A History of Violence
2005, 1 hr 40 min., Rated R for strong brutal violence, graphic sexuality, nudity, language and some drug use. Dir: David Cronenberg. Cast: Viggo Mortensen (Tom Stall), Maria Bello (Edie Stall), Ed Harris (Carl Fogarty), William Hurt (Richie Cusack), Ashton Holmes (Jack Stall), Heidi Hayes (Sarah Stall), Peter MacNeill (Sheriff Sam Carney).
Serenity
2005, 1 hr 55 min., Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense violence and action, and some sexual references. Dir: Joss Whedon. Cast: Nathan Fillion (Mal), Gina Torres (Zoe), Alan Tudyk (Wash), Morena Baccarin (Inara), Adam Baldwin (Jayne), Jewel Staite (Kaylee), Sean Maher (Simon), Summer Glau (River), Ron Glass (Shepherd Book), Chiwetel Ejiofor (The Operative), David Krumholtz (Mr. Universe).

Fellow male travelers – and women so inclined – gather ‘round and let’s talk about that most testosteroney of treats: Violence for violence’s sake. Pure primal impulses.

Admit it, when we watch The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, after the climactic Mexican standoff won by Clint Eastwood we think, “Nice shootin’, Tex!” During Lord of the Rings, not a single audience member screamed, “Stop killing the orcs! Can’t you see what it’s doing to your sense of humanity?” No, that’s wussy and we all know it and those people should receive daily atomic wedgies.

	"Why don't I just serve you up a steaming cup of get-out-before-I-kick-you-out?"

In other words, we’re like Nathan Fillion, captain of the Serenity. We’d rather go about our business like regular folk, but provoked like Aragorn Viggo Mortensen in A History of Violence, well, now we must take care of our own by any means necessary because we know who are the Good Guys and who are the Bad Guys.

Now, hang your heads and put a quarter in the naughty jar. We’re not supposed to think such things. Violence is depraved and only criminals carry such a mindset.

To read all the professional reviews, the only thing missing in A History of Violence are the scenes in the “Star Trek: The Next Generation” bookend episodes where Picard is on trial for humanity’s failings. Only in this case it’s director David Cronenberg, not the immortal Q, who puts us on the stand to account for our shortcomings as a culture.

Apparently, Cronenberg and his Cronies think every act is equal. That’s how the anti-Israelites can criticize the Israeli army for their incursions into the West Bank and Gaza, no matter that they were had fifty rockets fired at them by Palestinian militants. See, if the Israelis wouldn’t retaliate, the Palestinians would never kill Jewish women and children by sending their own kids to blow themselves up in marketplaces. Yes, some people truly think this.

The problem is, while Cronenberg is bemoaning this so-called “cycle of violence,” every single major act of force by the good guys in A History of Violence is justifiable. Gallant, even. Every guy watching was like, “Dude, I wish I could do that!”

Like John Mellancamp, he understands what it’s like to be of the public good in a small group of people you love and adore who sometimes need to be saved with a good ass whupin …

No I cannot forget where it is that I come from
I cannot forget the people who love me
Yeah, I can be myself here in this small town
And people let me be just what I want to be

	"Here's the plan. Y'all run like hell behind me, and we fly off this here rock like it's got herpes, and I don't mean the pleasant kind."

The gritty sci-fi action drama, Serenity, operates under similar rules, if more militant than noble. In action movies like Transporter 2, the hero always seems shocked that everyone else has a gun. What sets Serenity above is its "shoot first" mentality; the survival of the one outweighs the survival of the many, especially when the one is me. When Simon tells little psychic sister River "It's okay to let (the rest of the crew) die" during a dangerous task, he means it because she’s more special than anyone else there, even if he really hopes they’re all okay in the end. The idea isn’t to be selflessly valiant, like "if I'm not back in an hour, leave," but instead, "come get me."

Like "Battlestar Galactica" after it, "Firefly" was "real" science-fiction, rich with theological and psychological judgments. Meantime, space is a harsh environment, ships are noisy and dirty and there aren’t any automatic doors that go “woosh” when you walk up.

They live in a world where a "companion," Inara (Morena Baccarin), is a high-class hooker revered by all who actually supplies respectability to the Serenity crew made up of former rebels and current thieves of Alliance goods and money.

The title ship, Serenity, clangs like a 1970 Plymouth Duster that’s worth lovin’ because it’s been in the family for years and provides many memories of road trips and nights on the town. Sure, she isn’t sleek like a BMW, but she ain’t a Citation hatchback, either. The Serenity gets where she needs to go and blends in, which is important when your crew lives on the edges of the ethical universe.

	"You know, it's not the size of the gun that matters. I'm told, I mean, I certainly wouldn't know from experience."

Unlike BG, "Firefly" was a new concept – a space Western - and actually may have been killed prematurely by its own advertising as a Joss Whedon project. Teen "Buffy" fans no doubt looked elsewhere for teen angst and sci-fi geeks might not have even given the show a start, thinking it might contain the flaky dialogue focusing on the quirky rather than the grimy space drama they desired. My feeling is that the dialogue is unique to the original show, and the same smartass intelligent Whedon scripts remain a constant joy.

The cast is made up of "who's that?" and "hey, it's that guy/girl," and became a niche show like “The X-Files.” Can the movie transcend it’s fan base? Doubtful. No one who hasn’t seen the show will care that my girl, Kaylee, was reduced to a sex-smitten kitten. My matinee audience was all male, most solo like me. No one in that room had any chance of getting laid later that Friday evening.

That being said, if you just take either movie for what it is on screen and not the treatise the critics tell you they should be, these are finely crafted and well-acted films.

Besides, don’t worry about the violence inherent in the system. According to 2001: A Space Odyssey, we didn’t start the fire! Some weird black slab made the monkeys go bananas (pun intended) and start the senseless killing that apparently trickled down the centuries.

Believe you me, both excellent baddies, Ed Harris in A History of Violence and the unnamed assassin in Serenity are up to no good and need killin’.

I only ask that you follow the rules: Don’t mess with me. Don’t mess with my crew. Everyone else can be taken care of as necessary. Break any of them, I sick Aragorn on you.