Alvin was surprised to see Carl Thomson, still tall, still as dark as midnight and still handsome. His buddy, Carl Thomson, two states away and five years removed from their youthful days at Canoga Springs Academy, a small boarding school on the edge of the Southern California sprawl. Alvin and Carl had met at academy, played ball together and even double dated on occasion. As Alvin remembered it, Carl had gone on to graduate from a church college in Alabama, where he'd met a girl, gotten married and become a popular minister. Alvin had attended a different church school, studying business.

There at the mall, Carl held an infant in his arms, as he introduced his wife. He seemed to have only aged days, not years, in spite of the small ministerial tummy that was growing where the flat basketball player's stomach once was. Renee or "Sister Thomson" was a strikingly beautiful woman whose green eyes and golden skin unabashedly testified to amalgamation. At 5'9" her head was almost near to Carl's… her husband's shoulder.

"Just like Adam and Eve." It was the story of the first humans, the creation story. Eve stood head to shoulder shorter than Adam, Alvin remembered. Someone had told this to him years ago even though Alvin couldn't later find the information in the Bible. He laughed inside realizing how silly a point it was. Nobody really knew for sure that there was even an 'Adam' and 'Eve'. What Alvin did know was that he liked being 'Adam', he liked shorter guys. How had he survived, trying to like women in that way while it was guys who turned his head?

Alvin and Carl caught up on old times, the ball games, and the social probation for sneaking out the dorms at night or for breaking into the cafeteria for a midnight snack. In keeping with church belief about diet, there were no snack machines provided anywhere at school. Ty and Renee looked on, smiling, laughing or asking each other a question or two. It was almost as if two married couples were together having a good time.

"So are you married?" Carl asked. He didn't know that his question came like a bucket of ice water dumped on top of Alvin and Ty. Ty held his breath. He knew that the follow-up questions would come soon.

As usual, Alvin introduced Ty as his friend. However he did confirm that he was "kind of seeing someone", leaving out specific details like gender. He made the relationship with this someone seem as casual and insignificant as possible, that way Carl and Renee might be hoping to meet her.

As Alvin answered, Ty's brown eyes locked in on Alvin's hazel ones just long enough as if to say, "See, I told you so." It wasn't a look of judgement, just a look that meant neither Alvin or Ty should dream crazy dreams about things ever getting to be the same for two guys like them as they were for heterosexual lovers.

Carl and Renee were in town visiting her parents. Carl didn't know if he'd get to see Alvin again while they were there except for at church.

"Are you still with the church?" Carl asked.

The question caught Alvin off guard. It had been years since he'd needed to explain his religious life, or rather lack of one, to anyone from his old days. "Church is just politics and hypocrisy" he reminded family and friends, except for Carl Thomson. Alvin couldn't bring himself to say those words to his old buddy's face. "I mean, it would ruin old times." Alvin thought, trying to justify to himself.

"Ah, well." Alvin began, all the while, smiling and trying to find the right words to use.

"Oh Alvin, man! You don't go to church anymore?" Carl exclaimed in both disappointment and acceptance. It wasn't lost on Alvin, Ty or Renee. Carl hated to think that his buddy from the old days, Alvin Guzman was no longer with the church. It was like a family member leaving the family. However, Carl didn't want to preach at Alvin. In fact he'd begun to expect this response among young people he encountered. It was unfortunate and sad news hearing it from the masses. It was disappointing to hear it from Alvin. It hurt.

"I know, I know man!" Alvin tried to help. "I could explain some things to you sometime." It was all he could offer.

"I'm not gonna go up in your meeting man cause I might have to walk out. I'm not gonna do that to you." Alvin thought. He knew Carl was inviting him to church that weekend. He wished Carl could read thoughts, at least that one.

"Listen Alvin, no need to explain. We'd love to see you again if you should be at church this weekend", replied Carl. Renee jumped in with "Or maybe swing by the house real quick afterwards. My mother and I are fixing a big dinner. You're more than welcome."

Renee had noticed a few of the glances that Alvin and Ty had passed back and forth between them and suspected that either they were extremely close friends or something more was there. On impulse, she offered the invitation to dinner. Alvin seemed like a very nice guy to Renee. She knew how close Carl and Alvin had been in academy and hoped to somehow help them re-connect.

"Well, thank you. I appreciate it. I do", replied Alvin. He didn't want to commit, but he didn't want to refuse either. Carl and Renee left and Alvin and Ty finished off their food.

"You still want to get those skates?" asked Alvin as they dumped their trash. Alvin didn't feel like skating right then, perhaps having Ty hold him while they reclined on the couch at either one of their apartments. Alvin was grateful for Ty not mention the introductions between they and the Thompsons. He hated when he contradicted himself. Even though he was playful with Ty about being together in public, it wasn't a joke to him – it was serious and he knew it.

