I can't believe it's over.

"America's Next Top Model," that is. I so didn't see Naima winning. Kahlen is so pretty!

As for Star Wars, I'm relieved that it's over. Six years of anticipation is realized, and I can move on. It's a long time since the electricity surrounding the spring of 1999 before The Phantom Menace. I bought a new Millennium Falcon, stopped whenever the "Duel of the Fates" video played on MTV/VH1 and got in line twelve hours before the midnight premiere and sat in my Darth Maul inflatable chair.

Of course, this is before George Lucas muddled up one of our favorite stories with details about trade wars, and Peter Jackson showed how a plot worked with incredible effects in the exceedingly better Lord of the Rings trilogy.

The six Star Wars films will forever live on in my DVD player, and I look forward to the day I can watch all six in a row (I know, you're so jealousing right now on my active social life).

Perhaps I know too much about the series already. The sixth installment felt like a checklist to run through so things fit in Episodes four through six. Betray the Jedi? Check. Padme preggers with twins? Check. Anakin in the Vader suit? Check. Tiny four-wheeled squeaky droid thingies that were on the Death Star? Check.

	Bob the Jedi wished everyone wouldn't pretend like he wasn't there.

Actually, the last one was an example of what I liked about the checklist. It was fun to see how the ships and other Storm Trooper machinery started to evolve closely into what it would look like when Luke and Leia were leading the rebellion twenty years hence.

Otherwise, it was awkward when all the names were introduced effortlessly. Palpatine's like, "Okay, dude, you're Darth Vader." Seems like that should have taken more thought. Maybe, "Rise, Anakin, and become Darth, um, Disarray. No, no, that's no good. How about Darth Pissed? Naw, too obvious. Darth Bad Husband? Too literal. Okay, fine, Darth Vader. Yeah, that's it! Now be all evil and Vadery!"

In news, we're instructed to tell a story based on the Who, What, When, Where, Why and How. Same goes for filmmaking. Like Titanic, we know the What, the Where and the Who, but the success of this fable will depend on the spectacular and dramatic Whys and Hows. The look is spectacular, but the drama was lacking.

I wasn't entirely convinced how Anakin went from concerned husband to evil Jedi-child killer in thirty seconds. Since before The Phantom Menace I said that what I most wanted to see was how Anakin betrayed the Jedi and wiped out almost every one. So I got to see it, but it wasn't as cool as I was hoping. Almost lived up to my expectations, but not exactly. Because I'm a demanding bastard, and I like to see people get their feelings hurt. And impaled with shiny lightsabers.

Unfortunately, what bogged down Episodes I and II was the same problem Episode III continued, the extended monotone chit-chats. When the original trilogy had their long talks at least felt like it was leading somewhere, or they were in the muck and the situations called for some serious discussion, not to mention that their personalities popped on screen and held your attention.

The characters in this trilogy just aren't interesting, so their extended expositions were about as exciting to me as it must be for my family to listen to my brother Scott and I talk about our rotisserie baseball league. What's deep and insightful to us becomes dull and obscure to everyone else.

I would also note that when the lovey-dovey stuff came on, like the previous movie I could only roll my eyes. But perhaps that's just relationship-challenged ol' me. I fail to see how Padme ever fell for Anakin, who acts like Coby from the last Survivor. (If Coby had superpowers.)

As much as Leia and Han Solo sparked from the chemistry on screen, it's the opposite for Anakin and Padme, who wouldn't spark if they were attached to a car battery. When Padme talks about when "all we had is our love," the movie turns into a seventh-grade romance.

George Lucas is to blame, and that's a shame. He can make actors who have proven their skills in other films, and make it look like they're in a seventh-grade performance of "Our Town."

Then, Lucas threw in some throwaway line intended to equate President Bush with being a Sith ("if you're not with us you're against us"), so thanks George, for pissing me off every time I watch this movie for the rest of my life when I hear how you tried to inflict your liberal politics in a fantasy space opera. I'll bet all your Hollywood pals were all over the "only a Sith speaks in abolutes" line. Really, George? Is that absolute?

On the other hand, the duel between Anakin and Obi-Wan was nearly all that I wanted it to be. Where he turned bad based on fear, he really kicked open the door to the Dark Side with hatred of his former master, and doesn't get the best of him. Palpatine's all, "You are the next Apprentice." And Obi-Wan's all, "You're fired!"

Now back to what made Revenge of the Sith better than the last two. The special effects are indeed very special. Where The Matrix outshined Episode I a few weeks before it premiered, Episode III proved that Lucas' companies are no slouches when it comes to making advances in technology.

There are wicked awesome scenes that are unbelievable in depth and the field of scope. All-CGI bad boy General Grievous looks absolutely like he belongs on screen, and when Obi-Wan is riding around on a screeching alien it looks a lot more believable than when he and Anakin were hopping on a horned beast in Episode II.

A warning, too. When the film is rated PG-13, believe it. I have to give George props for not backing down from showing enough violence to prove that the Republic's in bad shape, and Anakin needs that Vader suit for good reason.

If you just can't wait to see what happens next, for the exciting conclusion, Episodes IV, V and VI are on DVD in stores now!

p.s. - There are Wookies! Lots of them! Chewie and Yoda share a heartfelt scene, even! Sweet!