How do I live my 'hobby' at the moment?

Rarely! (*sigh*)

I am married to a wonderful lady and we have two young kids. My wife knows about Béatrice since a little while now. She already had realized before I told her about it, that I was attracted to feminine things but she did not know how much I liked them. The most important thing I did when I came out to her was to destroy those (natural) fears she had:

a) would I be running after men, while dressed up?

b) was I a transsexual and go for hormones and surgery?

Well I could assure her that :

a) I never met a man who sexually attracted me (and I cannot even imagine " it ").

b) NOBODY ever will approch my private parts with a knife or something else which cuts !!

I can't say that she is enthousiastic about it now, but she now accepts that part of my personality and lets me do in her absence. She does not want to participate actively like going out with Béatrice or meeting other TV's. I do understand and accept this.

So, why do I do it then? I'd say: "to make me feel good"

A big part for me is that I am a fetishist..... my fetish are women! I just love to look at their beauty, at those clothes so different from our men's darb. So, one day I started to wonder how it would be to wear those things, and then, later, what a little make-up would do to me. I tried it and I loved it! I just love to put on the make-up, because it does so dramatic changes to the face. It is a pitty that men, in mens clothes, may not (because of society) put on a little mascara or lipstick. Of course, if you have to do it every day, then it becomes a pain, but it would be fun, for once in a while.

All dressed up and now ?

Once dressed up and maybe for once even (almost) happy with that image in the mirror, what then? The urge is to go out and do things that women do. But even the simplest things, those I don't even hesitate a split-second to do as a male, become enourmously difficult and scary to do.

And that starts already by leaving the house. There are the neighbours. If they " read " you (an expression commonly used in the TV scene if somebody realises that you are not, what you try to appear to be) then they will probably as well realise who that false girl is. Once out of the house, you might want to take a ride in your car. But you might have that car, that everybody knows and they start to wonder who is the driver today.

Where do you go to? The shopping mall? I've done that, I think it is a good choice to start with. It is just natural in shopping malls that women walk around window shopping (even unaccompagnied). You can even enter big department stores without being obliged to talk to somebody. In small shops, inevitably the shopkeeper will come and ask "can I help you?".

I've been to restaurants too, the first time was together with my friends from ABC, a french support group. The restaurants were informed before about the meeting, and accepted it. I have to say that staff was very friendly and other clients were, at the most, amused. (Even if you think you are passable, 20 TV's together in a restaurant don NOT pass as 20 GG's (generic girls)).

My next project was to get my 'tourist' photo taken in front of the Eiffel tower. I did that and other similar things recently, go to tourist photos if you want to hear the details and see some of the photos.

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