CHAPTER 8 THE MYSTERY OF THE MIND
'Don't cry, Phil. Things aren't so bad with me. I am suffering from a rare disease. The doctors can't find the root of the problems yet. It seems that there is a naughty Imp going around in my brain and making fun with the bits and pieces there. If I suddenly suffer from one of its attacks, please call the nurse and leave me. I only want to be with you when I can enjoy your company. I dreamt about you last night, about our rides together. I wish we could go for a ride again now.' She put her head on my shoulder and I could feel that she was rather soft and cuddly again.
'Phil, another thing is that this illness has brought me some extra power. Like at the moment, I am able to swim in your memory sea. Do you want me to tell you what I can see there?' Her voice was a bit like her old self when she used to give that wicked wink. Her eyes were closed and she was so light as if she was no longer there with me.
'Please, Jane, tell me what you can see.'
'I saw you about 4 or 5 years old. I saw you with some people. One of them was holding a red book and speaking rather sternly to 5 or six people, who looked rather guilty and pale, as if they had not eaten or rested for a long time. You were there with them. You looked bewildered and guilty as well.' Her soft words conjured up my memories. I was at that labour-re-education factory with my mother. One afternoon, I came back after nursery and found the whole factory was in chaos. The main wood-sawing machine had broken down. And there was a revolutionary determination going around the factory to find the culprit, who was supposed to be an anti-revolutionary. That was a serious crime and a serious accusation. The cadres were really excited, since life at the factory had been reasonably peaceful up till then. I had enjoyed my time there with my mother and many friends. That night, several serious suspects were gathered up in the study room to study Mao's teachings deep into the night till one of them could come out and confess. Out of my childish curiosity, I stayed with them all night. I looked at each of them and could not see how any of them could become such a criminal out of the blue. But Uncle Xu was determined and it went on and on.
'I saw you leaving the group and the room. You went back to a little house and there was this woman sitting in the bed knitting. That must be your mother. You went to sleep by her side. You said nothing to her. You seemed to be sleeping for a while. Then, you sat up and said to your mum that you thought you did it. You had destroyed the machine. My mother was rather calm. She said that you should sleep over it and if it was you tomorrow morning, then you would tell Uncle Xu.'
I was really shocked that she was really swimming in my memory sea. I could not understand how she could see that. I could feel that she was somehow geared up to search deep for the next sequence of events. I was worried about her getting too wound up. I asked her to stop and have rest. She obeyed me as if I was her father. For the rest of the time that I spent with her that day, she was mostly sleeping. I hoped that it did her more good than harm. When I needed to go pick up my kids from school, the young man came and paid me in a as a matter of fact manner. I felt the urge to refuse the money. Then, I changed my mind. Why should I argue with a robot anyway! At least, I thought Jane had enjoyed my company that day. On the way to the school, I thought about my usual questions, such as the meaning of my existence and what I really wanted to do for my life and what I could have been good at as a job or career. While these things did seem to pop up every so often, I seemed to be doomed to a life as a traveller, hopping from one job to another, from one place to another…Nothing made sense anyway, if you thought deep and wide enough, and yet everything made perfect good sense for those settlers, in particular, those who had settled down to a particular strand of occupation or life. I did not seem to live here or there. I lived in the space between here and there. Destinations did not make sense to travellers. They were only for the settlers. For travellers, the journey itself was more like the destination. It was like my ride with Jane, no destination, just the night sky, the wind, and the motor roaring into the silence of the night, and our two hearts drumming out the rhythm of what life was all about...
Update on 1 April: Jane had been drifting in and out in the following days. Sometimes, she would be capable of doing amazing things, such as she had certainly been given the talents from somewhere. Other days, she would fall into a deep and traumatic sleep, during which she would suffer from some nightmares. I was like riding on the waves, sometimes up and seeing the world, other times down with waves crashing down upon me. Jane seemed to be suffering from a rare virus, which acted like a naughty imp going around her brain, switching on and off some of her facilities. The doctors said that there had been research on such patients. There had been some disabled kids who turned out to be extremely talented in their unique areas. In their cases, one part of their brains was disabled so that their other parts of the brain became extremely powerful, such as being able to see the whole landscape and remember every detail of it. For Jane, the problem was stability. Because the virus went around at random, Jane could not present herself to the world in a rational or patterned behaviour. Hence the mental hospital.
