San Francisco Benefit Night.  

By the time the Kabuki filled up, it was a see and be seen evening. Lots of familiar gay faces were standing out in the audience. There was a lot of press there, and mics were set up in the aisles for the Q&A.

A few different people introduced more people. The makers of the film were there, and thanked Ellen for giving them material. Elizabeth Birch, head of the Human Rights Campaign, spoke as did the woman who heads up the National Center for Lesbian Rights (I'm rudely spacing on her name). Both spoke briefly and eloquently on the point of the evening (the possible constitutional amendment happening in HI) and the evening's guests of honor: Anne, Ellen, and everyone's favorite mom, Betty. Elizabeth mentioned that surprise guest stars Melissa Etheridge and Julie Cypher would also be in attendance.

They got The Real Ellen Story going pretty quickly. If you haven't seen it, make an effort to hunt it down. It's both very funny, very serious, and very depressing, but well worth it. The ending, in particular, is quite a hoot. It's something that got added on to the British version. I won't give it away, but it's pretty darn amusing.

After the movie, Ellen, Anne, and Betty came out to a standing ovation. After everyone settled down, Anne said, "Welcome to Exodus," which totally cracked us up. They spoke briefly on a few issues pertaining to the vote coming up November 3rd in HI (the reason for the $50/ticket price tag), and made an extra special effort to address the question of unity in the gay "community." Both spoke of their personal experiences of the last year, of Anne's introduction to the community (a straight person told her "they'll hate you more than anyone" and they were right), and to Ellen's isolation of her rather lonely position.

I really liked their discussion of unity. I wanted to ask them how much they thought the schism between men and women had to do with the problem of lack of unity. There were a lot of people in line, though.

I was impressed with their grasp of the issues, with their integrity and honesty, and I know it's trite, but to see these two together is really an inspiration. They care deeply about each other.

Someone brought up youth, and they mentioned that once a week for the past 4 months, they get together with a group of homeless gay kids, which Anne described as being pretty tough. People started applauding, and Anne made a point of saying, "Hold your applause. You go out to YOUR community and work with gay kids, and when you do, applaud for yourself."

Someone asked Ellen if she was surprised that Oprah wasn't more supportive during that devastating interview in April '97 (which Ellen said "backfired"). She hemmed and hawed just a bit, saying that she couldn't say much because the press was there, and left the definite impression that she was disappointed that Oprah didn't do more to stand up for what she obviously believed was right, esp. after doing the therapist role in the Puppy Episode. Betty was the wonderful, sincere mom we all know her to be. She's a sweetheart.

Someone asked Ellen what she thought about the internet, somewhat haltingly asking if she was for free speech on the net. Ellen said, "Whoa, that's a grey area. But, ah, yeah, I'm definitely for free speech" and then going into a very funny little routine about what is the internet, I don't even have a computer, something about online skating (I know I have that wrong, but it was something like that), being pro-internet, and just making a total joke about her supposed complete ignorance of what it is.

Her wit came through, and the audience went a little crazy when she announced that she had decided to go back to standup, and that she was working on an HBO special. She said she'd talk about the usual stuff, but then joked about having to switch gears, basically because of the anger she still felt about her experience. She admitted that it had been very tough, and that she went through a real depression about it. But I got the impression that her standup would be just as funny as we remember, with perhaps more of an edge to it. I doubt she'll shy from gay issues, but I doubt she'll make it the point of all her routines.

Towards the end of the movie, Melissa's contingent sat about 4 rows in front of us. After much of the q&a was done, she came up on stage and related her funny take on the big to-do last year. She also said it was the last time Julie would fly before the baby was due. She said she was doing interviews for her album, and eventually she'd be asked if she thought Ellen was making too big a deal about everything. "And I'd say, nooooooo" (in a very condescending tone) and said that Ellen had done only 3 interviews and the press was picking up on all the heat because it WAS a huge deal - but Ellen wasn't the one creating it. It was just a huge deal. That was fun.

Someone asked Ellen and Anne about having kids, and they said they got all coo-cooing about Melissa and Julie's kid, and they'd feel like they wanted to have one, then they'd go home and stay up until 2am doing whatever they want, with their own privacy, and change their mind. Anne said even their kitten drives them crazy. Ellen said you can't use a spray bottle on a baby.

They were trying to wrap it up when a kid towards the front row raised his hand. (I think he was closer to 9 than 6, but I could be wrong.) In a shaky voice, I THINK he said something like, "If you want kids, you should consider adopting, because my gay parents are really cool" and then I think he started to cry. So did I, and half the crowd. It was really touching, and his dads' were hugging him.

Someone (Elizabeth?) pointed out that this was really what it's all about , and as things started wrapping up, they invited Zachary up on stage, I guess for an autograph. Elizabeth said, "I need a pen. A gay pen." And they chatted with him for a few minutes, before Elizabeth announced to the crowd that Zachary was now going home with Anne and Ellen. It was very funny, and very cool.

Someone asked Betty the best way to handle coming out to one's parents and the aftermath of that revelation and Betty said you have to remember that whatever process you went through to be able to tell them, it is at the moment you tell them that they start the process. You must must must keep the lines of communication open and help them understand. She said she cannot fathom anyone rejecting their children for such a thing, which is why she's every gay person's Mom; she was great.

Someone else asked Betty about the 17 hour comment by Anne. Betty got a bit redfaced, then said shyly "well, it's a big house..." Anne & Ellen were asked about the new bill introduced in CA by someone who collected enough signatures to ban same-sex marriage in CA. They joked a bit about it, but Anne said anyone who can conceive of taking someone's rights away to love whoever they want to love, obviously has no idea what love actually is and has never received the real thing. Ellen said we must fight that way of thinking (taking away rights to love) but with love, not hate or ridicule. Then they ridiculed him (very funnily) for a few moments (not really ridiucled; just said he should get love, preferably from a man, which is prob. what he wants and is afraid of, etc.)

They were great, couldn't keep their hands off each other (just touching each other... kind of like Piglet to Pooh: "I just wanted to be sure of you"), and the whole evening was terrific.

The two charity leaders were indeed very persuasive about how important this issue is in HI, how it is winnable, and how they do need dough to counter the hateful ads the so-called Christians are running After they walked off stage, Elizabeth and the woman for NCLR each spoke briefly but pointedly about the issue at hand. If we lose in Hawaii, we won't get another chance for a long time. There is a fear that if we have an astounding defeat, other rights will be taken away from us and other laws will be passed against us. I think they said that 10 states are now considering laws that will make it illegal specifically for gays to adopt. So there's alot to lose.

Birch insisted that we're neck and neck, and close to winning. That it's touch and go, but that they absolutely know how to win this very important race. A lot of it has to do with ads that educate, and ads that counter the incredible shock and hate ads the opposition is doing.

Ellen and Anne had dinner at Mecca later that evening with anyone who wanted to donate $1000 for the event. I think it was probably money well spent......Bonsai, October 1998.

Here's the text of the handout at the Kabuki, in case you're unfamiliar with the amendment:

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Urgent! Support Protect Our Constitution Human Rights Campaign's Effort in Hawaii!

The battle for equal marriage in Hawaii has moved beyond the courts and into the political arena. On November 3, voters in that state will decide whether they want to amend Hawaii's constitution to allow legislators to limit marriage to the union of one man and one woman. Between now and then, our community must invest in a full-scale campaign - it will take each one of us to win!