This page is part of The Borg Grail. If you have not already done so, please visit the Main Page for news and an introduction to my site.
Site Guide / Consideration is Puerile / The Hall of Innocence / The Hall of Amazons / Reports / Stories / Links / Webrings / News Archive / View Guestbook / Sign Guestbook

The Star Trek Auditions. 20/07/2000

Late one Sunday evening I logged into the Page's message board and saw something that made my jaw drop. The Science Museum here in London was looking for people to work on a Star Trek exhibition. Costumes provided for those who are successful…Instructions were to turn up, with CV and a written piece (on what we saw the job role to be), in costume if possible, for an 'audition' the following Thursday (20th July). As I'm not exactly a professional actor (though I have done a phone job that involved acting…), calling it an 'audition' sounded a bit scary. Still, I remembered going to a casting call for extras for a film with a friend who IS a professional actor. While we didn't get a part (I think my short hair, glasses and the pierced lip I had at the time may have been considered wrong for a historical drama…), the event had been fun and interesting. Also, the job sounded like it would be more customer service than actual acting. And there was no mention of preparing a piece to read…I thought it would perhaps be like the casting call: filling in a form and getting a photo taken. I decided to just give it all I had, and enjoy it for itself.

With only 3 days to go I speeded up the diet (Thanks Robert! The low carbohydrate is working!), and went on long jogs. Costume was a problem. I was determined to do something, but with basically no money, I had to improvise. I settled on black trousers, a grey vest/tank top, Comm. badge made of painted cardboard, and Trill spots. A bit of research on the Internet confirmed that every Trill I could find had dark hair, so that led on to my one purchase: hair dye.

There were, of course, last minute panics. 5pm Wednesday night I tried to print out the written stuff…only to find that a recent computer crash had done more damage than I'd thought. Printing at home was not an option…luckily I remembered an advert for an open access session at the local community centre. So, I zoomed round with a disk, and they very kindly printed my stuff out.

Next day, I got up early, did my make up and got onto public transport, travelling through the rush hour complete with spots. Being English no one commented. I arrived a little late, due to delays on the Tube. I wasn't the only one though. After rushing through the endless tunnel between station and Museum, I found myself at what looked like a staff entrance and asked about the audition. The receptionist looked at me blankly. For a moment I thought it was all a wind up. But then he remembered seeing a crowd of dressed-up people just the other side of the tunnel exit. Sure enough, they were right there. I'd passed literally a few metres from the queue but looking in the wrong direction!

I said hello to a woman with a clip board and was handed a script (did she say script? Eek!) Then walked along the queue. It wasn't massive, probably about 100 people. I think they got at most 200 people altogether (I heard later that they'd got 7000 CV's last time they did the exhibition, so I think they made the application process sound as scary as possible this time). Perhaps two thirds of those present were in costume: mostly standard uniforms, though one woman was dressed as Major Kira (correct uniform, earring, nose and all), and there was also a Neelix.

Everyone had gathered into little groups, working on the script. So I shouted out 'Anyone need another' and was quickly grabbed by a group, with glad cries of 'Troi, Troi!' I was rather puzzled as to why any Trek fan would mistake me for Deanna. Then I looked at the script and all was revealed. The parts were Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty and Counsellor Troi (better not to nit pick…). Incidentally, there were some groups with more than one women, so some of them played male roles. I also have no idea who 'Neelix' ended up playing, though I would love to know!

I then found out just how hard it is to learn a script under pressure. We must have had over an hour (though we didn't know that at first). It also didn't help my confidence to hear that the audition had been advertised in 'Stage', so there were actual, real, actors there. My part was the longest (I've counted - 16 lines of text), but I don't think anybody learnt theirs off by heart. We all auditioned reading from the script, and as far as I can gather, the other groups were the same. At one point I was wondering if I was hamming it a bit, and someone choose that moment to comment that I was giving it just the right amount of condescension. I glowed slightly for a while. One guy in our group had a particular problem, as he had difficulty reading. We helped him out by prompting him when needed (including during the actual audition). I have to give him points for the effort he put in. Especially as we didn't make it easy for him…

We alternated read-throughs with conversation, building up a group rapport. The queue stretched along the front of the building in bright sunlight, which made for a mellow atmosphere, in spite of anxiety. We were divided from the pavement by a red rope. Beyond the line, staff were moving up and down, dealing with enquiries from the public and others. At one point I caught a glimpse of passing spots and gladly greeted a fellow Trill. I confirmed that her spots were also done with eyeliner, nattered about my journey, then realised she was wearing a staff badge. Hope I didn't say anything stupid…She wasn't the only dressed up staff member. There was also a very impressive Spock.

