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'Odyssey' at Heathrow, England, 4-7 May 2001

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The Autograph Queues

Next on the schedule was the autograph session. Beforehand I stopped off to pick up my photos. I needn't have worried about the photographer printing the wrong ones: he'd printed both in each case, meaning I got all four for my money. Then I went for a coffee in the canteen. Truth be told I was cursing myself. I was having a bad skin day, and had put on very heavy makeup to hide it: something I'd got away with in previous photos. But I guess because these where taken in natural light, I looked like I had a clown mask on! Not to be helped…I spread out the photos to decide which to have signed. With the Star Trek group, one photo was better all round, but with the Buffy group me and Robin looked bad in one which all the others looked the best. Problem was, only two items per guest were allowed, so if I got both signed that would be it.

Finally I headed down to take my turn in the queue. Yep, another turn in the chairs. Actually it turned into a bit of a comedy routine between me and one of the staff at the bag check (they were not allowing people to take their bags with them). I'd decided to get all four group shots signed, so took them with me. I was tempted by the prints on show, but didn't have enough for one of everybody. I hated the idea of getting one person to sign when I hadn't got something to sign for someone else also there. Then I came up with the perfect solution: I'd get individual prints just for the Star Trek group, but still get both group shots signed for the Buffy group. I reckoned that would avoid embarrassment at the signing table, so I had to get some money out. Then I heard that since there was time, they were allowing more items, so I got my com book to be signed…back to the bag check. Then my lips felt really dry (eczema and a whole day in makeup can be uncomfortable) so I had to look for my hand cream. Which I couldn't find. I must have dropped it when I did my makeup on the tube. A bit of a disaster, that. Then I went back for some lipstick, because my lips had to have SOMETHING on...

There was quite a wait. Apparently people had backed up on the stairs in front of the Star Trek group. Finally it was my turn to move up to the tables on the terraces. First level up was Tony, Robin, Harry and helpers. I got out the three items for them to sign letting them pass them along while I handed out my handwritten web addresses. Once more they were all friendly and light-hearted. I gathered up my stuff and headed for the line to the next level…then realised something was missing. Harry had not yet signed my stuff. So I turned back all apologetic and provoked a round of joking. I think there was some mention of the relative importance of people who have websites… Harry doesn't have a website, unlike me...

Next level it turned out the delay was being caused by Max, who was insisting on fanning the pictures to dry them after being signed. I skipped to next in line Lolita and got everything signed by her and Chase before he was free to do mine. Meanwhile they were affectionately moaning at Max… why he couldn't just trust the fans to dry them…maybe they should get a minifan…. Max is so like Rom sometimes it is spooky. I really don't know how much was him, and how much he was playing the part. Again it was difficult to get a word in edgeways, but I did manage to tell them about my website etc, and they all did lovely personal dedications on the things they signed (though they were all lovely, the only personalisation I got from the Buffy group was from Harry, though there wasn't a lot of room on the items).

Then my plan to avoid embarrassment totally broke down. First I noticed James Swallow sitting rather sadly at the end of the Trek table. I have a feeling people may have been mistaking him for a helper. Anyway, he had some of his books with him, and since I still had a tenner in my folder, I bought a couple. Next table was Armin and Aron. So of course I was going to have to get Aron to sign his print in front of Armin, for whom I hadn't got one…They were both busy, but Armin's wife Kitty Swink was also there. There had been pictures of her available…sigh. Anyway, I had a brief chat with her about the fact that this was my first big Trek convention. She said it wasn't that big, and I had to agree that it was a lot quieter than I expected: I'd expected to be hardly able to move for the crowds. (I heard there was well under a thousand attendees. Competition with the Paris event the same weekend I guess). She also signed my com book. Lovely lady!

Then on to Aron. I asked him how come he'd known my name, and he said he remembered me from the photo session. So, they really weren't ignoring me…I'd just told Aron about my website when he shocked me by pulling out a camera, and announcing that he was going to take a shot of me for his website. Now, you may have noticed I haven't put my picture on the web…but I realised it would be just a little hypocritical of me to complain when I'd taken loads of him for mine. Anyway, since coming back I've had the chance to look, and I really like what he is doing at his site. It's a great project, and I hope my picture will be included. I just won't be telling everyone which one it is… Anyway, just Armin to go. I think it was him who was especially positive when he heard about my Casualty script. To be honest, I know I got a lot of positive comments for that and having a website, but I can't remember exactly who from! Things were most definitely getting a little blurred by that stage of day. Not enough sleep remember…

I found James and we went for a proper meal. I had braised tofu with eggplant and tomato sauce (note for the Americans: over here 'eggplant' is aubergine unless a restaurant is trying to be posh). It was excellent: the tofu was crispy on the outside, melting in the middle, and laid on a bed of sparky red pepper and spring onion stir fry. The only let down was the 'eggplant', which was greasy. James had a steak, which he said was superb, though apparently he'd had some chips the night before that had been too salty.

