RETAIL FUCKING SUCKS!
Somebody left this in my car. I think everyone should see this so we can work together to undermine the workforce of corporate retail stores. It came off the internet somewhere but i have no idea where. anyway...
"Surlyhelp: The Reverend sanctimoniator in chief's guide to being a lousy employee.
Day jobs may be acceptable to small minded individuals; to them the only downside of employment is toil. But if you have any intelligence to be insulted you will surely find employment, and entry level employment in particular to be among the most degrading experiences of your life. Unfortunately, most of us will encounter one or two shitty retail jobs in our lives, but we don't have to just sit idly by and bear the indignities thrust upon us by the management. We can fight back by being lazy, slovenly, and rude. To help you avenge the slights you receive from your employer, I have set forth these guidelines to help you all be the lousy employees you can be.
1. If someone (a customer) asks you a stupid question, a question you don't want to answer, or a question you don't have an answer to, simply pretend to be retarded. They will go away.
2. If you work in foodservice, you can discourage people from eating in your establishment by standing behind the counter with your finger up your nose.
3. Think about sex any time your supervisor or manager is talking to you. (I have found that it is especially funny to think about your manager and various farm animals such as goats, chickens, cows, young children, etc. They will wonder why you are laughing.)
4. Look as disheveled as you can without being fired.
5. If you can get away with it, by all means steal!
6. When working in retail, force people paying by check to give you all sorts of personal information, not for fraud purposes, but just cause we like to watch them squirm.
7. Drink at work! Drink at work! Drink at work!
8. When they fire you, insist that they're only firing you because you're Black (unless you're Black, in which case insist that they're firing you just because you're Chinese) and then go apply immediately for a job at the business next door.
9. When customers inquire as to why company policies are in place, tell them that the policies in question are there because "we think it's funny".
10. If some asshole asks to speak to your manager, tell them that means you. They have no way of knowing any better. Chances are they'll leave in a snit. If they come back again later when there is an actual manager available, they'll look like some crazy that wandered in off the street.
11. Never, never, never let yourself be held accountable for anything."
please print this out and distribute it to anyone you know that has a job that sucks.
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