We were also the subjects of press attention. There were quite a few cameras, plus the BBC were filming. I must have been focused at that point because I totally ignored them! I heard later that one woman did a speech for camera in Klingon. I have no idea if that or anything else made it onto the news. (Digressing for a minute. I once did a little job for the BBC, for a computer magazine program. They took a group of us who were on a computer course off to the local jobcentre, where we recreated a scene from 'The Full Monty'. I'm standing with a newspaper and looking disapprovingly at others as they start dancing! They paid us a can of beer - big spenders the BBC! I think I still have mine somewhere - I don't like beer! OK, to be fair I should say that if they had paid us it would have messed up our benefit payments…)

With only a couple of groups in front of ours, we decided to loosen up by running through in different roles. I took Spock, which I didn't find comfortable. Perhaps if I had had time to get into it…but I was glad to get back to Troi. Now, I said 'loosen up', but perhaps shake up would have been more appropriate. Because we found someone did a brilliant Scotty, which meant some swapping of roles. And guess who had been playing Scotty before…Our bad reader found himself trying to adapt to McCoy…Then the new Spock decided he didn't like the role. It was quickly established though that there was no way the bad reader could cope with Spock's language. So 'Spock' was stuck. However, it was decided that he should play the role with a twist. I suggested doing an evil, deranged Spock (I've always liked Tuvok's dark edge). He tried it, and camp Spock, finally settling on sarcastic Spock. Actually, I wish he'd settled on camp Spock, as that was really funny. But he was worried about how it would come across.

Then we were called… We were taken upstairs, where we gave in our CV's and written pieces, and were asked if we wanted full time or part time. We were also given numbered labels (I later found that this was because each person was watched by one member of the audition panel, plus there was another who watched everyone). Then after a brief pause and half a run-through, we were ushered into a room. It was a very grand, wood panelled boardroom. To our left was a table, from which we were handed paper cups of water to take care of any dry throats. In front of us was an open space. A very big open space. At the far end of the room was a long table, and behind that, in a line, sat The Panel. I'm not sure that it helped any that they were all in Star Fleet uniform, and included the Trill and the Vulcan. I felt like I'd stepped into the wrong end of a court martial trial at Star Fleet Headquarters.

Then one of the panel really helped by inviting us to 'use the space and improvise'. We all took it as meaning they didn't want us to do the script…But after scaring the hell out of us, it turned out that they'd meant they didn't mind if we didn't keep strictly to the script. Wish I'd know that earlier. There was a bit of nervous laughter as we shuffled into a semi-circle in the middle of that big floor.

The scene was an away team de-briefing following a mission to, of course, the 'Star Trek: Federation Science' exhibit. My first speech was quite a way in. I heard it come out flat as a pancake and mentally kicked myself into gear. I have a feeling the others may have been feeling the same, but as we went on we all got into the swing of it and got a few laughs (though I couldn't tell you where exactly). I was enjoying it by the time we got to the bit where each person describes their favourite bit of the exhibit, which included my favourite line of the script:

Troi: I sensed they enjoyed it more than they let on, Captain. But for me it has to be the Borg.

Kirk: The Borg? On Earth!?!

Troi: Only an exhibit, Sir. Of Locutus of Borg. There's something about Captain Picard in leathers that always makes me think of chocolate…

Believe me, I gave that line my dreamy best! Then we were to the final line - the whole group join in to say 'Beam us up!' We'd decided to shout it, and this time we really went for it. I'm sure I saw the whole panel jump! I don't think we did too badly. Then we made our way out, picking up the job description as we left (yes, they only gave us the full details after the audition…). We were also told that those that had got through the audition would be called back for an interview.

We'd been given a complimentary ticket into the museum, so we went in and found the café. Soon several other groups joined us, and we all happily discussed every science fiction show under the sun for some hours (carrying on in another café later!) Some of the more interesting moments included deciding that the Borg were made of chocolate, and that's what they injected through their tubules, and a challenge to name Geordi LaForge's character traits. Now I've always liked Geordi, and found him perfectly watcheable, so it was a big surprise to find just how difficult that is. Between about fifteen of us we got, I think, three. And one of those was that he is gay, which I had heard that LeVar had said, though it isn't supported in canon, unless you want to get suspicious about his friendship with Data…(and it may just have been an Internet rumour anyway).

There was also some discussion of why they had auditioned us. The job description didn't seem to involve any acting. Still a bit of a mystery really. Maybe we are actually meant to play out scenes, or may be they just wanted to test our 'get up and go'. One Cynic suggested they'd done it to get everyone there in uniform for the press, so getting some free publicity! Oh yes, I also managed to convince someone that my spots were really tattooed on…

We also took a spin around part of the museum, and I was able to get a brief chat with one of the workers, who was doing a talk in a space suit while standing next to the mock-up of the moon lander. I guess his job is the sort of thing we'd be doing. We bumped into the Trill again (now ex-Trill I should say - she was back on normal duty). She told us that there were still a few people straggling in. Though what they were doing with them I don't know.

