Dad – It is hard to believe that my father is 60 years old. He is like Abraham, patriarch of many children. This alone of course is not peculiar. What is peculiar, is that he has been a true father to us all. I am so thankful that my father has never fit any of the negative images that are typically shown of what African American males are like. I have learned so much from him, while he is far from perfect, I know he’s a good and faithful man! My sibling say that me and my dad sound just alike in our voice. And of course we both can be stubborn in our convictions. Daddy is so funny, he used to correct our speech - you know, person and number agreement and all that. There is so much more that I could write about this amazing man.

Mom – My step-mom met and dated my father during the later part of my high school years, when I was away at a boarding school. Don’t get any ideas – it wasn’t at all “posh”. I’ve never lived with her as I went right from high school to college in a different state. They tried to get me to attend a school closer to New York where they were setting up house, but I was not going to get in that wintry mess! Mom is very talented and resourceful, in different ways than my birth mom, but still she’s the best.

Mommy – My late mother died in 1983. I think she was 39 or 40. I had never experienced such pain as what I felt in seeing her sick and then losing her because of breast cancer. And this was before women’s health issues – let alone breast cancer – had really been given the attention it deserved. Even now, there is need for more attention here. She was the sweetest, most loving person. I miss her.

I’m just now beginning to appreciate the mystery that sisters are esp. as they have to grow up in a male dominated world. I was always the protective brother to my sisters. I knew what the straight guys talked about among themselves, I knew what they thought and did, and didn’t like it that my sisters might be prey to any of those buzzards!

"Steph" – This is my older sister. Stephanie is one of the most precious people to me, in part because she is the closest in age to me of my entire sibling. We went through puberty more or less together. Also, she has had to overcome a lot of pressure and disadvantages like her weight. I admire her for her efforts as a single mother. My nephew is as beautiful as his mother is. She has the greatest sense of humor.

"Rell" – This is my younger sister. She is so sweet, or at least that’s the side I like to focus on. :) Sherrill is another sibling who has made sure that I stay a very busy uncle. It is unfortunate, but she too has had to go on her own to do what is right by her and for her children. However, it is a close draw between Sherrill and Stephanie as to which of them makes me laugh the most. Sherrill has a wild sense of humor and we sometimes spark each other off, back and forth, till our stomachs hurt. Both she and Stephanie were the first to “come around” after the initial problems between my family and I, upon my “coming out”.

Justina – My father and step-mom got the idea that they wanted to have a child together. As nature would have it, they got more than they bargained for. But when one of the bargains is sweet princess Justina, the price isn’t at all too ‘expensive’. She has grown up so fast or I have been standing still too long. She is learning to play the piano and get into the wonderful troubles of early adolescence.

Ray – Ray is cool and looks a lot like my father – that funny nose and all. He has experienced a lot, some good, some not so good. I admire him for not letting himself go, and I’m in awe that there is some sort of force called love to bring families back together. He works with my step-mom in a family business.

Bobby – I grew up being “Bobby’s little brother”. I often wanted to shout out, “Wait, don’t I have an identity of my own?!” It was fun being “B’s LB” though, I got his sharp cloths whenever I could grow into them and they were still in style. Okay, at least some of them were still in style! Bobby also was Mr. Music and Athlete. I think I owe some of my love for both, to him. He recently cut a Christmas CD that is the bomb! At first I was like, “Is that my brother?”, then it was “THAT’s my brother!” Bobby is married to the wonderful Adrian – they both are educators – and they have two huge kids who are probably bigger than me now.

Justin – Justin is the other half of the dynamic duo. He too has grown so much and so fast! I have to re-meet him ever time I visit. It seems as thought I have been standing still as this little tike grew from pampers and pacifier to Nintendo computer games, basketball, and school – and unfortunately in that order of interest. However, I hear that he likes the piano, so maybe all is not lost.

Tony1* - Tony1 is one of the newer friends I met at the Soft. We were total strangers, brought together by a photo shoot for The Advocate Magazine (a gay magazine). We shared a 'hi' and the first of many laughs, and years of shared lunches have followed – whenever he is not globe trotting or swamped in work for a new "show". We both grew up on the East Coast and talk about how nice it is to return there for a visit then come back home to the West Coast. Now if only I can get my parents to do like Tony's parents and move back out here...

