----------------------- 05 June 2003 (2pm, Thursday) A tired and lazy day today.....A bit of update on the login and gallery page... 05 June 2003 (7pm, Thursday) Very dissapointed...i really dunno how to describe the dissapointment..she just don`t care.. What can i say.......... 06 June 2002 (730pm, Friday) Glad that i am able to meet up with her for breakfast and lunch today..She look very sweet today..Hope she will be able to get the job she looking for today. 07 June( 230am, Saturday) Just reach home, she quite angry with me..Well, all i can say is i am really true to her.No matter what happen, my mind will always have her. 07 June (730pm,Saturday) Tired day, Went out early in the morning to school to sell drinks..Have a short nap in the afternoon and night time will be resting time for me again.Friends ask me out for mahjong but guess she won`t like it.So told them to go ahead themselves. 07 June (Saturday Past Midnight) Very dissapointed again by her actions and words..Time and Time again she said i cheated her or out to play her..I dont understand at all..Never ever in my mind do i want to hurt her at all. 08 June (740pm, Sunday) Tired Sunday..Went to work early in the morning till around 2pm..then played soccer for a while and she called.Thought she need someone to talk to.That`s why i went home immediately without my friends.Took the bus with my bag and heavy laptop as i run out of cash after buying 4D .Well.but alas, i realise that the fact was she was all along with zq..hmm..What to say..i am a fool for her to play as what she said..i accept the fact..She is not to be blame..i am the one that choose it this way in the first place..I choose to love blindly....Long week ahead.... 10 June (830pm, Tuesday) She is quite sick and not feeling well today..Purposely find excuse to go GDC so that i can have lunch with her and spend a bit of time with her..i wish i can keep her company and take away all her pain.... 10 June (12MN, Tuesday) Hmm.suddenly zq appears out of nowhere late in the night and she went to keep him company again..well..what can i say...she won`t listen to me at all..:((( 11 June (9pm, Wednesday) Just had my dinner...Had lunch with her again today..she haven`t yet recover...Realise that someone is with her ...No wonder didnt call me back..well..i wait again... 11 June (1015pm, Wednesday) She finally called..but how i wish i didn`t picked up this call..she said i dunno about love...can`t blame her..maybe to her, love is just a game..To me, i can be without anything in the world or give up anything just to love someone and to be with that someone...But i guess to her, love is just about being physcially presence.That is not love at all.... I dun understand at all......she is really the gal which i love a lot...but i am lost for words in whatever she said earlier...:(((( 12 June (1900pm, Thursday) Still in office waiting for an engineer to look into some problem..Well..i am very tired...she is awaiting for him meanwhile..... 12 June (Thursday Midnite) Hmm..now is even worse..her guys take turns to come....this is really getting out of hand....she won`t listen....anyway...she gave me the cold shoulder every time now ...i am very dissapointed with the way she keep behaving.....i shall not say much now...very dishearten.... 13 June (1800pm, Friday) Dunno what to tell her..i know what i said is all no use..she said i am petty..well..i am not..i just feel suddenly i am really so insignificant to her life...and i quite lost for words..anyway..the working week is going to end soon..guess she is going out with either one of them again..or both...i just can`t say anything...:(.. 14 June (230am, Saturday) Just watched a movie with her and zq,Well..finally got to see zq..Hmm..just feel kinda awkward in this kinda situation..that`s why initally i don`t want to go..not because i am indecisive or what..But alas i went as she said she needed someone to talk to in the cinema, but wasn`t the case just now.Anyway, glad to be able to see her again... 15 June (2pm, Sunday) Just went to eat my lunch and bought 4D..Well...can sense that the way she talk to me is indifferent whenever that mu toa is around..Anyway, hope she have a nice sunday ahead.. 15 June (745pm, Sunday) Had a soccer session at NUS today afternoon as usual, very hot weather today..sweating it out...She is resting at home..not sure who is with her..didn`t want to call and disturb her either..meanwhile..did a bit of update on the website..hope the figurine is safe in her hands.. 15 June (1000pm, Sunday) Hmm..she finally replied my sms..Thought she was busy so didn`t reply my sms..Realised that she being paged again..Luckily server fine after reboot..Anyway..Hope she had a nice dinner...Weekend pass by very fast... 15 June (1015pm, Sunday) As I read through the story portion of this website..i cant help having tears in my eyes and feeling that perhaps this is really just a story..A story that will never have an ending..In the mind of the person involved, he is just hoping things will be better. 