I was thinking about what they said that day. We tended to see only a restricted format of the world or in other words receive and comprehend a restricted amount of information of certain patterns. We thought we started to learn and expand our knowledge and competence while we grew up. The truth could be quite the contrary. We lost the omnipotence we were born with and become competent only as required by the society or conditioned by our local environment. Human beings as societal animals suffered from being restricted and conditioned. The limit to human competence lay in the fact of us being social animals. Anything other than conforming to the norms of our society would be termed as madness. It was easy to sneer at the fact that the KGB used to send normal rebels to mental hospitals during the Cold War. It was more difficult to admit to the fact that we committed the same sort of mistakes or follies all the time, as human beings. However, Jane's case had also made it clear about the question of controllability. Being normal or rational human beings, we needed to be able to control our behaviours through conscious choices and decisions. Jane was certainly ill in that aspect. The fantasy about an omnipotent world of human beings took off there and then. I knew that something was shaping up in my mind that day. Basically, it was a society with an infrastructure being able to liberate and expand our limited competence, transcending the historical societal requirements for restrictions and reductions to patterns.
One day, the doctors had decided to kill the virus with a powerful combined shot of laser and electric. Because the virus and the impact would damage a part of her brain permanently, we needed to decide about the exact location with serious consequences to her life after the operation. Whatever happened, Jane would be disabled for life one way or another. It was a tough decision to make. The young robot had left the decision to me. I seemed to be the only person in the world who was close enough to her to make this vital decision. I wondered what she would have wanted for her life. There were a number of options with various side-effects. One was that she would become an idiot, feeling no pain or no more sufferings either physically or mentally. She would be happy in her own idiotic ways. Another was that she would still be able to read and write and had the added ability to gaze into people's memories, while she would be paralysed on her left side of the body. Another was that she could be extremely musical while being blind. And other possibilities. There was the added problem that her condition might not be stabilised for ever. The virus might come back or she might lose more of her abilities over the years to come. I thought long and hard about it. I could not sleep for nights that followed. I imagined myself in that sort of position, and what I would have preferred.
An idiot was no human being in my mind. It was essential for a human being to feel about the world, respond to the different feelings and make decisions. An idiot's life was merely survival of an organic body. I was climbing over the ladder of human needs and the types of life we could have led because of these different needs. Ultimately, rational human beings would want a life where the body, the mind and the soul could share out the pains and joys of the world around us. I made up my mind and went to the hospital to decide the fate for Jane. But Jane was missing. According to the doctors, she had disappeared the previous night with the young man. The doctors said that if the virus was not killed within the next 48 hours, it was going to split itself into many little ones. By then, the disease would be uncontrollable. (to be updated next week.)
Updates on 3 April 2001: I thought about the whereabouts of Jane. The only place I could think of was her house. So I went there that evening. I was really worried about her. She would suffer from a horrendous death after the deadline. The impish virus would go rampant inside her brain and it would be the earth under World Wars. I wondered whether that robot understood Jane's situation quite so well. They were supposed to be supremely intelligent, like Omni, Omiss and others. If Jane had been kidnapped, it would almost become a murder if the kidnappers were aware of her illness. Maybe, they wanted something from her, using the deadline as a final threat. What would be the secret that Jane was holding that someone would do that to her? My mind went into a wild spin. I almost bumped into the black Merc in front of me. I braked in emergency and that was a very close call. The Merc stopped. I sat there trying to make up some excuses and be ready to apologise since it was my fault. Then, I saw that Chinese lady from the house stepped out of the car in a black leather bodysuit. She was wearing dark glasses which was really weird at this time of the night. I could still instantly tell that it was her because I had a photographic mind which readily copied images. She came towards my car rather swiftly. I opened the door and was about to say something to her. Suddenly, she jabbed me with a needle she was hiding in her left hand and I lost my consciousness in a flash.
