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Guest list

 Armin Shimerman (Quark, Snyder), Max Grodenchik (Rom), Chase Masterson (Leeta), Aron Eisenberg (Nog), Harry Groener (Mayor Wilkins), Robin Sachs (Ethan Rayne, Sarris (Galaxy Quest)), Lolita Fatjo (Pre production co-ordinator/script co-ordinator, TNG/DS9/Voy), Anthony Stewart Head (Giles), Jim Swallow (Writer, Voy)

A note on spoilers: I've obscured anything relating to plot revelations for the last seasons of DS9 and Voyager. If you want to view them select/highlight/click and drag over the space. On Buffy I'm not sure which episodes have been shown where. However there are no major spoilers for the most recent episodes. Some details of plans for the new series and a spin-off program were given, but I didn't think any of these qualified as spoilers/plot revelations.

Saturday

For months I'd been planning to go to 'The Return' as my first big Trek convention. But my friend James prevailed on me. Now, I don't know as much about DS9's cast as Voyager's, but according to James, they are wonderful folks. He wasn't wrong. It turned out to be a wonderful weekend, and one I didn't regret a bit. Not just great fun, but often surprisingly thought provoking as well. Though I think I may book a room next time… the two-hour journey to and from my home, and missing various things, were a bit of a drag.

Preparing was a scramble. Lots of rushing around in my dinner hour! I was trying to buy a digital camera, also trying to arrange a meeting with a mate passing through the country (which sadly didn't come off), and with demos and threatened tube strikes that week, my shifts at work were re-arranged several times just to add to the fun! A mad week!

So I ended up scrambling to get there on Saturday morning: phoned the hotel, phoned James in his room, confirmed he'd got me a ticket for 'The Ferengi Family Hour', got an idea of the schedule, hoped to make it for the photo session…but as time went on and on I was just praying to get to the panel with Lolita Fatjo at 12. Hey, I'm a writer. I may be unusual in this, but for me the panel with Lolita was one of the major things I wanted to get to. The tube got me to Heathrow by half eleven, but from there it got mad. I was directed from one bus station to another to catch the Hotel Hoppa. When it arrived it turned out to be £2.50. The hotel had told me there was a free bus, but at 20 to 12 I wasn't going to argue. So I sat on the bus while it c r a w l e d around various stops. Just to make it worse a couple of girls asked for the Radisson…told him they'd been told it would be free…argued…he told them there was a free bus from the bus station I'd originally been at…. Argh! 10 to and too late to change… So I arrived at just gone 12.

Just to emphasise: If you ever want to travel between Heathrow Airport and the local hotels: DO NOT GET THE HOTEL HOPPA. IT IS A RIP-OFF! Local buses go from the airport Central Bus Station, and are FREE as far as the hotels.

A mad dash to get registered… then I found out what a maze the Radisson Edwardian is and got directed and lost 3 times before I finally found my way to the main hall…

So here starts my PA notes…also my first attempt at taking notes and handling my brand new camera! As a result I tended to miss a bit at the start of the talk, and some of the pictures didn't turn out too well. Should still be plenty… Also the guests tended to overlap, so I've put arrivals in bold. I would of course recommend you read the whole thing rather than jumping to your favourites. One thing I learned is that all the guests have something to offer…

Would you believe this is my best picture of Jim?

Lolita Fatjo and James Swallow  
(who I'll refer to as Jim from now on to avoid confusion with my mate James!)

No sign of James outside (we'd arranged to meet there), but though Jim Swallow was already there, Lolita wasn't. Amazingly I'd made it before her arrival! She was not long though. Unfortunately, I didn't get any good pictures, but there was a lot of great stuff for writers.

Lolita asked who in the audience had submitted scripts: it turned out that of a fairly big crowd only me and one other guy had, and we'd both been rejected. She also asked if it was her signature on our letters! I guess she was quite glad to hear that I got mine off Maggie Allen, though I wouldn't have held it against her if it had been hers!

Amount of spec scripts submitted: On DS9/TNG they got about 50 per week, dropping to 10-20 by the end of her time on Voyager (that meant about 75 total when she was doing both Voyager and DS9) probably less than 1% have something happen with them, like being asked to pitch. But no need to ring for a progress report on your script, as if something happens you will definitely know about it …

Jim told us what happened when they were interested in a premise of his (which ended up being 'One'). Brannon Bragga rang, and as if that wasn't scary enough, it was 11 o'clock at night and he'd been drinking with friends! So he didn't believe it at first when someone told him who was on the phone!

