Yeah, its a story I wrote by myself... which is a major accomplishment on my part!!! It was written right after mom and dad found out I was gay... tailored after a dream I use to have way too often. That dream stop coming when the 'rents found out about me so I decided to write it down so that I would always remember my dream lover. Hope you enjoy it.
It wasn't supposed to be this way!!
For Christ's sakes, we were supposed to adopt and raise children together. Boy and a girl, somewhere on the Californian coast. It would have been forever… it should have been forever. Dammit Jeff, you had to go away. It was my fault wasn't it? It was because I had to go to the Philippines with my family, huh? I'm so sorry love. I never meant to hurt you but you know why I had to go. Huh, in a way you could say it was my folks fault but I guess that wouldn't be fair. Now your gone…
Man I guess its time for me to make my peace and let you go. Its so hard Jeff, you can't imagine what it's been like without you. Remember what they use to call us? The Romeo and Juliet of the 90s. All cause we took that one balcony scene a lil too far that day in Drama class. Ha, remember the look on old Mr. Jenkets face when he took a look over the side of the balcony to see if we were okay? Man we were really going at it. I've never forgotten that moment and I'm pretty sure Mr. Jenkets hasn't either. Jeeze now that I think about it, we were always trying to satisfy each other's lust and love. That weekend we spent together at Motel 6 was probably the best time ever, dontcha think Jeff? Wonder if the maids had any trouble cleaning up after us. I mean it isn't everyday that they have two lustful boys go at it non-stop, arms grappling, tongues twisting and caressing. I still have the picture we took then, two young bodies glistening with sweat lying in the other's arms. We had something special Jeff, thats for sure.
I'm not sure how I ended up with you Jeff. You had a dozen boys to pick from and yet for some kooky reason you chose me. That one day when you came to the Student Orientation at school and asked me for a private tour was like something out of a dream. You came over in your black Nike shorts and Nike tee with your blond floppy hair glistening in the sun as it kept falling over your eyes and those sharp Ray Bans covering your gorgeous blue eyes. Damn, I thought you were some daydream of mine. You asked for a tour since you were new to the area, remember Jeff? I acted like a fool, sputtering a hasty "yes" and you kept smiling that captivating smile. How could I say no? Then instead of talking about the school we talked about each other and what we were like and stuff. I dunno but some how we ended up in the boy's locker room. Sometimes I wonder if I lead us there or if you did but I was surprised when I finally took my eyes of you and found out that we where in the locker room. Than as if one of my fantasies were reality you reached over and kissed me Jeff, remember? I never forgot the look on your face as we kissed cause I'm pretty sure I had the same look on mine. Right then when we kissed, your face looked so content and happy… it was if you were trying to tell me 'Your the one'. I love you so much Jeff… you were right, I was the one for you and you were the one for me.
After that we weren't the same. I guess we should have tried to be a lil more polite around others but I was in love and there wasn't anything that could have torn me away from you. I guess it was the same for you too Jeff. Good God, remember all the calls we made to each other? Man that was crazy, one right after another. Mom would always make fun of us. Good thing she found out that I was gay before I meet you, eh Jeff? I think she would have passed away from all the things that we did. That balcony scene… the steamy trip in the changing room of Macy's… woo hoo I never had enough of you Jeff. We use to hold hands all the time and we looked out for each other. Remember when Dexter tried to beat me up at school cause he was a lil homophobic? He still can't believe we double teamed him and didn't get busted for it. In fact, he keeps telling me that I'm lucky you were around than to help me out or else he would still be harassing me. I think we got his respect then.