When I woke up, I realised that I was in the Chamber. But this time, I was tied up in a double bed with Jane by my side. She was looking pale and fragile, but had regained her normal self. She managed to smile at me. Her smile was rather sympathetic and apologetic than anything else, as if she was to be blamed for my current situation. I looked around. The lie-detecting machine was there too and was switched on. That Chinese lady was sitting there in her black bodysuit and dark glasses. She looked rather cold and hostile. She was a devil on a mission, no matter what the costs or perhaps sufferings to us. Suddenly, we had been hit by a big electrical shot. We both let out of a cry because of the pain. I looked at Jane. She bit her lip as if to say that she was determined not to succumb to that woman. I could tell from her eyes that she was strong in her will. She must be holding something rather important.
'Philip, that was only a good start. So you know Jane would die within the next 36 hours, if her brain bug was not killed. Let me get down to our business here. I wanted Jane to tell me the access code to the Omnipotence software. I have brought you here for her company.'
She took off her glasses and stared at us. I realised that she was a robot too, because her eyes shone like two blue laser beams. I shuddered at the thought of being tortured by a robot. For however evil human beings could be and the horrible things they could do to others, there was always some humanly elements in a person which we might be able to explore in our current circumstances. But a robot had no mercy or particular weaknesses. Unlike early fantasies about robots, who disliked water. These contemporary robots were patched up by humanly skins, which were grown in the labs. They were almost human in that sense, but much stronger and more intelligent in their own ways. I wondered how we could ever get out of this situation alive without telling her what she wanted. (to be continued later).
Updates on 14 April: As we were lying on the bed looking at the ceiling. The ceiling was suddenly changed into a big screen which showed all forms of human tortures throughout our human history. The things we did to each other as human beings were truly horrific. It started from day one of our humanly existence on this planet earth. Well, one could say that it started since we were still animals like chimps, if one believed in Darwin's theory of evolution.
'I don't want any of those terrible things happen to either of you. I hope you will not force me into it either. I just want Jane to tell me the source code for the Omnipotence software. Then you will be set free. Jane can go back to the hospital and be cured of that naughty virus which is destroying her brain. Now, Jane, please tell me the truth. If you lie, I will know immediately. When that happens, Phil will suffer the most.' The robot Chinese woman said that with a little smile. One could hardly tell that she was a robot apart from her beaming eyes. I wondered why she wanted us to know that she was a robot than a human being.
I looked at Jane. Jane was staring at the screen and poring over the pictures of human tortures. She seemed to be some kind of mental stupor. She did not seem to be listening to that woman. She was in a trance as if she had gone back to times when she herself had either witnessed or suffered some of the tortures depicted. Suddenly, some pearl drops of tears emerged from the corners of her eyes and started to run down her cheeks. I could tell that she had relived terrible memories of her past.
'Miss Tian, I am afraid that I will not be able to help you. It is true that we created Omnipotence. When we started, we did have source codes to enable us to access the software and work on it. But the problem with software development in the 80's was that we tended to treat software as our creations. I mean we did not treat them as equals, or humans. We created them as our pet projects and used them when they were useful. Because of that, all software created that way suffers from the limitation of its creators. This means that they do not have a life of their own. They depend very much upon the creators or software designers or engineers for modifications and improvement. This has the same logical problem of God's creation of man on the earth. Wherever man came into existence, the truth is that the human race has taken on a life of its own through evolution. So that we are no longer God's creations. Whatever we are, we are our own creations. We are the products of our parents, families, organisations and societies and our natural environment.' Jane said these things with her eyes fixing on mine. She was looking at me rather lovingly as if she was gathering the strength and words from the depth of my soul. My brain was going blank at that moment. I was staring into her eyes, into waves of the River and the flows that went by.
'To cut the long story short, Omnipotence at its current age has already gathered a life of its own. It creates its own source codes when necessary for software developers all over the world to work on some aspects of its software. Indeed, it has already successfully married a few other software to create babies which will become more powerful than itself. In that sense, it is more like a human being than a lifeless software as you and your bosses might have thought. How can you ever provide a source code to a human heart or soul? I guess you will never understand that, as you are a robot created with the old pet logic. It is through love that we humans open up to each other, and Omnipotence can only be accessed this way. But how can you love a humanly software? I guess you and your bosses will have to go back to the basics of humanity and look for the answers there.' Jane smiled at me as if she was sure that we would be free soon.
