A religious thriller, done right, is one of the best genres of motion pictures. If you try to pit Constantine between, say, The Exorcist (good) and The Order (horrible), Keanu's flick is closer to the former than the latter, features a girl walking on the ceiling and an exorcism, but cooler than you've seen before. It's like The Breakfast Club versus Can't Buy Me Love in the battle of 80s teen flicks. No contest.

I was all set to give Constantine four-and-a-half stars and sing its praises as just such a religious thriller. Until the last twenty minutes, that is. I didn't buy into the choice for villain of Good and Bad as it turned into Dogma sans Alanis Morissette as the Almighty, and my review slipped from "wicked awesome" to "darn good, with reservations."

	I condemn thee rubber ducky to an eternity of hellfire and brimstone!

Just don’t go into the flick hoping it will confirm your faith. This is a thriller first, religious story second. I looked at Constantine the same way I do Buffy the Vampire Slayer, with the characters and plot driving the mythology that serves to give us something we don’t get to see much.

As usual, the theology in this religious-based movie is based in Catholicism. No one ever makes a religious thriller starring Methodists. Why? Because in Catholicism there’s more guilt, and no rosy picture of God swooping down to aid the lost and those in trouble.

I'm not even going to mention that this flick is based on a comic book, because you know I haven't read it and won't read it for comparison. Y'all know I only read the back of cereal boxes, and until there's a movie where Toucan Sam stabs Count Chocula in the heart to end his reign of breakfast terror, don't tell me if a movie has a version in black and white print.

No surprise that Keanu Reeves gets to reprise the suffering hero he owned in the Matrix trilogy. As usual, Keanu is good so long as it’s a role he can handle, i.e., he doesn't have to say much, broods a lot and when he does open his trap he can sound all raspy and serious with smart alecky bits here and there.

Keanu's apartment is over a bowling alley. I think we all knew in our hearts that this would be the place for heaven and hell to wage the final battles for humanity. Just wait, next time you get a seven-ten split you'll notice Jillians gets dim and cold, and your ten-pound balls (hee) get heavier.

Like the thief out for one last heist or the cop catching the crook on the day of his retirement, Keanu doesn't have long before his career of fighting demons is kaput. But that is just long enough to meet the lovely Rachel Weisz, a faithful Catholic and a cop with an innate sense of bad guys and making me all tingly. Firmly in my Top Five, Rachel ends up a pivotal tipping point, which could either be my grip on reality (I wasn’t stalking her, I swear!) or the deal God and the devil made to stay out of the way of humanity.

There's a Spear of Destiny that is available at Pottery Barn for $245.99, but like all their other overpriced stock no one can afford it so it remains out of the hands of evil just long enough. Somehow the Nazis (I hate those guys) left it in Mexico before losing World War II, and an illegal immigrant brings it to Los Angeles and uses it to pick strawberries for a dollar an hour. No, not really. But he does bring it to L.A.

There are questions of God and the devil, heaven and hell, dogs and cats, and Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff. The battle of Good versus Evil is the story that transcends the ages. It's all the more interesting during increasingly secular times. Keanus expositions about "influence peddlers" and "cross breeds" trying to tip The Balance, which boils down to: demons stay in hell and angels stay in heaven. They can only influence people without taking a direct role, but now demons are blatantly showing up and it’s up to Keanu to stop them.

In the middle, Djimon Hounsou (Amistad) is a power broker between the sides, running a bar where demons can hang out with their glowing eyes and show off their ESP skills, without all the pestering by humans to stop cursing souls and all. As a courtesy.

For fellow protestants who have read Frank Peretti's trilogy, the idea of angels and demons battling behind-the-scenes is particularly believable and inspiring. Peretti’s books also follow the lead of influence over blatant involvement, and those who are chosen for His work aren’t always those most ready to jump in and help. I can’t even wake up in time for the 11:30 a.m. services on Sundays, let alone risk my life only to be called a nutjob by my peers.

It isn’t for wont of trying that God doesn’t swoop down in Constantine. He isn’t as blatant as Morgan Freeman (a god on earth) in Bruce Almighty, but the signs are everywhere: The alley sign is broke and says Bowl Bow Bowl, a billboard says "Your time is running out" and "Got faith?" A billboard for KLOVE Christian radio has a picture of Jesus and Keanu’s sidekick drives a cab for company called Angel City.

I think we all wish it was as easy as the Almighty appearing in the sky a la Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but if anyone can know, Keanu does. He’s even been to hell, so he’s sort of an expert. Speaking of, the special effects provide a few whoas, especially the sulfur hurricane that is the bad place you want to avoid.

Not that you can buy your way into the gates of heaven, since apparently that’s “wrong” or something, which is just silly. I’m pretty sure that if Keanu keeps vaporizing demons he should be able to squeeze in the good place. At least give the dude a studio apartment.