Ronin
1998, 2 hrs, Rated R for strong violence and some language. Dir: John Frankenheimer. Cast: Robert De Niro (Sam), Jean Reno (Vincent), Natascha McElhone (Dierdre).

Maybe I should have seen Ronin on the big screen. Instead, I rent it and watch it on my 19" TV with a VCR that makes weird sounds every ten seconds during scenes where the score is turned up. Maybe then I would have enjoyed it more than to give it three stars, because I just wasn't captured by the film. And I should have been. It stars De Niro and Reno, two kick-ass Hollywood professionals, a babe in McElhone, and plenty of action and cool spy stuff.

When the film debuted last year, the most talk among internet movie forums was the car chases. There are two-and-a-half in Ronin, and they are very well done and wrecked more cars than Speed and Lethal Weapon combined. BUT, I still prefer the chases in Bullitt with Steve McQueen and Gene Hackman in The French Connection. But Ronin is just after, because it's a given to be great when you're driving 90 through the little streets of Nice and Paris, France.

Finally, a spy/action movie that shows us that civilians, the common people, are affected by the reckless car chases and gunfights the mercenaries begin. So I came up with a drinking game for Ronin that ensures being draped over the toilet at the end of the night:

• Take one drink when a commoner's car is wrecked because of a car chase
• Take two drinks for every commoner shot
• Three drinks when a commoner is hit by a car

Robert De Niro (Sam) is a bad dude, but its not much of a departure from his several other tough-guy films. Of course, it is still always a pleasure to watch him in action. His buddy in Ronin is Jean Reno (Vincent), who has more than made a name for himself in the action genre. He hit it big with The Professional (with Queen Amidala, a.k.a. Natalie Portman), had another decent turn in Mission: Impossible and was the best thing about Godzilla, and should take only the best roles. Of course, he's 50 years old now, so his time in American cinema may be limited. De Niro is 55 by the way.

With the action and car chases, I thought I would be more entranced by the coolness of Ronin. In the end, however, it was a so-so common action/spy flick that one would watch in passing sometime in the future without much effort. Too bad, because I'm afraid my expectations limited my viewing pleasure.

The verdict: -- Like in Pulp Fiction, Ronin wants us to ask "What's in the case?!" Problem: in the latter it didn't really matter to me.

Bound
1996, 1 hr 49 min., Rated R for strong sexuality, violence and language. Dir: The Wachowski Brothers (Larry and Andy, The Matrix. Cast: Jennifer Tilly (Violet), Gina Gershon (Corky), Joe Pantoliano (Caesar).

I had never heard of Bound until co-workers brought it up, while discussing the super-cool The Matrix, which I learned was made by the same directors, the Wachowski Brothers of Larry and Andy. So, naturally after latter blew me away, I had to see the former. Plus, my co-workers kept saying how cool Bound was, especially the lesbian scenes. Hmm, intriguing.

What a disappointment. This movie was boring, and even kinky lesbian sex couldn't wake me up. Okay, so it wasn't so much kinky in the "using power tools" kind of way, but to me all lesbian sex is kinky in that "immoral fantasy" way.

I should have know ahead of time, because I don't care for either leading actress. Jennifer Tilly is more annoying than attractive, especially when she opens her mouth and words come out in a voice that I hate second only to Fran Drescher. Gina Gershon is also not a pretty girl, with a face that looks as worked on as Joan Rivers. If not, then she must be a product of incest, because it ain't natural. Am I being too harsh? Maybe, but I have to do something to get back at Larry and Andy for wasting two hours of my time.

I'll give you the plot just so you have an idea of what's going on: Corky (Gershon) is an ex-con working on the apartment next door to Violet (Tilly), who is married for money to a mobster, Caesar (Pantoliano). Corky and Violet decide to take $2 million from the mob, Caesar gets stuck in the middle, and hijinks ensue. I can see why my friends at work considered it cool, but I wasn't convinced.

The only acting worth mentioning is from Joe Pantoliano as Caesar. His hour of trying to fix the situation Violet and Corky put him in is worthy of note for showing more emotion and acting skill than Tilly and Gershon have ever used.

The second item worth mentioning is the camera work. There are several cool shots that are a preview to The Matrix if you saw it before March, but Bound does not come close to being equal in the "cool" factor. All in all, I was more entertained when the movie ended and I watched "CHiPs" on TNT.