All of a sudden, Miss Tian's power seemed to be switched off and she was paralysed. Om appeared and set us free. I was a bit confused about what had happened. Jane hugged me. She was almost melting in my arms.
'Phil, I am sorry about what had happened. I will explain later. In simple words, we needed Miss Tian's communication channel to get to her bosses behind. They were the people who had been trying to hijack Omnipotence. They were the people who had killed my husband in India and kidnapped our daughter. Don't worry, Phil, everything will be alright from now on, I promise you.' She kissed me on the cheeks and hugged me tightly. Om told me to go home and said that Jane needed a rest. I obeyed with many more questions to ask Jane. The misty foggy night on the zigzag Lincoln B roads fitted my mood perfectly that night. I could sense that in the darkness and murkiness, somebody was watching me. I felt cold and shaken on my way home. (to be updated later)
Updates on 5 June, 2001:
A few nights passed peacefully as I went back to resume my job at Jane's house. Jane was seldom there. I was left with her work to proof read. I was just glad that I had my old job back. The sense of job security seemed to be beyond any other worries in my life. We enjoyed our rides together. The only thing that bothered me was that we never really talked about those events which happened not so long ago. It seemed that either Jane did not worry me too much and simply did not want me to be involved.
One night, Jane told me that there was a change of plan. I would be sent out into the real world from now. They had devised a new medium whereby Jane could talk to me via my thought waves. With a wicked wink of her left eye, Jane told me that it would also mean that she would know whatever I would be thinking about once we were connected. I was a bit dumbfounded and could not care the least, since it seemed that I had nothing to hide from Jane in any case. That night on my way home, I looked deep into my past and could not find anything that would really be worthwhile keeping a secret. Perhaps I was the most boring person in the whole world. At least, I would be doing different things, which would be interesting. My one ambition, call that an ambition, was to try out all the different kinds of foods in the world. Then, again, another of my ambition might be to try out all the different flavours in life.
The next day, I was sent out to work as a wool sorter in a factory. I was accompanied by Om, who presented himself in a Chinese man in his forties. He had a square and rough face. His hair was a bit thinning for his age. He was shorter than me and had a stout body. He was supposed to be speaking Chinese only so that I would accompany him as his English interpreter. We cut out two funny figures once we arrived at the factory. We were shown by the foreman to the sorting floor. We went through a workshop where it seemed that wool was being bathed in some sort of chemical under a certain high temperature. It was smelly and stuffy. I was glad that we were not going to work there. I had a sensitive nose and was a bit picky about the smells around me. Considering I was brought up mainly in the rural area of Shanghai, that was a bit funny. I had a good nose for nice smells too, like women's perfume. I always preferred a woman with a nice smell about her.
'Phil, you naughty rascal. How could you be thinking nice-smelling women in a wool factory? I am glad that those days when women worked at these factories had long gone.' She had a good laugh and I knew she would be on my thought waves from then on.
We reached the wool sorting floor. It was a bit stuffy with the air full of flying wool fragments. The foreman introduced us to three wool sorters and left us at our table. We were completely lost as we had never done this before. I looked at the other three guys. They were a funny bunch, like from the old English movies. They were dressed in a war-time overall in a grey and brown and yellowish colour so reminiscent about that historical period. And mind you, the overalls were all old and must have been worn for years and years. The men were all busily sorting wool. The one close to us looked up and smiled. That smile opened up a whole new world for us. This was humanity at its purest and most natural. We did not even utter a word, then we knew there was friendliness and help at hand. I smiled back and Om obliged a little smile as well. Given his rough look, it was a good effort. (to be continued).
Updates on 9 June, 2001: He was a thin and lanky guy. He stopped his work and came around to show us how the work should be done. We thanked him and started to work. Om was acting his role quite well. He was talking, well, like a talking machine. He was telling all sorts of statistics about the world. Pity he was speaking Chinese, otherwise the other guys would have been mightily impressed. I could not hear a word of what he was talking about. My mind just set free and ran away, as it often happened in situations like this.
