20) Worf signs his son Alexander up for ballet lessons.

19) Data swears.

18) Guinan removes her hat, revealing that she is a Saturday Night Live style Conehead.

17) Picard beams down.

16) All of Geordi's lines are in words of two syllables or less, with no pseudo-scientific doubletalk.

15) Troi runs amok with a machete.

14) Barclay is really the Captain; Picard is just an ensign, and all of his "command" has been a holodeck simulation.

13) No guest stars are relatives of Tasha Yar.

12) Geordi gets a woman.

11) Riker doesn't get a woman.

10) Data states that he cannot use contractions after using one in the previous scene, and the fabric of the universe, unable to withstand the continuity error, is rent asunder.

9) Picard wakes up muttering "there's no place like home."

8) Riker accepts command of another starship, the U.S.S. ZZ Top.

7) Ten Forward is turned into a strip-joint, with its lead act being Beverly Crusher as "The Dancing, Disrobing Doctor."

6) Tired of not being sure whether he is a lieutenant or a chief petty officer, O'Brien beams the entire bridge crew into a black hole and assumes the rank of Captain.

5) Picard fires the phasers.

4) "Prime Directive" is the word of the day, entire crew goes "Aaaaahhhhh!!" at the top of their lungs whenever it is mentioned.

3) Data's cat, Spot, is revealed as a Romulan spy.

2) Wesley is affected the same as the rest of the crew, and a no-name security guard saves the ship.

1) Picard switches from Earl Grey to Nestea Instant Tea Mix; does "Nestea Plunge" into swimming pool on holodeck.