Recently released documents from the former Soviet Union (FSU) reveal that Windows was the most elaborate KGB plot ever conceived. The motivation for Windows was the destruction of American productivity in the electronic workplace. Unfortunately for the FSU, Solitaire was ported to native Soviet operating systems, leading to the subsequent economic collapse.
"I told them not to do it!" said former KGB programmer Serge Romanoff. "It was the end of us, but I think it will get you too. I saw people playing Solitaire on Sun WABI and on PowerMac, too. ... and this Windows95, is what is left of our Armageddon Project. I didn't think anyone could be that sadistic!"
Microsoft stocks surged 25 points in response to the news. High-tech stock analyst Scott Bender summarized the market reaction, "Common sense, logic, and good business practices simply don't apply to the market where Microsoft is concerned."