It was a beautiful autumn sunset. We were sitting on the river bank with our feet dangling in the cool water. This was rural Shanghai 20 years ago. I had returned from my boarding school to visit my grandparents. I was fourteen or fifteen at that time and she was two years my junior. We had been friends on and off since I kept on moving places. I hadn't seen her for a long while. She had grown into a pretty girl. Her mum was from the City, so she had that kind of graceful beauty about her which stood her out among all the village girls. She was tall for her age with a nicely shaped budding figure. She had a long pool of black hair which hang over her shoulders. Somehow, her parents were against our friendship, perhaps because they knew I was never going to settle down in the village. But somehow, we managed to arrange this secret rendezvous through her brother, who was a good mate of mine.
This used to be our favourite spot when we were little. Things had changed but this spot had somehow survived and retained its beauty for sunset watching. The sunshine quivered in the river and the birds were singing in the nearby wood. It was peace all around. We were left alone to enjoy our moments of togetherness and memories.
We sat there for a long time. I could not find the words to talk to her, and she was sweet but silent. It might sound strange now. At that time, words were simply not required. We were wearing shorts as it was a very hot day. Our bare arms and thighs were touching each other, and that was enough for both of us. It was a touch of innocence just like when we were kids. Then, we managed some small talk about things which had happened in the village after my last visit. At least, I was aware that I was not really listening to her words. It was her voice which I was tuning into. Through her voice, I went back to those happy memories we had together as kids. I thought she was doing exactly the same. When, the sun had finally set and it was time to go home. I tried to look into her eyes to find out what she was really thinking about. She did exactly the same. It was a brief encounter of our two souls. Somehow, however, we managed to look right through each other and no answer was sought or found that day or ever. After that day, whenever I went back to the village, I never had the opportunity to speak to her again. It seemed that her parents had determined to hide her from me. I heard later that she married early and got kids before I got mine. And that was that.
Om was rambling on some military knowledge of his. Well, he had got a whole databank of them things. I gave Om an eye and he laughed silently as if he knew he had been torturing me with this meaningless and endless chat. Whenever I looked around, the guy who helped us would look up and met my eyes with a smile. The other two seemed to be preoccupied with their work. Actually, I knew, they were aware that I was looking at them. They chose to ignore me for one reason or another. It could be racism, or shyness, or anything else. There were so many ways that human beings can be persuaded to shut doors on each other. Basically, everybody was free to communicate if s/he wanted to. This was about the magical beauty of the freedom of the human soul. We could all choose to be here and there or nowhere. Sometimes, we were simply scared about the unknown possibilities once our communications were opened and connected.
Suddenly, I was switching onto Jane's wave length. And more, I could even see her in my mind, which was a bit of shock. She was doing her keep-fit exercise while watching us.
'Phil, now you can see me. You realise that visual contacts are fundamental to human communications. Words or even voices can not surpass the superiority of what the human eyes can see. As you know, eyes are the windows to our souls. Just now, that little smile of that chap opened up a whole new scenario. This could never have been achieved through anything else, like words or symbols. Omnipotence aims to link human beings with real-time visual contacts and thought waves through a network of neural sensors, which would go far beyond the traditional text-based Internet.'
I wondered how I could shut off Jane's intrusion. I tried to think about many things in life, but it did not work. So what was the switch to this sort of network? For me, it potentially could be much worse than the Internet which was full of junk mails and spying eyes everywhere. I could hear Jane's laughter. Of course, I had lost and she was winning the game.
'But, Jane, please tell me how this network is switched on and off. You must know the secret.'
'This is being experimented and tested out at the moment. I will tell you when I know. Till then, you will be my toy slave, at least in mind.' I could see her wicked wink and I had to admit that I was mightily annoyed. If there was one thing that I treasured the most, it was the freedom of my soul or mind. Whatever sufferings in this world, if we had managed to retain the independence of our mind, we can never be slaved in the strict sense. We were forever free that way. Suddenly, Jane had switched off and was gone. Maybe, she did not want to push me too hard. I was generally a good-tempered person. However, if I was pushed to a corner like defending my last right in this case, I could become really foul-tempered and determined. For that, Jane had managed to leave me just at the right moment. Really, she was being kind to me. I did not have a clue as to what to do about her in any case. I would be feeling rather angry and hopeless, had she persisted.
(Chapter 8 finished on 10 June 2001)