16 June (1115pm Monday) Tired Monday for me...Just had a chat with her..Today finally she can get a break and be alone herself..She really need some time to think it through..Hmm..well..as what i said to her, certain things i am not good at expressing myself..though i might be quite good at talking...i wish i can heal whatever wounds she had in the past..but i afraid i won`t ever get a chance.:( 17 June (1100pm Tuesday) Just had a short chat with you, she going out with zq to pack dinner..Seems that her family members is mistaken about me..nevermind.. 18 June (1850pm Wednesday) Today is earliest time i reach home..maybe in this year so far..don`t have the mood to work at all after hearing that she didn`t keep to her words again..Thought she finally decided to have a break and be alone for a while and think it through..But it wasn`t the case..and the way she reacted was as if i am in the wrong..i just merely sad to know that she didn`t meant what she said over and over again........................................ 18 June (2000pm Wednesday) I am just very upset..i dunno how to continue............................................................................................................................................................. 19 June ( 1400pm Thursday) Just met her for lunch, didn`t have the appetite as didn`t sleep the whole nite..and she keep on showing me faces..well..anyway..happy to see her again after a long while..but sad to say she wasn`t happy at all. 20 June (0240am Friday) Still haven`t got to sleep yet.240am already...anyway.hope she can manage to pass through the interview tomolo..good luck to her! 20 June (1130pm Friday) Had a dinner with her and zq, glad that judging from what she said, her chance of getting a job in the company she wanted seems quite high....she look pretty in her outfit today...tired day... 21 June (1600pm Saturday) Came to work today for some upgrades..Tiring..Hope she have a nice day ahead today....:).. 22 June (1300pm Sunday) ...........HAd a talk with that mu tou..damn irritating fella...too boastful and sacrastic..never want to have a friend like him...hmm..my mood now is just like...i dunno how to describe..is not because of that mu tou..but because of the way she behave...and the way she deal with things....she can say certain things one day..and let me found out is not the way it is......i have already a lot of problems on my mind about her..yet she keep wanting to make fun of me..:((((.....i just don`t understand...why is it always this way......................................................................................................................i really so dissapointed with the way she behave................................................................................but yet what can i say...or what can i doooo...i hate this..:((((((((((((((..and i hate myself... 23 June (1430pm Monday) Just had an argument yet again...i really dun understand...:(..why am i always the bad guy...i didn`t purposely want to ruin her..but to her..i am always the devil.....as what she said...i am always the one who wanted this way...well..put it this way... i am the one that is stupid...i am tired..:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( 24 June (2300pm Tuesday) I am tired..sleepless the whole nite yesterday....and just now this evening, she just make a big fuss over a minor thing..i just put my handfone inside the laptop bag for just 5-10 minutes..and went to buy some food as i didn`t ate whole day..and just at the moment..she called and i didn`t realise it as my hp was always on slient mode.....Well..i wasn`t petty at all...i know she was placed in a diffucult position when that mou tou wanted to find her..that`s why i didn`t say much....hmm...i dun like that mu tou at all...Though i dunno him well, i can say he is certainly not the type of mu tou anyone willl want..i have seen a lot of guys in my life i can say...if mu tou is that great..lotsa gal will have wanted him long ago..Nevertheless, ren ge you zhi, she rather he keep talking to me which i hate it and she noe it........ I am very very upset by this incident...It was just a slip of 5-10 minutes..in which i did not purposely ignore her at all...but why am i the devil once again.:(((..I asked my secondary sch friends out for dinner and for a drink...They knew i was very very upset as i don`t normally drink so much...i am tired.........i just feel why must it always turn out this way..It was okay one moment...and the other moment it just turn haywire in split seconds...................i am giddyyyy 27 June (130am Friday) Can`t get to sleep at all...a while she was with mu tou..a while more she was with zq in her room and spending the nite there...i just going crazy...i feel like getting out of this place....:(((((.. 28 June (1900pm Saturday) Manage to meet her up for a while just now....was rather mad at her over what happened..but nevertheless feel happy to be able to see her again....i am able to forgive and forget cause she really mean a lot to me.....but i feeling very lost.. 29 June (1500pm Sunday) Very very tired..didn`t slept well last nite also..and today she argue with zq and maybe that mu tou also..and i guess i become implicated also....anyway...taking a nap...i no mood to go anywhere... 