I've made fun of the title Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World for months now, that it takes as long to say as it does to see. But the filmmakers may be on to something, namely the *cha-ching!* sound ringing box offices around the world. The film could become a FRANCHISE, just as the makers of Pirates of the Caribbean tacked on "Curse of the Black Pearl" when they saw dollar signs and sequel potential. So look forward in two years to Master and Commander 2: Russell Gets His Groove On Again.

I�m being silly (No, really? King of subtlety, you are. � Ed.), but this movie is anything but. M&C is serious seafare, not the fun swashbuckling summer silliness of Pirates of the Caribbean.

We're aboard the H.M.S. Surprise in April 1805, and Captain "Lucky" Jack Aubrey (Crowe) is ordered to find and destroy the French ship Acheron before Napoleon can take over Britain as he has most of the other Euroweenie nation-states. Yep, it's always the danged French. If they�re not giving up five seconds into a war, they�re the cause of it in the first place.

Not only where the Brits keeping Napoleon�s small greasy little hands from getting control of the seas, but ensuring the continuation of their own colonial dominance so that the �sun never sets on the British Empire.�

Thus, there�s no time to dawdle, as columnist Charles Krauthammer compares the situation to today:

�We are at war, and this is a film not just about the conduct of war, but about virtue in war. Its depiction of the more ancient notions of duty, honor, patriotism and devotion is reminiscent of what we glimpsed during live coverage of the dash to Baghdad back in April, but is now slipping from memory.�

M&C profoundly gives you the (correct) impression that the claustrophobic crew of the Surprise is alone in very big waters. Any help is nowhere nearby to take on these aggressors who have them outmaneuvered, outgunned and outmanned, getting their rudders kicked initially and having to rely on seamanship, being better tacticians and tricksters.

The film is based on a part of Patrick O'Brian's 20 volume series of novels on the exploits of Aubrey and others. Of course, like usual, I haven�t read any of the books, so I can only judge the movie based on its own merits.

Director Peter Weir (The Truman Show, Witness, Gallipoli) puts together stylish moviemaking, full of characterization. There�s a big cast, and for the most part we can remember them from one scene to another. For the most part, I say, because at other times I can�t figure out who is whom, and when one character dies dramatically, I had no memory of who he was and why others loved him so much.

Another problem, I couldn�t understand half of what the guys are saying in their low-talking, 19th century British accents and language. It�s like when I flew in to Scotland back in 2000, walking next to a Scottish citizen. He was talking, I replied, but neither of us understood what the other said. We just kind of nodded, furrowed our brows and looked for a familiar face. Subtitles are sometimes necessary despite speaking the same language.

Also confusing at times, Weir's action uses quick cuts amid dark sets that don�t give the viewer any idea of the destruction. Parts of the ship are hit and people go flying, but you�re detached and don�t get the sense that you�re aboard, feeling any significance of what it�s like on what must seem like a sailing coffin as it seems destined to sink into the depths.

M&C contains very little swashbuckling, until one dramatic scene of a hand-to-hand melee, fracas, donneybrook, among boarding parties (although, no rotel dip or girls in skimpy outfits at this kind of party).

It�s not just battles the crew has to deal with, but weather as well, especially turbulent waters and storms rounding Cape Horn at the tip of South America. That, and the chase scenes were just as exciting � and more intriguing - than the actual ship-to-ship combat.

In continuing confirmation of being one of the top five talents on the big screen in any movie, but especially action movies, Russell Crowe takes the helm as the studmuffin beefcake for the ladies. Nothing for the guys, though, unless you count the 19th century ships engaged in naval warfare and close quarter fighting. There�s a promotion for you: �Gladiator at sea!�

Lucky Jack is a career sailor, of course, but a man of the arts as well, playing the violin with his doctor on cello. When it becomes clear he isn�t so lucky, the doubts seep in, and we�re left to wonder if Crowe is driven by duty to King and country or to personal pride?

In an attempt to take the film beyond naval warfare, Weir stops off at the Galapagos Islands, thirty years before Charles Darwin�s famous expedition aboard the H.M.S. Beagle changed the way the world views science. Much time is spent on the ship surgeon (Paul Bettany, A Beautiful Mind, A Knight's Tale) analyzing natural history on the island.

Who would expect a period piece on the British navy to reflect on natural selection vs. scientific creationism? At least there�s one good thing to come of it, as is usual with moral scientific pursuits, with the study of nature advancing the ideas of naval warfare at the hands of Crowe.

Science isn�t the concern of the crew, however. The world is a little different for those on their ships, alone in the water. Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink, the wind determines course, speed and whether you move at all, and any bad luck gets the rabble to talking of curses and mysticism. A strong foe becomes a �phantom,� and a Hobbit is your driver. Well, not literally, but Billy Boyd (Pippin in the Lord of the Rings trilogy) takes the helm of the Surprise.

Somehow, I never found a way to say �poop deck� in this review, and I�m quite peeved at myself. I mean, sure, I can note that this is a solid movie, All fair and above board, but you don�t know what that means.

If this were a bad movie, I could say it belongs on the poop deck, but no, this movie has the weather gauge and deserves credit as one of the finer historical dramas featuring naval warfare, despite the aforementioned drawbacks. Just go in knowing that the focus is on the crew and situation, and not on the action.

So, huzzah to Master and Commander for putting forth a noble effort at a nautical epic! As Crowe says in the film, "Quick's the word and sharp's the action." Cheerio, my good man, right on.