A Story covering the events between the fall of the old Theoryland Board, and the arrival at the New Board.
By Uno
Part 1, The Troubles Part 2, More Troubles Part 3, Troubles yet again!
Part 4, Badgers Part 5, The Badger hunt Part 6, Decisions and a cup of kaf
Part 7, Threads
Frenzy was looking over her collection of firearms when she got the message from the Tamyrlin. She had been waiting for something like this; everyone always came running to her with his or her problems. She sighed and studied the message carefully. “Finally the wool head has realised that he must do something, she muttered to herself and proceed to put on her steel-toed butt-kicking work boots. There. Now she should be prepared for just about anything. Who else had Tammy contacted? She thought to herself. Moonshadow and Uno had sorted out the hamster problem, but MS was with Reanne, and Uno was chewing nails because he couldn’t be with her. Warders were like that, and Uno was worse than most. How typical it would be if the Dark Amyrlin would have to do the job all by herself.
Spidy was sitting on his banana lounge in the land of Madmen. He was drunk as a lord, but opened another beer anyway.
The Crystal Throne of Theoryland was said to inspire awe in anyone who gazed upon it. Frenzy rarely felt awe herself, but she couldn’t help thinking that the sight of the Tamyrlin sitting on the throne, face black with coal, was a bit odd. Why didn’t he get some younglings to shovel the coal for him? He probably didn’t trust anyone any longer when it came to the running of the Board.
“Ah, Frenzy”, the Tamyrlin said getting up to greet her. “I’m glad you came.” I have this problem with coal, you see.” He looked at her work boots. “I see you are dressed to the occasion too! Now, I think I have a shovel for you…” Frenzy could hardly believe her own ears. He expected her to shovel coal? It would be an intelligent day at the Asmoboard before that happened. “I fear you mistake my intentions with coming here”, Frenzy all but snarled. “I’m dressed to the occasion, all right, but the occasion isn’t shovelling coal like some two souler.” She swiftly raised her right foot and kicked a discarded post to the other end of the hall with her steel-toed boot.
The Tamyrlin looked disappointed. “I need some help with this”, he muttered. “There has to be something with the coal. I’ve been shovelling day and night, but nothing helps.” He sighed. “If only Garet Jax were here. A badger would know what to do.”
Frenzy shook her head. “That is why I’m the Dark Amyrlin and not you”, she told the Tamyrlin. “Yes, I know, you are the Tamyrlin, but you are still a wool head if you don’t see that we don’t need Garet Jax in this. There are other badgers around.” Tamyrlin looked at her. “You mean Infidel Badger?” He said. “He is..well.. An infidel! Can we trust him?” Frenzy shrugged. “Trust is such a strange word”, she said finally. “If you mean trust him with our lives: no. If you mean trust him with evaluating a shipment of coal: yes. At least I think we can; he has been displaying some peculiar behaviour at Moonshadow’s Bored”
The Tamyrlin seemed convinced. “Peculiar behaviour”, he said. “Show me one Theorylander who doesn’t display peculiar behaviour. Can you get hold of this dweller of the underground, though?” Frenzy walked over to the great window and looked at the dead board. It was a sad sight indeed. Theoryland, her Theoryland, lying desolated. Something obviously had to be done, but she didn’t believe in Tammy’s coal theory. There was a more sinister force behind this. “Of course I can get hold of him”, she told the Tamyrlin. “Anyone can manage that. I haven’t got time, though. I have other matters to attend to. Get someone else to do it. Goldylocks and Watcher will do just fine.”
Goldeneyes was lazy. This was, as Watcher knew very well, nothing new. It was also why he had Eilonwy as his companion on the quest charged by the Dark Amyrlin. The charming young woman was far better company than the grumpy would-be lord, but he did miss Goldy’s night vision; Infidel’s tunnels were darker than the Pit of Doom. Where could this no-good badger be hiding himself? Suddenly he stumbled over something. “Cursed roots”, he heard himself mumble. He was sure this never happened to Uno; he had a star.
“Look at this, Watcher”, Eilonwy’s voice said from the dark behind him. “I think we have found Infidel. He seems to be sleeping.” He was lying on the ground? Watcher thought. Highly irregular! He should be standing in attention for an NCO. He heard some low snoring now. And he smelled cheap booze. A drunk badger. Now he had seen just about everything. “I don’t think he will be able to tell us much about the quality of Tammy’s coal”, Eilonwy sighed. “I suppose we had to expect this. He is an Infidel.”
Watcher nodded. So much for this mission. Infidel wouldn’t be sober for days. To think he had left the Bar ‘n grill unattended just for this. Eilonwy was already on her way out; he qucikly hurried after.
Spidy knelt in the Land of Madmen, and for once he did not care that Firseal watched him tremble with that sleepy gaze. “May I have another beer?” The bartender’s laughter filled Spidy’s head.
The Tamyrlin wore a worried frown on his forehead and he paced up and down his mighty hall. He had been sure a badger would be the solution to all their problems. It seemed, however, that the badgers were a very untrustworthy lot. He shook his head. Frenzy might be right; they might have to go out and find a new message board. Whom should he ask to go? The Chosen all seemed occupied with other matters right now. Should he go himself? He stopped to look at his wardrobe. It had certainly been a while since he had been out in the field himself; his fold-up throne was covered with dust.
“Are you going somewhere?” Frenzy’s familiar voice chimed behind him. “Eilonwy told me that the badger-project turned out to be a dead end.” The Tamyrlin sighed. “Yes, I suppose I have to go looking for a new board again. Can’t say I’m looking forward to it.” Frenzy wore a poorly concealed grin on her face. “Then you’d better get packing”, she said. “Because I’m coming with you.” The Tamyrlin started protesting, but Frenzy cut him off. “You know very well,” she said, “that no one has been posting at more WOT-boards than I. Are you coming, or do I have to go by myself?” The Tamyrlin spread out his hands. There was no point in arguing with the Dark Amyrlin when she really had set her mind on something. He slowly put the Nine Rods of Dominion into his old backpack.
Spidy slowly got up from his banana lounge. A cup of kaf was what he needed now.
“I should have brought with me Bela to carry all the heavy equipment”, Tamyrlin thought to himself as he hurried after Frenzy. He was getting too old for this, and his backpack was too heavy. He could really use a pack mule right now. When he had suggested it to Frenzy, though, she had only muttered something about glue and insisted that they went alone. This was the eight day since the board went dead; they really had to find a new board soon. If this went on, they would have to settle for the land of the hamsters once more.
They had been to quite a few boards now, but none of them had so far deserved to be the home of the brilliance that was Theoryland. He halted a moment and looked around. There were certainly a lot of WOT-related places out there! From where he stood, he could see the White Tower, the home of posters like Brighton and Blaise. A gloomy place it was, but not as bad as the other place he could see in the distance: the Asmoboard, home of the snitch. He could almost smell the foul reek of stupidity coming from there. Stupidity and rejoice. Rejoice of Theoryland’s trouble, not doubt.
He shook his head and looked at Frenzy, she was waiting impatiently; if he didn’t get a move on, she would no doubt start yanking her braid. He was just about to follow her, when something caught his attention. A sign, out here? How odd! This was the last place he had expected to see signs. He approached it with curiosity. “Ez boards, guaranteed free from hamsters and Else! All Lords of Boards are welcome!” This might be worth checking into.