29 June (2000pm Sunday) Just discovered that one of my server went down since morning after i switched to M1 SIM card..anyway..can`t do anything now..just see what happen tomolo morning.....terrible headache again...guess she just want to throw me aside after pressure from that mu tou and her family..what can i say...i just a nobody....if she choose it this way..what am i to say rite.:(( 30 June ( 2200pm Monday) Today is a special day..been 6 months..27 weeks and 178 days since i know her...The story continues from then on...........she didn`t feel it the same way as i do...don`t blame her though..... 01 July ( 2200pm Tues) Today took whole day off to send her in time for an interview..Didn`t expect so much arguments from her...she even hit me so hard on my head that it was in so much pain...To think that it was just because of waiting for me a while..which i was all the while in within the vicinity.But just that the road was a one way and i had no choice but to make a big round back again..Well...and she just said i am her curse and i am bu yao nei or whatsover...up to her to say..i was really very sad as i really did nothing wrong.:((( Despite all this , Manage to pass on to her a figurine in celebration of knowing her for half a year....Actually wanted to buy her a soccer figurine.but couldn`t find it...And just when i was waiting for her interview to end and i was shopping at great world city..manage to bump into the one i wanted to buy for her...So went back there after i send her home to get it..luckily i went, if not it would have been sold to others as it was the last piece in stock... 02 July ( 2200pm Wed) Tired and sleepy day today...Not in the right mood to work..so Came home quite early today and took a rest.. 03 July (2100pm Thurs) Server went down yesterday..but i didn`t know at all..thought it was a false alarm when i saw the page..as the interface was up in within 3 minutes..hmm...guess is due to my negligence that i didn`t call back to confirm...anyway..is over..... Still quite lost at what happened over the week... 04 July (1500pm Fri) Weekend Approaching soon...maybe meeting up with her later..see if she is free to meet up...intend to pass on to her the twin soccer figurines which i bought that night at great world city after sending her home...Right now still working at bedok.....going off soon.. 05 July (2000pm Sat) Glad to know that she got another opportunity for a second try at a job...Managed to pass on to her the twin figurine..hopefully, she will treasure it and keep in safe hands.....Hmm..Got myself very drunk last nite..vommitted a lot of times and right now still have headache..Have been quite some time back since i got myself so drunk...think the last time was 2-3 years back....everybody asked me why...guess maybe i may have said why when i was drunk.... 06 July (1930pm Sunday) Just came back from soccer session today..hot and humid day...went back to work today to clear some stuff with MCIO as i took off for monday so as to send her for interview...Had a chat with her before i left for work....no comments on what she said...i am still the same me i guess... 07 July (2200pm Monday) Hmm..glad to know that seems that the job is more or less secured from the way she told me and from the way i interprete and deduce. Glad to spend some time with her today although everytime was just for a while...Hope everything goes on smoothly for her.. 08 July (2100pm Tuesday) Hmmm...just reach home not long ago...tired and having a terrible headache..think something wrong with me..keep having headache....well..she finding fault with me again this evening...i knew she already arranged to meet that mu tou today..that`s why i said rubbish when she said is becoz i never wanted to go....maybe i am too harsh..i apologised..but she keep making a big fuss out of it...anyway..i know she is now with that mu tou...i dun wan to disturb...i just want to take a sleep now.. 09 July (0230am Wednesday) Just woke up from a sleep..ddin`t know i sleep so soundly.guess is becoz of my headache.....she msg me to call her about something that happened in her site..mha......hmm.think she going to make a big fuss out of it again as i failed to call her back.....i am always the devil and bad guy anyway.......well....hope everything is fine and she will hear good news tomolo.. 09 July (2100pm Wednesday) Just as i expected, she somehow already secured the job....she always tend to worry too much and too much distraction around....from what i judge....she will get the job...is only a matter of time before she can finally leave our company.....anyway..i just reach home..quite tired day....she just ended her yoga lesson and is with that mu tou now...me going to bath soon..... 10 July (2030pm Thursday) Hurray!..she finally secured the job by signing the appointment letter..guess she must be happy now that she finally can get away from this current job...i have been praying and hoping i could help her in any ways to get away from this job..finally at least she got her wishes ...well..can`t say that i help much...is more of her own performance during interviews...maybe i bring her luck or whatsover...anyway...just glad she finally found some light in her career path..though is still too early to tell whether the job will be tough for her...at least she move out of the 24x7 routine which is bothering her so much...and even more coz she is easily stressed out...every job is not smooth-sailing..is up to individual to make the best out of it...so hope she is able to crave a mark for herself in the financial world...of course she got to learn not to think unduly over small matters..and be more confident about herself. 