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When life hands you a lemon . . .

by Traute Klein, biogardener

"When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade."

My Dream

I had a dream. It was shattered in one moment when a speeding drunk driver slammed his vehicle into the rear of my stationary little Japanese car. The world as I knew it collapsed under me and left me dangling in black emptiness. According to all my friends, I was born a teacher, and after I got a taste of teaching other teachers, I knew that I had found my life's calling. That is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, instill the same love and commitment in teaching in those who were about to enter the profession.

My Shattered Dream

Then I was handed that proverbial lemon, and the dream turned into a nightmare. I was no longer able to teach, all because of that drunk driver. I tried desperately to keep some connection to the teaching profession, waiting for the day when I would be well again. There was nothing else in life I ever wanted to do, and I still don't. I was not meant to do anything but teach. No matter how hard I try, I am never able to do anything else with the same excellence, and I have never been satisfied performing tasks which someone else can do better.

Keeping the Dream Alive

I tried to stay in touch with my profession, but I lacked the concentration even to attend meetings without falling asleep. I tried teaching volunteer classes for a senior center once a week, but my mind would go blank. The seniors were not complaining, but I was embarrassed. What was I to do with this lemon which had been handed me? I tried teaching little children in Sunday school, just a few at a time with another adult helping me. My mind did not go blank there, because I know my Bible stories without having to concentrate too hard. That small window of usefulness ended, however, when the new minister of the church accused me of child abuse. Even though I was cleared of all charges, the ordeal left a scar from which I have not yet recovered, even now, 5 years later.

Internet Reality

One day, when nothing seemed to work out for me, my husband introduced me to the Internet. I had been reluctant to try it, because I did not seem to be able to cope with anything else. What made him think that the Internet would not be just as disappointing for me?

I was wrong. For the first time since the accident, I was able to cope. I soon found forums where people shared my interests. I was able to talk to them without making a fool of myself. If I dozed off in front of the computer, no one knew, and I would come back later to continue the discussion. I was no longer embarrassed. When people annoyed me, I did not have to look them in the face. I simply ignored them and skipped their postings.

My Internet Classroom

In the Internet forums, I made many friends who shared my interests. When I started constructing webpages, they became my readers, in fact, they became my students, learning with me about the topics which interested me most.

One of my new-found friends invited me to join the writing community called Suite101.com, and I became the contributing editor for Natural Health. Here I found a different type of classroom. My students live in cyber-land. I do not see their faces, and from most of them, I never get any feedback, but I know that I am reaching more people through my writing than I ever taught in real life.

A Different Kind of Lemonade

What happened to that lemon?

It is still as sour as it ever was. I would still rather teach a real classroom full of students, but that will never happen, because while I was waiting to get well, I reached retirement age. Once in a while I get a chance to share my expertise as a guest speaker here and there, but basically, I learned to make a different type of lemonade, cyber-lemonade. I do not need to taste the acidity. It has no real taste and no real flavor. My cyber-classroom has no visible faces, but it is filled with uncounted readers, real people with real needs. Many of them have probably been handed lemons of their own. Maybe they don't like lemonade either. Maybe they and I can learn how to like cyber-lemonade.