Blind Date

By Kallie Anderson

The characters of Willie, Maggie, Julia, Ezra and Carolyn belong to Dan Curtis. May he forgive me for what I am about to do to them.

Rated: Only slightly naughty, and a bit goofy.

"Bored Man Stalkin" Part 1

He caught a glimpse of her heading into the Piggly Wiggly and went into immediate stealth mode. The day had been a real yawner up until now. Nothing to do but knock back a few beers at The Blue Whale. But with a Maggie sighting, things were finally beginning to look up. After all, Maggie Evans was the main reason he was still hanging around this crazy town.

He swiftly crossed the street and gained entrance to the store. Scanning the scene, he caught sight of the object of his desire in Baked Goods. Decked out in her "oh so short" hot pink mini skirt, she was so bewitching that half the guys in the store were already on red alert.

Willie quickly concealed himself behind the magazine rack. Picking up a "MAD Magazine, he opened it at random to the latest adventures of "Spy Vs. Spy". Totally ignoring the cartoon, his soft grey-blue eyes peered longingly over the top of Alfred E Newman's smiling face, as his dream girl casually tossed a package of english muffins into her shopping cart.

He had been hopelessly in love with Maggie Evans from the moment he first beheld her gliding down the stairs in Josette's antique wedding gown. So totally had she captured his heart, that time and time again he had risked his own life to save her from harm. But alas, Maggie had never been the least bit interested in Willie Loomis. She preferred a more GQ type of guy, like Joe Haskell or the suave Nicholas Blair. Although dallying with him had nearly bought her a one way ticket to hell.

Moving to the end of the rack, this time protected by "Popular Science", Willie watched with intense interest as Maggie bent over to squeeze the bread. For a moment he had the wickedest urge to yell out, "Hey try me, I'm fresh". But instead he began to daydream.

Powered by Willie's vivid imagination the scene was instantly transported to the elegant sitting room of The Old House. As Maggie straightened up from her bread pinching position, she was magically equipped with the standard gear of every hot blooded American man's fantasy, "The French Maid's Uniform". So with her trusty feather duster in hand, she set about the arduous task of eradicating every last speck of dust from the room. This wasn't exactly easy in the candlelight.

The tempo of the music began to quicken as Maggie set a killer stiletto heel on a footstool by the fireplace. Her shapely legs were showcased in the firelight as she deftly dusted the painting of Mr. Loomis over the mantle.

Oddly Willie's portrait resembled the real life portrait of Barnabas Collins. In the picture he was sporting the same black cloak, same huge onyx ring on his finger, and he even had the infamous silver wolf's head cane under control in his hand. But unlike Barnabas' image, there was no dour puritan face here. Instead the smiling eyes and infectious grin where those of a man who had the world on a string. And here in fantasyland he did.

Impressed by his musical prowess, Maggie tossed aside her auburn curls and rewarded him with a smile. "That music is so romantic", she purred,"You've touched my soul".

Lost in the rapture of her smile, all that Willie heard was, "You've touched my____". Reacting with guilt for the various thoughts he'd been having, he held up his hands in a show of innocence. "Hey, I didn't touch nothin', honest". But he looked just like a kid who'd just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

The whole effect was so comically appealing, that Maggie just had to laugh. "Mr. Loomis, you say the darndest things sometimes". His face relaxed back into its familiar grin, as she put down the duster and glided across the floor to the piano.

"Ah, you can just call me Willie" he replied hopefully. She batted her baby browns at him as she seductively leaned across the piano and slowly took a sip of his brandy. "So, Willie", she said flashing her pearly whites, "Can you play something with a little more, spice to it?"

"I am at your command mi'lady" And with that he located a special button on the piano which, when pushed, seemingly enabled it to come alive with the spirit of Buddy Holly.

Willie got into the Holly spirit himself. He hopped up on the piano,downed the last of the brandy and using the glass as a microphone he began to sing,"You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain, Too much love drives a man insane, You broke my will, oh what a thrill, Goodness gracias, great balls of fire!"

Maggie was eating this up. She was already clapping her hands and swaying in time to the music. Not to be one to miss an opportunity when it presented itself, Willie jumped off the piano. And while looking deeply into Maggie's doe like eyes, he slyly raised his eyebrows,offered his hand and asked, "Shall we dance?"

Here in his dreams Willie was a regular Fred Astaire, and Maggie his Ginger, that is the Fred and Ginger of Rock n' Roll. His blood raced with excitement as they danced across the sitting room floor. Never had he seen Maggie's eyes sparkle so with joy. Tonight she would be his. It was nearing the end of the tune. For their grand finale, Willie dipped her as he crooned, "Goodness gracias, great balls of fire!"

With her there in his arms, he sensed that it was the perfect moment to attempt their first kiss. As he gazed into her eager eyes, he knew that she longed to have his lips meet hers. He closed his eyes in anticipation, and could actually feel the warmth of her breath, when he felt an annoying tugging sensation at his side.

Reluctantly he opened up his eyes and to his dismay found himself back in the magazine racks at the Piggly Wiggly. "Hey Mister, hey mister", pleaded the pesky munchkin frantically tugging away at Willie's jacket, "That's the last MAD Magazine, could I have it? Please, pretty please!"

Disgusted at having lost sight of his quarry, Willie growled, "Sure kid", handed over the magazines, then headed out to pick up the trail.

Back to the Drawing Room