*Does
the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
*If
you're born again, do you have two belly-buttons?
*What
happens when none of your bees wax?
*Why
is there an expiration date on sour cream?
*Since
light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak?
*Why
do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
*I
almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
*Many
people quit looking for work when they find a job.
*Everyone
has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
*Energizer
Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
*What
happens if you get scared half to death twice?
*
When an agnostic dies, does he go to the "great perhaps"?
*
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
*
Do you think Houdini ever locked his keys in his car?
*
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
*
Have you ever wondered why just one letter makes all the difference between
here and there?
*
When you go into a hotel you always see reception. Why do you never just see
ception?
*
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of
them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
*
Isn't it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take
economists seriously?
*
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
*
Why is there always one in every crowd?
*
Why do we say something is out of whack?
What is a whack?
*
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
*
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
*
Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
It's just stale bread to begin with.
*
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the
longest sentence?
*
If there were a bank holdup, would the teller be the main witness?
*
When apes have company over, does the company sleep in apricots?
* If
lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
*
Why don't they tell hair-raising stories to bald men?
* I
used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the
place.
*
Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee
table. They couldn't help me.
*
When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child .
. . eventually.
*
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same
room and let them fight it out.
* I
wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the
radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that."
* If
you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become
disoriented?
* If
people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called
"Holes"?
* Why
is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe
you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet
Paint
you will have to touch it to be sure?
* So
if Darth Vader married Ella Fitzgerald would she become Ella Vader?
*
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients BUT dishwashing liquid
contains real lemons?
*
Why buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
*
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
*
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
*
In America, why are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
*
In America, why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the
store to get their prescriptions.
*
In America, why do people order double cheeseburgers, a large fries and a
"diet coke".
*
In America, why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and
leave useless junk in the garage.
*
In America, why do we buy hot dogs in pkgs. of eight and buns in pkgs. of 10.
*
In America, why do we use the word "politics" to describe the process
so well:
*
In America, why do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens.
*
Why does "poli" mean "many" in Latin and "tics" mean
"blood-sucking creatures"?