What you get for a script: $26/27,000 for the first and second showings, and then more payments, reducing in size for each showing. But that's for a script credit: it can drop to a lot less depending how much credit you have.

Lolita said people should not give up if they get a script rejected. Because so many are sent they get rejected for a lot of reasons. She also said that if you see something similar to your script turn up in a later show you should see it as a compliment, as it shows you were thinking along similar lines to the writers. (And so, I guess, tuned into where the show was heading)

Jim said he had pitched 10 times, and produced about 200 story ideas. They need ideas from outside writers: they need fresh blood.

Lolita quoted Armin as describing Paramount as the ultimate Ferengi.

Jim said that you should look on a spec script as a calling card. He has submitted a script for one show to another show to demonstrate what he can do.

Lolita emphasised though that no matter how good or bad your script is, the most important thing is to make it look good and FOLLOW THE RULES. She gave a few examples of people who didn't follow the rules: people who send in scripts 10 pages or 100 pages long even though the guidelines say (if I remember correctly) 55-65. Or one person sent a script in called 'Tangerine', with a crate of Tangerines with it. Apparently Brannon was convinced they were poisoned and had them binned. Another example was 'Elvis Meets The Enterprise'. Apparently these examples didn't get read…

So don't think the rules don't apply to you! She also noted that DS9 was better for outside writers to write for, in that it had recurring characters, since it's pretty hard to write something for main characters that the house writers haven't thought of…and not a good idea to write a lot of your own characters.

She went on to talk about the new show (old news now…but not at the time), confirming that it would be called 'Enterprise', would star Scott Bacula, would be set before TOS, and was due to shoot (at the time) in a couple of weeks.

Spoilers for Endgame (Voyager last episode). Lolita then talked about the Voyager finale, 'Endgame', asking the audience 'Do you think they get home? (Yes!) Do you think anyone gets killed? (Yes!) Who? (Someone shouts out Harry!) She says no, but (I think…I was trying to cover my ears…) he doesn't get his pip either. (Having seen the episode… he does in the alternate timeline of course…just hasn't at the end of the show)

Q: How do you get an agent?

Jim: It's easier to get one when you don't need one. Once you've proved yourself they are quite happy to start taking a percentage…

Lolita: Star Trek is the only show that accepts spec scripts without an agent, as they have a special arrangement with the studio.

She talked about how something like only 3% of actors in the screen actors guild make a living in the business, and she reckons it's probably the same with the writers.

Jim said that you can work in books without an agent, but they are pretty essential in TV: they may know about upcoming shows etc.

Q: Will they be taking spec scripts for the new series?

Lolita: Feels it is probable that they won't take spec scripts. (Me: boo hoo) If they do, it will be at least a year after the show starts to air, as they like to give the staff writers time to get a feel for the characters before they start bringing in outsiders.

Q: A writer in the audience asked Jim about a problem he had: either having a story and no dialogue, or great ideas for dialogue without a story to put it in.

Jim said that dialogue was actually a very good place to start: he pointed out that while you have to trust directors etc to do their bit, in TV the story has to come through dialogue. He keeps a dump bin for odd bits and pieces that he may be able to use later.

Lolita suggested getting a mate to look at it. After all, all TV scripts are a team effort. And, again, make it look good! She said they did make an exception for people from the UK using A4 rather than Letter paper (apparently they kept wondering why they kept getting 'weird long paper' from the UK!). Lolita also mentioned an earlier workshop she did over here with Brannon, where apparently they were quite stunned to get asked what 'brass brads' were. I think they said treasury tags were the closest (but I thought they were quite different…have to look into this again!) I was laughing through this as I badgered American friends for descriptions of brass brads, and got a ream of larger paper cut down to Letter size specially! Also laughed at the person in the audience who pointed out what a pain Letter size as a default is on Microsoft software. I train people to use computers, and I always have to warn them!

Jim expressed the opinion that getting into writing Star Trek books is actually harder. They get 200 or so really bad submissions a day. They have 4/5 guys in an office reading them.

