In Team America: World Police there’s an awesomely insulting song called “Pearl Harbor Sucks” grousing lyrics like “Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?”

	Translate this, sucker.

I’ll tell you. Admit it, you actually kind of enjoyed Bad Boys. Armageddon had some cool shots and Bruce Willis’s death made you weep. The one that gets Bay off the hook more than any other is The Rock, which, well, rocked, starring Nic Cage and Sean Connery the unlikely duo thwarting terrorists with on Alcatraz.

When Red Sox star Manny Ramirez – whom I adore, by the way – makes a bonehead play in right field or say something off the wall, everyone shrugs and says, “that’s Manny being Manny.”

Same here. Hollywood makes a blockbuster film with a lot of action and special effects but without much thought to plot and script? Hey, it’s just Michael Bay being Michael Bay. You mostly enjoy what he does so you excuse a few missteps.

Master thespians Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson do their best to generate drama and a love story between the vroom vroom bang bang, but unfortunately, again, The Island focuses on effects instead of story.

Despite my prior declaration against such thought, it’s still disappointing because the story could work on so many levels of emotion and psychology, similar to Logan’s Run and Minority Report. But who needs that when there are rocket-flying motorcycles and sh*t, am I right? It’s a Bay flick, so let’s just say that matters get out of hand quickly.

The Island looks great, at least. The colors really pop and there are ingenious futuristic additions to the 2019 cityscape like a hovering train. I have to ask, though, why in every movie based in the future do there have to be phones where you see who you’re talking to? That’s been tried and rejected because we want the freedom to chat on the telephone while eating ice cream and Googling pictures of Eva Longoria.

I feel that I’ve diverted our path. So in sum, Ewan has doubts, Scarlett has boobs and neither has much personality, thus leaving supporting actor du jour Steve Buscemi all the memorable lines. For instance, when it’s up to him to reveal the shock of their existence as clones, he whines, “Why do I got to be the guy who tells kids there’s no Santa Claus?”

Hey, the truth has to come out sometime, but when it comes to Michael Bay movies there is no truth, only what you want to see.

Sky High
2005, 1 hr 40 min., Rated PG for action violence and some mild language. Dir: Mike Mitchell. Cast: Michael Angarano (Will Stronghold), Kurt Russell (Steve Stronghold/The Commander), Kelly Preston (Josie Stronghold/Jetstream), Danielle Panabaker (Layla), Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Gwen), Kelly Vitz (Magenta), Nicholas Braun (Zach), Dee Jay Daniels (Ethan), Lynda Carter (Principal Powers), Bruce Campbell (Coach Boomer), Steven Strait (Warren Peace), Kevin Heffernan (Ron Wilson - Bus Driver), Dave Foley (Mr. Boy), Kevin McDonald (Mr. Medulla).

High school have been so much easier if we had a superpower or two to get away from things, take care of bullies, pick up chicks, play competitive sports and in general have a lot more fun on Friday nights.

At least, I thought that, and then comes Sky High to prove that even superheroes have problems. Not that this is a movie that dwells on the negative without focusing on the positive. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’ve seen enough of dark and brooding superheroes, so let’s light the sun shine once in a while, okay?

	Yes, son, one day you'll have your own Laser Phallic Gun to penetrate the hearts of girls all over the world.

You think you had pressure to succeed in school, listen to Kurt Russell’s hopes for his son, Will (played by Michael Angarano): “All I ever wanted was for him to save the world.”

Then again, when your dad is The Commander and your mother Jetstream (Kelly Preston) – the most super duperest superheroes in the world – those expectations aren’t as farfetched.

Like any typical teen flick this one features a freshman in a new school, only one full of kids with super speed, stretchy arms and abilities outweighing your typical popular “arm fart the ‘Star-Spangled Banner’” in the lunchroom.

Also as with any coming-of-age flick, the climax goes down at the school dance. Although usually with fewer ray guns and capes. Remember, the villain’s kids are here, too, with their own nefarious schemes. Don’t worry, no one really gets hurt. The violence is comic book-like, so no matter how many times the characters get tossed through walls, burned and hit, they get right back up to save another day.

The entire school clique system boils down to your powers. The Cool kids are superheroes. Nerds/outcasts fall into the sidekick role, assisting superheroes since their powers (or lack thereof) aren’t thought to be adequate to defeat super villains. As a late bloomer, Will hasn’t developed his powers and ends up as on the sidekick course, or more PC, “Hero Support.”

Sky High is a world where folks talk nonchalantly about superheroes and their deeds, where superheroes can slide into separate identities just by wearing glasses, a la Clark Kent. The effects are simple and many times purposefully and suitably cheesy like a typical Power Rangers episode. Really, it’s fitting and works just fine. Kids will enjoy the razzle dazzle and the adults should get some laughs out of the sight gags and pop culture quips.

The movie knows it’s got something wholesome and fun. In the background, for instance, catch this throwaway line over the loudspeaker: “The cafeteria requests that sidekicks stop ordering hero sandwiches” or when the song “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” is in the background when talking about the bad guys.

What it comes down to is, who doesn’t like to explore the lives of superheroes? They’re better than us, after all, and only they can save us from villains bent on world domination.

Sky High is good clean Disney family fun, The Incredibles for the young teen set. Okay, so I’m not quite a teenager anymore (“Not quite”? – ed.), but enjoyed myself all the same.