Gradually people left and the group dwindled. By the end of the afternoon it was just me and one woman (who had long since changed out of her uniform) walking up the road. Suddenly she stopped, and went: 'Oh, it's you they're looking at!' Both of us had totally forgotten I still had the spots, and while I hadn't been noticing, she'd been getting paranoid about some of the looks people were giving us…I'd not washed them off, because I'd promised my mother to get some photos. I'd also felt totally comfortable with them while in the company of people in uniform. Now I began to feel uncomfortable. She left, and I went back to the Museum, intending to wash them off. But, the museum was closing and I heard there was a photo booth at the station…Needless to say; I ended up travelling back across London before I found a working booth. And without the rush hour it seemed people were more willing to stop a stare. I love the photos I got though! Worth the stares I think! Trill is a good look…

So now I just need to wait to see if I get called back…but it really was worth going just for the day itself. It was the most fun I've ever had applying for a job! Certainly, I don't think I will ever face a panel dressed like that again…

Sept 03, 2000

Over a month later, the end of the story…

Well, I waited a couple of weeks, and then got called back for the interview. By then I was getting pretty excited. Another week on, and interview day arrived. Of course, I went 'suited and booted' (got to show I can look smart as well as dress up!) Then it choose that day to rain and rain. I got to the museum in plenty of time, but I was still pretty damp for the interview! I also found out they'd called back about 30 of us, with probably 10 jobs on offer. I was doing well to get that far…I'm not going to go on about the interview. It was pretty ordinary: going through my CV, considering various scenarios. The only things that distinguished it were that it was more in depth than average, and included a Star Trek trivia quiz! (Don't know how I did on that overall, though they did let slip that I got more of Dax's hosts than most…) Like many interviews, there were things I felt I did well on, and others where I was cursing myself after. Overall, I wish I'd been less tired - I so wanted the job I hadn't had a full night's sleep in days.

Anyway, I had to wait another week before I heard I hadn't got it. I was pretty gutted. In fact I cried - something I've never done over a job before.

One thing did help me pick myself up. On one of the message boards I post on, we'd been discussing writing scripts for Voyager. I'd thought it was way too late, but then someone said there was an official deadline, and there is still time. So, I jokingly said that it I didn't get the job, I'd give it a go. Next day I heard…So, I'm now writing a script. But please don't ask about it: I'm not giving out any details, for pretty obvious reasons. I also feel it's bad luck to talk about it too much - the only reason I'm mentioning it here is because I know most of the people who read this will know anyway! I also know it's a million to one that it will get made (in fact, someone with some experience has told me I should look at it as an introduction to the writers for series 5 rather than for Voyager), but who knows where it will lead. It feels like it's the first time in my life that I'm really taking the chance to follow my heart job - wise.

Well, I went to Pages and got my ticket to see Marina Sirtis last night (Saturday). I've not actually experienced one of their Sci-Fi nights before, so I stuck around. It was fairly quiet (more than usual apparently - perhaps due to a Xena convention that's on), but still a good atmosphere. We got to see DS9 'Rejoined' and a TNG episode. Not sure what it's called, but it was the one where Riker and both Trois get kidnapped by the Ferengi. Wesley Crusher got booed on every appearance, but there were a few cheers and cries of 'Neelix'! when one of the Ferengi came on. I find it ironic that the actor who plays what is supposed to be the least liked character on the least liked Trek series (not an evaluation I am going to agree with), is suddenly popular when he's on TNG…

Then they played a range of music, a lot of it deliciously tacky, and some accompanied by those by now famous Sci-Fi compilation videos (Action Kate to the Wonder Woman theme, etc). It was great to be in a bar where it was socially acceptable to sing along. A bar full of people singing 'Bohemian Rhapsody' is quite something.

They also gave an announcement. Apparently tickets to see Marina were three quarters sold out, and are expected to sell out by tonight. It also turns out she's doing another event, on Thursday the 14th. She's going to be opening 'Star Trek: Federation Science' at the Science Museum here in London. Yep, that's the one I didn't get the job at. I've got to admit, I found myself getting a bit emotional when I heard that. I suppose I've been taking my mind off it with writing this script. But hearing that announcement made me realise that had I got the job I'd have been starting the training on Monday (tomorrow, that is), and that in less than two weeks it will be starting without me. I feel bereaved.

Details of the opening: On the 14th September from 12 noon it will be the press launch. Apparently they will be letting people in free,but only in costume. Marina will be around, but it's expected she'll be doing a lot of interviews and stuff, so how much time she'll get with the fans isn't known. The official opening will be on Friday 15th. Entrance fee details at the link below.

Nothing else to add. Unless you really want to hear about the very silly 'are you coming to see Marina?' conversation (not right now, coming together, as a couple, etc…look, it was at the end of the night in a pub…) I have my ticket for Pages, and I am planning on going to the opening, though it will be emotional for me. Report(s) to follow…

Here's a link for a BBC news report on the audition. No piccies of me, but several of the people I mention are in it.

Pages Bar

Science Museum (no details on the Trek exhibition at time of writing)

Star Trek (R) is a registered trademark of Paramount Pictures registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office.
Star Trek: Voyager is a trademark of Paramount Pictures.