Lolita pointed out that novels are a better arena for people who wanted to write crossovers.

Q: Something about fan fic sites…

Jim said they were a great place to get started, but a better place to leave. There's a lot of navel gazing. On the other hand they do focus on fan interests: things that can't be done on the shows.

At this point Jim left, and other members of the Ferengi family joined Lolita on stage: Chase Masterson, Max Grodenchik and Aron Eisenberg.

Handling a camera and taking notes is not easy! Especially with a quick-fire witty group like this! I missed note-taking at the start of this session as I was taking pictures, but there was a limerick from Max, discussion of (DS9 spoiler) Rom' appointment as Nagus, and jokes about Lolita being Leeta's mother in law and Rom's ex, (which I didn't get until I saw the play later….). Apparently, Max would love to have Lolita's (or was it Leeta's? argh!) baby, or at least work at it….

Q: If they could have three wishes…

A: Lolita put a serious face on and wished for world peace, Chase asked for a re-count. Someone suggested being able to fly, which was a pretty popular idea with the group.

Q: Aron was asked to compare working on Voyager (as the young Kazon in 'Initiations') with working on DS9.

He thought the make-up would be better, as it didn't cover his face, but in fact he found it worse, because of all the sponge stuck on top of his head. But the character was fun because it was something different. He found himself doing a bad English accent for some reason… He also had a lot of fun working with Robert Beltran.

Q: How did Chase get involved with The Sexiest Geek award?

She asked for the job! She saw some stuff about it, and actually called them. Max said he wanted a nomination.

There was another question…something about Avery Brooks, and then chaos ensued…the panel were being videoed, and the picture shown on a big screen so that those at the back could see. Max got up and wandered across, announcing that he didn't like his seat on stage and he wanted 'that one' (pointing at the now-empty seat being shown on the screen). He then proceeded to try and jump up to the seat on the screen… It was very bizarre and totally hysterical.

Q: About the Ferengi make-up…

Usually it took 3 hours, but I think it was Aron who said that one time they had a mix up and put the wrong time on his call sheet. So they had to get him in make-up fast. They had two people (Max, in Ferengi style 'Two Females!') do his make-up in 51 minutes. He was trying to persuade him to let him have three since he worked out then he could have his make-up finished before he arrived…

Q: Any roles in the new series?

Nothing at the moment. Apparently Brannon doesn't like Ferengi.

Lolita: Apparently Jeff Combs read for a major part. (she went on to talk about Scott Bacula as Captain etc…repeat of earlier…)

Q: To Chase: Any weird fan mail?

The worst she got was a death threat the year before. When asked if there was a story she said very firmly 'No'. (I considered leaving this out, but I felt it was worth reminding people when they say 'so and so isn't as friendly to the fans as they used to be…' that, sadly, there may be a reason).

Q: What was it like to work with Armin Shimerman? Asked by Armin himself as it turned out…

Aron started laying it on thick (and very funnily) about how it was a dream come true… 'There on a little buggy was Armin'… Armin: shut up kid!

Q: If you could have your own rule of acquisition, what would it be?

Max suggested 'Money can't buy happiness', though it was generally agreed that that didn't sound exactly Ferengi-like… Lolita starting testing Max on his knowledge of the rules of acquisition by throwing numbers at him. He didn't get every one, but he was pretty impressive.

Armin talked about the books he has written: the 34th Rule and The Merchant Prince. Apparently the latter has a few in jokes, such as '4 North Gay' as an address (try it written as 4 N. Gay).

At this point the others left, leaving Armin on stage alone. Armin comes across as very much a businessman, and quite impressive. But he also has a lovely smile.

Q: What was it like being eaten?

A hurry, as they'd been filming all night, he'd been waiting all night, and suddenly realised the sun was coming up and they had to get the scene filmed before it did.

Q: Which role did he prefer: Quark or Schneider?

A: A tough question, which he has thought about… Buffy had lots of things about it that were creatively satisfying. DS9 paid more, and was also creatively satisfying. Both roles ended the same week, which was difficult… he enjoyed both.

Q: How did he see the relationship between Quark and Odo?

Actually there were few episodes centred on the two characters.

Q: Ferengi: comical or villains?

He was one of the original four Ferengi on TNG. Roddenberry saw them as vicious vermin. 'Unfortunately they cast me…' He brought humour to the role and they turned into gerbils.