Tony2* - Tony2 found me through the Internet, or did I find him? I can't remember. Anyway, he was considering attending the University of Washington for graduate school and was planning a visit. He and his mom came out for a long weekend and he and I had lunch. We have kept in touch ever since and he will soon be moving to town. Like 'Tony1', 'Tony2' amuses me by making me feel that I sometimes say important and humorous things that are worth listening to. Thank you.

Jerry* – Jerry is 32, college educated, and is originally from a small town a couple of hours east of Seattle. I met Jerry here in Seattle, through a personals ad. We used to go biking together, but now it’s just a lunch or movie now and then. We both took on major changes at the same time in 1997. I quit work and returned to school, and he quit one career path and entered a completely different one. He hates that he looked through the personals and found me. I think he feels that placing and responding to person ads are beneath his dignity. :) Anyway, we have lunch every now and then. He is gay, single (still), out to his family and is pretty involved with them. Though they live all over the place, they call, visit and so forth. They love him a lot.

Terry – I met Terry at the big Soft through the GLBT employee group. When you join, you have to send a message saying something about who you are. Well, in mine I wrote that I was from the Seventh-day Adventist religious background, or that I just arrived from an SDA college. Whatever, I can’t remember. Well, Terry is also from the SDA religious background. He whipped off an email to me, and the rest is history. I can’t say how old Terry is – he’s ageless, and a very good friend to have.

Yvette – Yvette is like my sister. I love her so much. We met at Walla Walla College (WWC) through a music group called “Liberty”. Having the music group Liberty was one thing that the small club for ethnic minority students did. Yvette played a brief but significant roll in helping me get on my feet when I was sinking in school bills and small town work wasn’t keeping me afloat let along getting me ahead. Long story short – she swooped me up in her wings when the big Soft called on her. I will always be in debt to her. But she’s my sister, so repaying her is not really a duty – it’s a privilege. Yvette is spoken for. She and her guy flew to Jamaica to visit her folks this past Christmas. I hope things work out for them. NEWS FLASH: Love is sweeping the country! Yvette and Kurt are getting married.

Judy and Sam – I also met Sam and Judy through Liberty at WWC. They are one of the cutest couples! They are Filipino, and should now have the cutest little baby boy or girl. I haven’t seen them in a while. I hope to though – the next time I visit their church in the Seattle area.

Hal* – Hal is very special to me. He’s from Chicago. He’s pretty cute too for his age. (Hal don’t take that the wrong way! :) Hal met me when I was still a twinkie in college (my first time around), before I moved out west. He was quit a few years older than me, and actually tried to avoid me, but I was not to be denied! Poor Hal didn’t have a chance. Part of my initial attraction to Hal was that he too had grown up in the SDA church. I haven’t seen him in years but we talk on the phone and send letters as often as we can.

Ricardo* – I was smitten. That’s a good catch-all phrase to describe the first time I saw Ricardo. I was so attracted to him at first because he is so unbelievably handsome. But then I was a total “gonner” when as I got to know him, he showed that he had absolutely no attitude that so many nice looking people have – gay men seem to be especially prone to this. There is so much more to this fairy tale meeting but I will save it for my book. Ricardo and I became boyfriends and I felt that if I weren’t careful, I’d find myself spending the rest of my life in an unbelievably loving and refreshing relationship with an incredibly handsome and humble guy. But the Immigration and Naturalization Service rules helped break us up. I think the pain I felt at that time, was right up there with the pain I felt when my mother died. Ricardo and I have kept in touch – off and on – over a number of years and from far too many miles. I think he is still has the same boyfriend he met after returning to his country. I cherish his friendship.

Shawn* - I met Shawn through a pen pal list or something. We have never met in person after how many years! He lives in the southwestern part of the United States. Shawn was/is bisexual, and one of those jock athlete-types. I think he’s come a long way in accepting himself. We have a casual friendship, sending jokes and stuff like that every now and then. I must say that I had at time thought about dating him. I was too scared to pursue it though, thinking that I wasn’t his type – which I’m probably not anyway. I think he’s getting serious with a guy he met in town.

I have to at least make a space for people who really “took me in” as it were, when I played music at the Kirkland SDA Church. Over half of them played a major part in the music of the church, the remodeling of the building and one was the preacher and another the preachers’ wife! They are not in any particular order: Elsie, Jan/Norm; Gary/Udell; Twila/Vern, Mark; Laura/Bruce.

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