"You don't sound so enthusiastic," Ty said, knowing that Alvin was thinking about the whole incident just then.

"Well, you're right. We can still get the skates though even if we don't use them today." replied Alvin.

After returning some of the excess purchases, they got the skates and headed for home.

"You want to go by Seward Park, just to walk?" asked Ty. The crowds would be smaller around there than at Green Lake or at the beaches. It was also away from the places where men cruised.

Alvin smiled, reaching up to knead the back of Ty's neck. "Yes, let's go."

They went. Ty even dared to sneak a hug along the lakeside trail when the coast seemed clear. Later when the coast seemed clear again, Alvin did a quick setup for a kiss, turning Ty's head and lining up his mouth to Ty's all in a flash. Both of them realized how un-closeted they really were in some ways. Some guys would never dare to take the little risks they did. It was fun though, hugging and kissing in public at the risk of danger, however much they schemed to minimized the chances of experiencing it.

The possibility of danger was still there, and so was the thrill. It was perverse and maybe that's the way society wanted it. Maybe society was responsible for a lot of perverse desires and activities. What other options were there?

Back at Ty's place, Ty held Alvin in his arms.

"You okay?" Ty asked, now able to start working through the meeting with the Thompsons.

"I think I am" Alvin answered. It was all he could promise, but it was good enough for Ty. They were still together.

They plopped down onto the couch, Ty sitting up with his back against an arm of it, while Alvin lay down on his back, between Ty's legs. His head rested in the dip between Ty's stomach and chest. Ty's hands moved over Alvin's head, his ears and shoulders, and over Alvin's own chest. Both guys were silent.

Ty reached for the stereo remote and found the station that played evening "light's down" jazz music… that mood music for lovers. The music was perfect for silence, as both Alvin and Ty listened to and felt each other's breathing.

Homosexuality. This was homosexuality, the lights down, the reclining and holding, sneaking hugs and kisses in public, the breathing… cuddling and listening to the breathing of the beloved… man to man or woman to woman.

Alvin and Ty eventually talked through about the whole encounter of that evening. Nothing was resolved other than their agreement that being two guys in love was difficult.

"Yea, it's difficult." said Alvin. "But it's what I want. I know how to work for what I want." A few moments passed before Alvin continued. "You Ty, you are what, who I want." Ty squeezed his arms around Alvin's chest and gave him a tight hug as best he could from the position they were in.

Silence fell between the two of them as the jazz continued softly in the background.

"I love you Alvin." Ty said.

Alvin savored the words for a moment, and then he was up and turned around face to face with Ty.

"Say it again, please?" Alvin asked, looking deep into the chocolate sea of Ty's eyes.

Ty laughed. Rubbing his hands up and down Alvin's strong arms. Ty said it again. But "I love yo…" was all he could get out before Alvin was upon him, lips caressing lips, arms surrounding Ty and pulling both their bodies together. It was as if Alvin was trying to squeeze their bodies into one.

Alvin's kiss was a hungry one. He tasted the inside of Ty's mouth, feeling Ty's tongue dance with his own.

"Am I'm your homosexual?" the panting Alvin asked between kisses. "Am I'm your homo, baby?"

Alvin loved taking taboo and derogatory words society used against them to turn them around and make them holy, power-terms. Each name, 'homo', 'fag', 'sissy' that Alvin used he removed the shame and inserted his own meaning. He was a 'homo', a masculine homo no lower in glory than a straight man. He was a 'fag' yes, a fag with power and determination.

"Yes," answered Ty. "Yes!"

"Tu amor!" whispered Alvin in Spanish.

Now wasn't a time of resistance, but if Ty was ever closed-off and cold to Alvin, Alvin coming to him lovingly speaking Spanish would weaken his resistance. Alvin's promise of love was not an empty one. Ty knew this, and like an access card, it opened up opportunities.

Ty spread his legs, allowing Alvin to lay upon him, they both still fully clothed on the couch.

Back and forth they talked, enjoying the freedom, power, and ecstasy that came with verbally confessing what was happening between them.

The love making that night was long and intense. It was not always that Alvin and Ty truly cried tears of joy and healing during sex. Sometimes it was just play and happiness, like little bear cubs in the shadow of the mamma bear. Other times it was pure healing, asking for forgiveness and forgiving all under the wings of God. Tonight as it had been on a couple of other occasions, everything was happening all at once. The bedroom was no longer a place on earth, but the very heart of heaven. Both Ty and Alvin couldn't help thinking a perverse thought – that God and the angles were there and all was right and love.

Copyright note: This story may be freely re-posted over the internet exactly as it appears, including authorship credit, provided *this* paragraph is also included intact. For any other use or form of reproduction or distribution, please obtain the author’s written permission in advance. Copyright © 1998-99 by Marcus Stringer
Email: goodguy_Sea@yahoo.com
Website: http://geocities.datacellar.net/~mhaven/.