Q: Quark is such an unlikely sex symbol. How much did you bribe the writers to work with such beautiful women?

Can you say that again? One more time?… He was surprised!

Q: Did Quark fancy Jadzia Dax?

Absolutely! He got friendlier and friendlier with Teri during the run of the show. It was an unlikely coupling. In real life he missed Teri, and so he didn't really have to act Quark missing Jadzia. (In fact he forgot the name 'Ezri' and had to be queued by the audience, but he did make a point of complimenting Nicole De Boer (who played Ezri Dax), who's name he didn't forget…)

Q: About his role in Stargate as one of the Nox.

He had a wonderful time, though it rained for seven days, and the straw hat he wore was totally wilted by the end. He doubts he will do it again though as it is filmed in Canada. Armin is one of the leading lights in the Screen Actors Guild, and there is a growing debate about working in other countries leaving actors out of work in his own country.

Q: About something in 'The 34th Rule': Racism around Ferengi.

This is something he feels strongly it is important to talk about. He feels there is a pecking order to racial superiority in the races in Star Trek, with some being seen as superior to others. And this was found off camera as well: actors in Ferengi make up got smugly smirked at. He has to say though that it is the only bad thing he has to say about working on DS9.

Q: About the Buffy episode 'Band Candy', where he played a teenage Snyder.

That was his favourite episode. And Tony was brilliant in it.

Q: About working in makeup.

The usual trick of method acting, e.g. thinking about your grandmother dying so as to look upset, doesn't get through the make-up.

Q: Did he get on well with Renee? (Auberjons, who played Odo)

He hates Renee! (Joke!) He really thinks Quark and Odo got on well.

Q: About respecting females more…

Armin: Yes 
Quark: Nonsense!

Q: About the cameo he did which was cut from 'Insurrection'.

He thought it would be, but felt it was the right decision. Because him turning up at the end of the film was wrong, (…it would have spoiled the flow of the film and distracted the audience).

His Quark makeup usually took two hours. But everything has to look better in a movie, because you are being magnified on a giant screen. So it took five hours, plus seven hours shooting. But he had a good day because of the two girls he was working with.

Q: About the difference in the shows since Roddenberry had left.

Roddenberry believed there should be no conflict between the officers in Starfleet, and that the mission should be scientific. When he left, we began to see conflict, which Armin believes makes for better TV.

Q: Will Quark maintain Ferengi values?

Difficult, living in a Bajoran/Human culture. But hopefully he will stick to his guns. Even if you don't like the culture, that is doing a noble thing. The only time Quark killed was, for example, in defence of his brother. In that way his culture was superior to that of the humans. Starfleet personnel were killing people all the time.

Q: (DS9 Spoilers) Ferenginar with Rom as Nagus?

Armin feels badly for Ferenginar! He was glad for Max, but thought it was a stupid idea. Brunt should have become Nagus.

Q: Didn't he thing Rom trying to push Quark out of an airlock was inconsistent?

Yes, it was out of character. But it was an early episode so he thinks the writers were allowed to make a few mistakes.

Q: Any stories about pranks or practical jokes on DS9?

Practical jokes were more likely on the Next Generation and Voyager sets. DS9 was not like that. The cast was older and more serious: not many could take a practical joke. They also didn't socialise so much.

Q: How about on the Buffy set?

Have to ask Tony! He can't imagine. He was sure there was, but really don't know. He can't imagine Sarah and a practical joke.

Q: About being seven years on a show…

He feels connected and protective towards the characters. He's never felt that to the same extent as with the Ferengi.

Q: What part would he like to play?

Richard the 3rd. He's played in the play, but never as the title role.

At this point Armin gave us a sample of his version of Richard the 3rd. He turned to the back of the stage for a moment, composing himself. When he turned round he'd lifted his shoulder to make the hunchback. He proceeded to give us a long speech, acted with flashing eyes and imperious voice. It was most impressive. Then he again turned away and went to the back of the stage, taking a moment to shed the role…

Q: About the writers strike…

He told us that (at the time) the writer's strike had just been settled. However he was one of the thirteen negotiators for the actor's strike. So he'd decide whether we got any movies… 'so better be good to me!' He did say that of course, he didn't want there to be a strike.

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