2000, 2 hrs, Rated PG.�Dir: Brian de Palma. Cast: Gary Sinise, Tim Robbins, Don Cheadle, Connie Nielsen, Jerry O'Connell, Kim Delaney.

When friends keep saying that something is soooo bad, then it�s almost a triple-dog-dare that I have to go see a film, like someone telling you that their milk is foul smelling and hands you the carton exclaiming, �Whew! This reeks! Take a whiff!� In that frame of mind, I went to the local cinema to see Mission to Mars.

The characters yammered on with lame dialogue that evoked absolutely no emotional attachment. Almost every scene was overly sappy, which I know was to encourage women to weep. Unfortunately for the filmmakers, this movie is attracting more guys, as the Noon screening I attended had approximately 25 men and zero females.

The movie begins at a picnic the day before the liftoff of Mars I, and even though we know absolutely nothing about these characters they have these emotional conversations in which we�re supposed to feel something for them. But since we haven�t met them yet how can we be expected to care?

The music had ten different ranges for every situation. In one supposedly emotional scene I swear I heard the end music to Home Alone and in a supposedly tense scene involving the decompression sequence on Mars II, the music resembled Phantom of the Opera.

The film stole ideas from every sci-fi film before it, none of which worked for M2M. As a little robotic rover rolls through a canyon I half-expected to see a group of Jawas overtake it, one of the characters is named Luke and I know that one of the scenes that was cut had to mention that Gary Sinise could make the Moon run in less than 12 parsecs. If you happen to watch the film, you�ll see a key plot secret revealed and think, �That�s definitely ripped from Close Encounters of the Third Kind AND Contact.�

Meanwhile, the ultimate revelations are nothing you haven�t heard or seen before, especially if you listen to Art Bell on late-night radio. Non-spoiler, I�ll just say that there is a face on Mars, and we didn�t put it there.

Mission to Mars tosses aside the argument that a good cast can save a film. I like every actor and actress, yet none of them knew how to work with the script. Overemoting was the norm and conversations were forced in every locale. Even the voice of the computer was laughable.

Was there anything good about the picture? Sure, I guess some of the special effects were interesting, and a few action sequences offered mini-bits of intelligence and originality.

In the end, though, as the credits rolled the silent audience of guys got up and sighed a collective �Alrighty then,� not sure what we�re supposed to feel nor did we particularly care about what happened. It�s a pretty smelly movie, so go see for yourself and take a whiff of the stench. I dare you.