2002, 1 hr 45 min., Rated R for some sexual content.�Dir: Fran�ois Ozon. Cast: Danielle Darrieux (Mamy) Catherine Deneuve (Gaby), Isabelle Huppert (Augustine), Emmanuelle B�art (Louise), Fanny Ardant (Pierrette), Virginie Ledoyen (Suzon), Ludivine Sagnier (Catherine), Firmine Richard (Madame Chanel).

I'm at the local indie theater, and the movie is titled 8 Femmes rather than 8 Women, so this must be a French movie, not just because of their crazy accents but also because the concession guy is wearing a beret! Ooh la la! What better way to get ready for such a film than to sit on the patio of the pizza parlor two doors down and enjoy a warm beverage on a chilly day, with the radio playing Britney Spears. Okay, so I never said it was a perfect setting.

Thus, it is time for one of those small, foreign films that flies under the mainstream radar, but gets enough press due to its eccentric styling to attract attention. Not just a offbeat comedy, it's a musical, too!

PLOT: Eight women - six from three generations of family, plus two maids - are snowed in a ritzy mansion in the French countryside, circa 1950s. The only man of the manor is found dead, which turns into a whodunit full of estrogen-packed revelations about the relationships between the femmes.

The filmmakers make no attempt to hide that this isn't a terribly serious body of work; it's a campy, melodramatic snooping comedy featuring lovely ladies who have secrets to reveal and hair to pull. Oh, yes, there are some juicy catfights on the screen, complete with slapping, and biting. I sure hope I wasn't expected to learn about feminine wiles, because if so it only let me to wonder if a life of celibacy is preferred. Not that there's any angst, but as author Elissa Melamed noted, "Men look at themselves in mirrors. Women look for themselves.

Ah, women. Such delicate flowers, they're sparkling jewels of this dark world. Oh, and they're potential killers, too. Guy must've left the eau de toilet seat up. 8 Femmes is a kind of chick Clue, the twists and turns can give you a bigger headache than your wife bugging you to take out the trash. Of course, with some of the acts on screen by these women, you will obey if only out of fear of what happens if you refuse. As Israeli author and aphorist Joseph Gold said: "Men can seldom finish a whole sentence in the presence of their wives." Imagine eight women all trying to finish each other's!

The cast showcases many of France's elite actresses, no doubt enjoying some ladies' nights out on the set with pillow fights every night in their underwear. Catherine Deneuve is the headliner, the mistress of the house who isn't exactly torn up that her husband has been killed. Her daughters are played by Virginie Ledoyen, last seen around here frolicking on The Beach with Leo, and Ludivine Sagnier as the bookworm 17-year-old in search of some honesty around the house. The alluring Fanny Ardant (Mary of Guise in Elizabeth) makes a late apperance wearing a devil-may-care fire red dress that leaves no doubt that she's going to fire up the crowd as the deceased's sister, the complete opposite to Deneuve's sister Augustine (Isabelle Huppert), a stuffy bore in need of constant attention. Deneuve's mother, Mamy (Danielle Darrieux) doesn't do any better as the elder of the group, full of secrets of her own to worry about. The servants include saucy Emmanuelle B�art (last seen in the States with Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible), and Firmine Richard, the stable-yet-sassy black housekeeper with a seducing draw all her own.

Okay, time to get to the nitty-gritty of why I can't give this a substantial thumb up. The ladies are lovely and overflowing with personality, but for the most part I wasn't into the story. When I took an extended bathroom/refreshment break about an hour in, I felt like I didn't miss anything and didn't care to catch up with my friend when I got back. Then there are the songs, which I hoped would add something to the story, but actually took me out of the film every time. They killed the rhythm and the words didn't make sense with the situation. I found myself consciously reading the subtitles, something a good foreign flick shouldn't do to me.

Nothing wrong with the look of the movie, though. It's very colorful (for instance, every woman's wardrobe corresponds with her personality), and the framing wraps every woman involved in a scene, reminding me of a stage play. The acting is quite pleasant, and the purposeful melodrama will elicit more than a few titters, as will the constant reminders that every woman is lying, all are suspicious and have a motive. The bickering has plenty of bite, and this guy realizes how brutal chicks can be when their backs are against the wall.

Cute? Certainly. Worth recommending? Possibly. And I feel bad about such a blah endorsement. Femmes might get more joy out of 8 Women than I did, but this male has learned that there's a valid reason that guy pals speak little to each other, and don't complain when it's time to take out the trash.