselves long slender bones and made shaak kabobs, and they sat around their new fire and roasted their hunks of meat.
…… "Delicious!" G-Bread gushed.
…… "Fantastic," Wildshadow marveled.
…… "Not bad," EDP shrugged, and they all glared at her. She shrugged again, and fixed herself another meaty kabob. "Could use some adobo and frijoles."
……There was a collective moan around the campfire. The ladies gnawed on meaty morsels and downed Mountain Dew until they were fairly content, and Howie found EDP's backpack and busied himself by nuzzling through it. His entire head was buried inside the leather sack and every now and then they heard a muffled squeal coming from that general direction. EDP and Typo tugged on opposite sides of the wishbone and the senior demon picked her teeth with the long end while Typo pouted sorely at her little biddy half. EDP yawned, sniffed, stretched and looked around with a slight frown wrinkling her smooth brow.
…… "Still no sign of our man-creatures," the demon pony pointed out. "It shouldn't take them this long to pee on weeds."
…… "Maybe they weren't peeing," Typo said reasonably.
…… "It doesn't take that long to do anything guys do in the bathroom," EDP said. "Trust me."
…… "Maybe they found a herd of wild half-naked women who kidnapped them and are forcing them to repopulate the entire tribe!"
……EDP glared at Typo.
…… "What?" Typo shrugged. "It could happen."
…… "Do you think something's wrong, Eeed?" G-bread asked nervously, and her food began to somewhat unsettle itself. "Do you think they're in trouble?"
…… "Nah." EDP didn't even consider it. She leaned back on her elbows and crossed her legs, watching Howie's tail as the little whale wiggled through her backpack. "You can't get in trouble here."
……Wildshadow pointed at Munchy, glaring disapprovingly at her demon master. "She got into trouble."
…… "I told you not to talk anymore," Munchy growled at Wildshadow.
…… "Wildshadow is right, EDP," G-bread insisted. She pulled herself to her knees and gave the demon an absolutely nauseating, puppy-eyed look. "With Darth Insipidus here on Naboo, we're all in danger!"
……EDP giggled at the mention of the Dark Jedi. "Come on. What could he possibly do? He's a fruitcake!"
…… "Fruitcakes are often deadly," Typo reminded, her eyes wide as she recollected her favorite holiday treat. "And look what he did to Munchy's ship!"
…… "Yeah," Munchy growled, looking irked.
……EDP considered those points.
…… "They probably went to look for us," Wildshadow said. "They probably figured we couldn't take care of ourselves."
…… "Wow, they must be smarter than you are," Munchy smirked, shooting a glance at the gloomy Wildshadow. Then she reminded: "Stop talking."
……Wildshadow looked pretty close to spontaneously combusting.
…… "I think we all need to get some sleep first," EDP said reasonably, "before we go chasing after our man-creatures in the moonlight. Besides, imagine how embarrassed they'd be to get rescued by women."
……They considered that point and had to agree as they muttered to themselves around the fire. They settled down to get some rest before dawn reared its head, snuggling into the rich green grass. Typo circled three times and sniffed the grass, then curled up in it and promptly began to snore. They wished they had a pillow to flatten over her head until EDP shimmied her backpack out from under the little killer whalem and produced a handful of earplugs for those of them unfortunate enough to have ears. Earplugs were greatly appreciated and EDP watched them fall asleep one by one as she kept vigil over the dying fire. Wildshadow folded her large black wings over her body, concealing most of it. G-Bread tossed fitfully in the grass, and Munchy lay on one side with her arm draped over the little black Howie creature. Howie snuggled up against the yellow pony and slept peacefully by her side, and EDP couldn't help feeling as though she had known them both before. It was a very hollow feeling that she had, because through her existence as a demon, she didn't know those creatures. She didn't think she had met them since her mortal death. What did that mean? Did she know them when she was still alive?
……The green, rolling landscape of Naboo was slowly blanketed in a veil of mist as the morning sun began to burn away the moisture of the fields. The sleeping ponies and little whalem woke to the scent of leftover shaak fried in its own fat, chopped small and stirred into a mix of scrambled eggs, rice, and gandeles. It didn't sound good, but it smelled good, and EDP shook some adobo into the mix as Howie waddled up beside her. The little whalem looked up at the demon pony with its giant gumdrop eyes, and EDP couldn't resist scratching behind its dorsal fin and sneaking it a bit of juicy shaak meat. She won Howie's immediate favor and he sat in her lap until breakfast was over. Munchy glanced at EDP suspiciously but didn't comment. The yellow pony picked the small beans out of her meal and refused to eat them. Typo didn't hesitate to eat them for her, and Munchy didn't hesitate to smack the little demon upside the head for reaching onto her plate.
…… "Jarod and Bel aren't back yet," G-Bread said pointedly, having mastered the gift of the obvious.
…… "Don't worry, Munchy can fly the ship," EDP grinned, and ducked a spoonful of spicy breakfast. Typo immediately pounced behind EDP's back to lap it up. "Will you stop? You can have more," EDP sighed.
…… "You shouldn't waste food," Typo said matter-of-factly. "There's starving demons in Hell!"
…… "No there's not," EDP said.
……Typo sniffed. "There's starving demons somewhere," she insisted.
…… "Well let them eat the crap that fell on the ground," EDP snorted.
…… Typo picked up each individual grain of rice and swallowed them, until the senior demon snapped her crimson tail out like a whip and popped Typo in the ass. Typo squealed and leapt away in a hurry.
……G-Bread was on her feet, wearing her contentious face. "I say we've waited long enough for them. They could be in real danger!"
…… "They could have been captured by Darth Insipidus," Wildshadow agreed, and snarled back at the snarl she received from Munchy.
…… "Howie!" Howie insisted.
……EDP considered the point that Howie was making. "Oh, all right," she consented with a sigh, and all the heavy looks of doom and gloom and generalized despondency were lifted a little off her padawans' shoulders. "We'll go back to the Diomedes," the demon said, picking herself up out of the grass and lazily shaking her tail out. She snatched her backpack off the ground before Typo could reach it and slung it over one shoulder. "They probably spent the night there, considering how delicate those boys are." She snorted sarcastically and made her way back in the direction of the city of Theed, as the rest followed and as G-Bread hurried to kick dirt over the fire.
