*A doorstop. Trust me, it works great. I used mine to hold the door open as I unloaded the many other gifts my students gave me.
*A classroom prize. Students just LOVE the idea of fruitcake as the ultimate prize during the christmas bingo game.
*Freeze it. As a single person, it would help my freezer to look full and people would think that I actually ate at home.
*Bird food. Fruitcake is considered a delicacy (just like cat in china--gross!) to the poor little birds that can't remember to fly south and stay here during the blasted windchills. Just put it out on the deck and watch them flock and chirp with excitement!
*If it has a hole in the middle I use it for a dog dish
*Once I got a flat tire and my mini-spare was flat as well. It was a good thing that grandma's fruitcake was along. I just shoved it onto the wheel studs, bolted 'er down and it got me to a gas station. Of course, the best use for fruitcakes is when you get one for a gift, you simply save it until the following year and give it to someone else.
*I use it to prop up Amos [my fat cat] sometimes.
*I recycle it as a gift to more people (incidentally, you can do the same with gift baskets. Just take out all the good stuff, wrap it in Saran Wrap and send it on to the next person. Hmmm.. Maybe that's why gift baskets never have anything nice in them...)
*If you get enough fruitcakes you can build a wall.
*Bookends.
*lampshades.
*You can hit burglars with them.
*Some people put them on chairs for kids to sit on to reach the table.
*fly swatter.
*VCR head cleaner.
*percussion practice.
*I use it as a weight in the back of my car, to keep me from sliding on the ice...
*Fruit cake as an animal tranquilizer. Feed it too your pet and they won't move for days afterward....they'll be too HEAVY to move for days afterward. (Caution- use in small doses. Fruit cake is just as hazardous to animals as it is to humans.)
*let the fruitcake harden to an absolute solid, then strategically place yourself on the roof of a high building from which your intended target shall soon emerge. a silent, untraceable, unexpected, undetectable deadly weapon. plus, if you get caught you might even plea it as an accident.
*I leave it outside for the hungry animals. [Talk about cruelty to animals!!]
*I would use my fruitcake to take care of all the Mac problems in the Fargo School District.
*Make Christmas ornaments out of them!
*Use them as a cat littler scoop!
*Kitty litter (if it's so old it crumbles)
*Send fruitcake to anyone who does NOT respond to your request for ideas on alternate uses of fruitcake! [Hey all of you unmotivated people out there-- if you get a fruit cake in the mail, it wasn't from me. I repeat: It was NOT from me]
*Break them up and disperse them on the icy streets instead of salt or sand, which are hard on cars.
*Use fruitcake to "anesthetize" your little sister when she has a little to much energy.
*I'm really sorry to hear about all these weird people who don't like fruitcake. You must hang out with an unusual bunch of people, or they just haven't been exposed to the exquisite delights of Christmas dining. Since I'm the only one who likes the stuff, I must be considered an elitist. (I heard you mumble, "weirdo")
*use it as a decorative base for a miniature Christmas tree (it's certainly dense enough to hold a tree steady - and it has that lovely brown look of a tree trunk)
*a energy-saving replacement for coal in someone's Christmas stocking (I mean, really, the coal can be put to much better use, whereas there is not better use for a fruitcake)
*It would also make a heating stone--warm it up and use it to warm your bed.
*Hey, I like fruitcake:-) [Ha Ha]
*It's actually another kind of superconductor, so power companies use it.
*Substitute sandbag
*Boat anchor
*Dartboard
*Fill in pot-holes
*Sponge
*Speedbump
*I hid my camera and other valuables under a piece of fruitcake so thieves won't touch it.
*Discus (or shot put depending on weight)
*flatened out fruitcake doubles nicely as a mouse pad.
*force-feed it to cousins who force silly answers out of people via the internet