Then we headed for the disco. And I felt I'd arrived home. The dance floor was full of people of all sizes and ages, some in full costume, doing the Macarena to seventies disco. In fact the music was just like the school discos of my youth, though the crowd was even less cool…in fact no one cared at all about image. A man totally obscured by a 'Scream' outfit: robes, long ghost mask and a fake knife hanging from his belt, came up and asked if I remembered him from earlier. I really don't think I needed the excuse of being bad at names and faces…But James did recognise him. Turned out he'd beaten me to Chase's bra. He was a nice guy.

Then they (being Aron, Max and Robin?) drew the raffle. I'd missed the ticket sales, but most of the prizes turned out to be jokes anyway. Friday night several stars of WWF had been staying at the hotel. Apparently their security had been practically hysterical about the crowds of Trek fans wandering about, and it seemed they had left. So the raffle included quite a few WWF prizes… As sometimes happens, one table kept winning, to friendly cries of 'Fix! Fix!' Those doing the drawing assured us that they really were getting their hands right down in the box. In fact it must be a very happy box…Admittedly, they did have a very large number of tickets laid out on their table. Then the 'Dutch' woman won something, and was asked if she was going to 'Buffy' for it.

Then on with the party. Max stayed for a while and joined us on the dance floor. I was trying to keep up with the actions, and commented to Max who was next to me that I was copying him because he seemed to know what he was doing. He told me not to because he was copying someone else! In the end I was dancing for ages in a line in front of him, with my back to him! Hope he doesn't think I wanted to ignore him!

The party continued with a collection of the tackiest disco available, which left me staggering with exhaustion: 'Come on Eileen', 'Rio', 'Relax', 'Baggy Trousers', plus some bad rock: 'Sweet Child of Mine' was played if I remember correctly. The only recent tune I remember was Robbie Williams's 'Let Me Entertain You'. I think the dancing to that one would have had anyone 'cool' laughing or maybe crying, but nobody cared. It is my firm belief that sometimes things are so un-cool that they become totally cool, and that party was definitely an example.

I wish I could have stayed later, or been a little bit bolder. Like why didn't I invite Max to join us at our table…

I had contemplated staying on and following the (so I hear) convention tradition of spending the night in the video room. But I was just too tired. So I headed for the tube. I was once again entertained by a group of drunks. Though by that stage I was both incredibly tired and extremely hyper: I know I was acting pretty drunk myself, though without having had a drop!

Lots else I could write about: One thing I haven't really mentioned is the number of times I saw the guest just around. For example, sitting in the canteen at one point: Lolita stopped to buy a cuppa, and Tony also stopped. As he left he caught my eye and waved the apple he'd just bought at me before taking a bite with a cheeky grin. In fact for some reason I kept bumping into Tony! I had a real feeling like the barriers were on the edge of breaking down. It ended too soon… On the other hand I didn't see as much of Chase as I'd hoped. I hear she did make an appearance at the party, but a few people commented that she wasn't mixing as much as she usually did.

I admit, I might not have gone to a 'Ferengi con' if it hadn't been for James, and how wrong I was. Armin had a point, and maybe anti-Ferengi racism had something to do with the low attendance as well as competition with the Paris Con. Well, if that is so, then it's a real shame, because people missed out on an excellent event with a great relaxed atmosphere. I'll certainly take the chance to see the play again if I get the chance, and I've been left deeply impressed by several of the guests, and liking them all.

Chase Masterson's fanclub site

Aron Eisenburg's site

Convention website

To write to Anthony Head, (or the others off Buffy) try the Buffy, the Vampire Slayer mailing address: Anthony Head, c/o Buffy the Vampire Slayer, c/o The Warner Brothers Television Network, 4000 Warner Boulevard, Burbank, CA 91522

DS9 fans my want to read my next report, on Robert Beltran at Pages (Spoiler: Chase and Lolita made a surprise visit)

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