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Ranch. I took the job on agreement that I would need one week to visit "family" or "relatives" (I forget which exactly I used). It had all been arranged with the support group SDA Kinship International Inc. I was to fly from Columbia South Carolina to Chicago, then on to Portland Oregon. I was scared and excited at the same time. What if the plane crashed or something, and I had not exactly told a clear story about my plans? I'd be "lost"! And what if homosexuality really was the sin above all other sins? I was terrified and excited at the same time.

It was at the airport that I prayed again a new kind of prayer. Not one pleading for God to change me. That one I'd prayed for years, with no "change". No, this prayer directed at that false "tyrant god" that had been put in my head from an early age, by concerned religious people. I more or less prayed the following to that voice of tyrany: "Listen. I've prayed to you, studied the Bible, memorized promises, cried and done religious penance for my inner feelings and still no change. I am going to Portland. You can make the plane crash if you want or send me to hell, but I'm not going to live in this spiritual isolation, terror and persecution anymore."

So I flew, attended Kinship's "Kampmeeting", met wonderful people, and even began to truly consider gay love. Additionally, it was the beginning of my re-education about biblical inspiration, interpretation, and application in the Christian church. It was a mountain-top experience. It was at Kampmeeting '89 that I truly realized my homosexuality in its beauty. I no longer had to choose between my physical/relationship desires and my spirituality, I could be complete, just as I was.

This I know. Slowly, yet surely God has brought me to where I am. The only thing I have to fear about my future, is that I might forget from where and how God has led me in the past.

goodguy_Sea@yahoo.com
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