But I guess my trip to the Philippines was to much for you Jeff. I knew that we would both be hurting from the separation. Jeeze the longest we were ever apart was 3 LONG days and I barely made it without you. I'm just confused Jeff. Why did you hafta go and start taking drugs? I can't forget my horror when I read the letter from your sister Jenna. She was worried about you Jeff and that scared me even more. You know how strong headed Jenna is. Remember when one of her boyfriends was known for forcing lays from women and we tried to warn her about him? She was like 'Don't worry, I can take care of myself' and when he finally made his move on her she crippled the boy for a month. Well, knowing how worried she was about you I convinced my parents to send me back to Cali to help you out. Um, I hafta tell you something. I told Jenna not to tell you that I was coming back to help. I wasn't sure if you would be pissed off about it if you knew the reason for why I was coming back but I did it for you cause I love you. I hope you forgive me for that one. Anyway when I stepped out of the terminal you scared the hell out of me. For crying out loud Jeff, you looked like something from the 'Night of the Living Dead' and I knew then that you were taking drugs. That wavy blond hair that I use to kiss and run my fingers through was now dull and matted to your head, your eyes lacked that fiery spark, even your smile that made me melt each time was reduced to a limp grin. I was scared Jeff. Scared for you and scared that I might lose you. When we hugged and kiss, I saw the spark in your eyes start to come back and I prayed, Lord did I pray, that I made it in time to help. Ha… I was too late though. You crumpled in my arms and all I can remember was being pulled off of you as others came to help. The ride back to the hospital and in the hospital itself was like a walking nightmare. I watched helplessly as you laid helpless and all those nurses and doctors put needles and IVs and administered tests. I can't explain to you Jeff how I felt. I was crying and beating myself up at the same time. I couldn't believe this was for real.
When your family arrived, Jenna pulled me aside and told me everything that had happened while I was gone. She told me about how depressed you were till you met a couple of kids new to the area. She said they looked like bad news but you seemed to cheer up so she left it alone till you started to change, both mentally and physically. That was when she wrote me. God Jeff… I couldn't believe that in only three weeks you poured enough drugs into your healthy and beautiful body to create this. I remember Jenna and I spent every night with you, I holding one hand and she holding the other. Then it happened, I knew it was going to happen but I didn't want to believe it. Three nights after you were admitted to the hospital, you flat lined and died. Jenna and I were there Jeff, even when the doctors came in they couldn't stop us from holding on to your hand. We told they doctors that we were trying to will some of our own life force into you but really the truth was that we couldn't let you pass on alone. After that the nightmare continued. Two days later we had your viewing and you know what Jeff? Those so-called 'friends' of yours came by and guess what they wanted? They asked for some of the money that you owed to pay off the guy who sold you guys the drugs. Then and there, Jeff, me and Jenna saw a chance to redeem your dignity. Ha if you were watching Jeff, you would have been laughing as hard as Jenna and I were. They threatened to cut us if they didn't get their money and we just laughed and knocked down one of them. The others got pissed and closed in on us but we were far from the idea of getting hurt. All we could think of was what they pressured you to do and that was enough for us. Dude, I couldn't believe it when I saw them take off. I didn't think that they could run that fast stoned but I guess when you practice running from the dealers it becomes second nature. We got them for you, Jeff. They run now when they see us on the street but we don't have any intention of hurting them. Well after chasing them 'friends' away the viewing went fine. Everybody came from school to give their condolences to your family and me, even Mr. Jankets, who brought up the balcony story again. That got everybody laughing and for that one moment I realized that you really weren't dead and that you still lived among us. They even came to the funeral. Dude Jeff, you owe us for all that money we spent trying to feed all them guests. Everybody loved you, as did I, but they couldn't equal the love I have for you.
Well Jeff… I have all these memories of us together. I'm trying not to say goodbye but to just say I'll see you later. You know Jeff, nobody can ever take your place but they are trying now. Remember that cute queenie Alester? Well, I'll tell you whats happened so far. A week after your funeral, Jenna and I started a support group on campus and around town. It is big and it continues to grow as we talk about homosexuality and try to educate others about the dangers of drugs. Well Alester is apart of the group and so far he has been my best bud in trying to deal with your passing. Last night, um, he asked me out and right now I guess this is were I'm asking for permission. I wish that you didn't die but I hafta go on. I know it wasn't your fault taking drugs. I wish though that I didn't leave when I did but thats in the past huh? Well Jeff what do you say? Will you let me go?