2001, 1 hr 50 min., Rated PG-13.�Dir: Renny Harlin. Cast: Sylvester Stallone (Joe Tanto), Kip Pardue (Jimmy Blye), Til Schweiger (Beau Brandenburg), Burt Reynolds (Carl Henry), Estella Warren (Sophia), Gina Gershon (Cathy Moreno), Robert Sean Leonard (Demille Blye), Cristi�n de la Fuente (Memo Moreno).

Since I was waiting to see The Mummy Returns on Saturday with Scott and Jenn (aren�t I the nicest?), I decided to let my brain take it easy for a couple of hours and see cars go VROOM and actors go �duuhhhhhhhh�, which I�m guessing is what every page in the script said for Driven.

Summary of Driven: cars go VROOM and many times BOOM and Estella Warren makes the hunks go VA-VA-VOOM. Meanwhile, my brain goes ZZZZZZZ, because to try and dissect this stinkbomb seriously gives me a headache.

This isn�t a NASCAR flick, it�s Formula One, which means those pointy little cars that go 200 mph in idle, yet shatter in teeny tiny pieces when a bug hits the bumper. And they�re all covered in ads. There�s more product placement in this flick than the entirety of �Survivor 2�, which says a lot.

The cast is present. That's as positive as I can say without using curse words. They don�t act very well, but they react quite well; 'smell the fart' acting at its finest.

I can�t believe it but Sly is actually the best of the bunch in acting chops (me thinks he only hired untalented hacks on purpose), while the remainder consists of a Beck look-alike (Kip Pardue � just the name makes me want to smack him around), a synchronized swimmer-turned-model-turned actress (Warren), an actress with more replacement parts than the racecars (Gina Gershon), an is-he-or-isn�t-he-evil German (Til Schweiger), the guy who committed suicide in Dead Poets Society (Robert Sean Leonard, committing career suicide here) and an actor who couldn�t even keep Loni Anderson happy (Burt Reynolds).

There are the requisite wrecks and love-triangles, as well as a race through Chicago�s downtown streets that wasn�t even as good as the wheelchair race in Days of Thunder. In this scene, and every other, the editing is horrible. Sweet Sassy Molassey, I could cut and splice better using scissors and duct tape, and still make it look like the actors are actually in the same movie while talking to each other.

For example, let�s run down every pre-race sequence in the flick: CARS, BABES, FANS EAT, BABES� BLONDE HAIR BLOWS IN WIND, MEDIA TALKS, BABES� BOSOMS, FANS CHEER, EXTREME CLOSE-UP OF BABES� BUTTS, CARS START, CARS CRASH, FANS CHEER, JEFF DOZES OFF.

I know, I know. How could I doze off in the midst of fat guys with no shirts eating hot dogs? Shame.

If it weren�t for all the pit stops for the overly sappy relationship and brotherly love tripe, the film might have been better. It would have at least gone by faster. But, either way, I would recommend driving on by your local theater and staying far, far away from Driven.

The verdict: -- Stalled in the pits.

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