Underworld
2003, 2 hrs, Rated R for strong violence/gore and some language.�Dir: Len Wiseman. Cast: Kate Beckinsale (Selene), Scott Speedman (Michael Corvin), Shane Brolly (Kraven), Michael Sheen (Lucian), Bill Nighy (Viktor), Sophia Myles (Erika).
Gosh, if vampires and werewolves can't live in harmony, who can? Instead, they are embroiled in a millennium-long blood feud, much like the Sharks and Jets. Of course, with fangs, claws and guns. Oh, and no singing. Maybe they aren't the same thing.
But as you may guess, the Romeo & Juliet angle is sure to follow. Oops, sorry, I lost the West Side Story metaphor. I meant, the Tony & Maria story is sure to follow.
Kate Beckinsale is our blood-sucking, blood-spilling heroine, and looking much less feminine and goody-goody than you're used to in Pearl Harbor or Serendipity. The tight black leather outfit and trenchcoat suggest that Katie won't spend this flick smiling cutely with perfectly tussled hair and bright red lipstick (well, unless she has blood on her pucker).
Kate is blessed (well, in an undead sort of way) with slow-motion movement and hearing. You know, those cool extras you get from being eternally damned.
Selene (Beckinsale) is a "death dealer," with one job: Kill werewolves. She does so with style and great harrumph, and the movie features plenty of Oohs and Gollys. (I'm such a prude - I'd be the tamest vampire ever. "Pardon me, but can we just bake the blood into a pie so I can't see it. Blood makes me queasy.")
Scott Speedman ("Felicity," Dark Blue) is an American werewolf in London, the target for both the werewolves and then the vampires. What's his secret? He was born. Seriously, he just has the right bloodline, nothing more. Same goes for his acting skills, he should only do it during full moons.
The vamps and werewolves adapt to modern weapons, and improve on it. I guess that's no surprise, since so many of our coolest and most peaceful gadgets were invented for use by the military. Can't believe they never thought of bullets laced with silver nitrate, though.
There's still a primitive quality to all the ritualistic bloodletting, from the vampire "awakening" to the grunts and roars of the werewolves on the hunt. The best CGI in the movie comes as the guys change from werewolves to humans and back.
I didn't see any female werewolves, either. I doubt the species is asexual, but then again, all the guys could use a serious treatment from Bravo in their Fight Club-ish lifestyle, compared to the very European poshness of the vampires.
Major points for the film pitting vampires and werewolves against one another, though. Following a summer that saw Freddy and Jason face off, I can vouch for many when I say that any movie that features monsters against monsters is an automatic winner.
Speaking of European, why was it no surprise that the mad scientist was German? Is that ever not true in movies? It just wouldn't be fitting to hear a Spanish accent as a guy in a white coat talks about his plans to take over the world.
I don't have a stake in this flick (pun intended, duh), and ended with mixed feelings. Decent story, decent action, but in parts it's unintentionally funny when it tries to be dramatic, and I really began to miss the sunlight after an hour. When you drift off, the film draws you back. For instance, when a fight is particularly important to the plot, the music is turned up REALLY LOUD.
Unfortunately, this is usually to cover up for an inadequacy that speaks volumes about what it expects from the audience. A major problem is that we're supposed to pick sides and root for either the vampires or the werewolves. Problem is, if this were real, I'd pull for Special Forces to wipe them all out as the monsters they are.
The verdict:
Equilibrium
How about another movie full of guys in black leather trenchcoats firing enough bullets to conquer Russia?
It's post-WWIII, and humans are forbidden from showing their humanity. That is, not allowed to "feel." You know what the Michael Moore bedwetters were thinking from the start: "Dude, it's John Ashcroft's America!"
No, it's more what life would be like if the Vulcans had a mean streak when they came to Earth after Zefram Cochrane's joy ride at Warp 1. (Cue Kirk: "I need my pain!")
Like Fahrenheit 451, where books are banned, the Mona Lisa goes up in smoke. With 451 and like Logan's Run, our star has been misled about what's right and what's insanity, and must fight to break apart from the new world order.
As part of their emotional detachment, they have to take some drug called Prozium to calm them down. Hmmm, hey kids, how about that ritalin, eh?
Christian Bale (American Psycho), channeling Keanu Reeves' "whoa" voice, is a prodigy among the feeler-wiper-outers. His wife was killed for "sense offense," his creepy son is in the 'monastery' to be a 'cleric,' too, and his daughter shows signs of being like mommy. Trouble brews, for sure.
The movie itself is doing more than channeling Keanu, clearly hoping to cash in on The Matrix craze. Equilibrium stands just fine on its own, and the action scenes are impressive enough to give the movie oomph.
The intuitive Bale is the best among the clerics, senses whenever someone has an emotion and can kill in a hundred different ways, although he clearly prefers the gun to his martial arts expertise.
As part of his vigilence, this includes having to murder his partner, Sean Bean from LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring. He played Boromir, who also had trouble with keeping his emotions in check.
Bale's new partner is the all-too-perfect looking Taye Diggs, who no doubt will track Bale down for fleeing, and once we see the lovely Emily Watson on the scene, there's no doubt she will be the Muse who draws Bale out of his boring life.
So, off his meds, Bale begins to feel so much and gets so conflicted with his evil job, he's just a pile of blubbering humanity that even the Fab Five from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" would say was gay. The kicker: when he just can't let go of the cute widdle puppy. Awwww. And certainly cute enough to be worth wiping out an entire police battalion in a very nifty scene.
The score was surprisingly good, ranging from a hard rock groove during action to industrial, plus orchestral and choral dramatic, but really, it's not what we're here for. No, we're here for such a scene as Bale's stellar killing of dozens of guards in the hallway, then using a sword to finish off more proper propagandists in quick fashion.
Hey, wait a minute. In both movies today, the ultimate showdown featured a face-splitting shot. Both cool and well played, but who copied whom?
Equlibrium is the better of the two movies, and worth a rental before you see Underworld.
The evil humans can inflict on one another is far more compelling than what immortals do to each other.
The verdict:
2002, 1 hr 40 min., Rated R for violence. Dir: Kurt Wimmer. Cast: Christian Bale (John Preston), Taye Diggs (Brandt), Emily Watson (Mary O'Brien), Sean Bean (Partridge), William Fichtner (Jurgen). 