11 July (2000pm Friday) Hmm..what a day to conclude..is the second time catching a movie with her alone..the first time i can remember was at Lido cinema...around the chinese new year period....well..today took MC..have been quite some time since i last took MC..i knew she got some free time to spare in the afternoon...that`s why i took this opportunity to spend some time with her..though i know it will be rather short...hmm..but she doesn`t feel happy that i somehow force her to meet me...well...what can i say...if she feel it this way...then i admit my mistake thenn....... 12 July (1400pm Saturday) Woke up early to go to school to sell drinkks...just reach home..pouring outside..caught in the rain while coming home.....going for an afternoon nap..not going anywhere else..going to tidy up the whole house again...nobody is going to do it....hmm..she should be with either mu tou/zq right now......i do miss her..but what can i say.....she is right to be dissapointed in me..even i am dissapointed in myself..in the way i always ended up being describe or perceive as a bad person though i really never was..... 13 July (2000pm Sunday) Long sunday today...spend the whole day washing clothes and mopping the house..keeping myself busy so as not to think over what has happened...well..i really dunno how to describe how am i feeling right now at this moment..certain things are hard to describe...nevermind.......long week ahead........... 14 July (0245am Monday) Can`t get to sleep ...tossing here and there in bed...so might as well wake up since i really can`t sleep...guess she must be soundly in sleep right now...i have been thinking about her and her voice keep ringing in my mind.....:(....going to listen to some songs now..hopefully i can get some rest..... 14 July(0500am Monday) Still unable to get some rest..quite tired already... 15 July(0100am Tuesday) ......same thing again today... 15 July (1130pm Tuesday) Shifted this diary corner to a new web-link...This should capture all my daily activities and my thoughts and feelings everyday...I know she will be wondering how come all the daily is gone now....got her email of the precious moments 2004 calender..have already update the precious moment web-link to include the 2004 calender.....This is the longest period of time that i never contact her or vice versa..has been a painful thing to me....i just dun wan her to be unhappy by my presence......i know on my part is very very diffucult.but what can i say.... 16 July (2100pm Wednesday) She called me at lunch time today to tell me the good news that the singtel vp wanted her for a second interview next week..guess she can go just for the experience as she already secured one job the week before. 17 July (2200pm Thursday) My colleague indian guy last working day today...anyway..sent her to one of the training sessions at science park before going to chai chee..sent her to meet yl for dinner while i went back office to shift my things to indian guy table...Had a talk with her after that.... 18 July (1900pm Friday) Sent her to work early in the morning..then attended the staff conference..Met her for dinner after that and she make herself angry over a "light bulb" taken at the staff conference..right now in office taking laptop as well as charging handfone in case she can`t get me on the fone later..going to get the "light bulb" back from my colleagues as i earlier left it with her as i do not have a bag with me..but she thought i gave it away and make herself unhappy... 19 July (1900pm Saturday) Was able to meet up with her for a while this afternoon to go to west mall to see th e starhub anniversary roadshow..managed to play some games there and she won a water bottle and i won a mug..she wanted the cushion badly..i told her i will get it for her..hope heaven is on my side..*praying*..hmm..anyway..she is rather clumsy..keep knocking on things..like she knock her head against the metal railing in the japenese restaurant...hope she is feeling better now..she should be with mu tou on the way to listen to songs... 20 July (2200pm Sunday) Hurray!!..managed to get the starhub cushion that she wanted badly yesterday..went in the afternoon to west mall at 2pm after server maintenace in chai chee to try my luck..but the starhub pple was out for break till around 430pm...so my sec sch frd raymond pick me up at west mall and head for soccer... and in the evening...got him and another sec sch frd ,tianjun...to go with me again to west mall......i was under pressure to get the cushion..i have only three attempts....tianjun being shy..didn`t took part..raymond went first..he didn`t got anything...then it was my turn..the first attempt was poor...all three box opened didn`t have any "man" pictures at all..second attempt was good...two box has "man" pictures...so is down to the last attempt..like "do-or-die" mission..so the last box i think very hard...then i thought of sth..then i choose the box..alas..i got it!..i was very happy and delighted !. 21 July (2220pm Monday) Hmm..got my bonus today..quite a fair bit..everyone in the office was rather happy..but i wasn`t.....was rather moody....anyway...she just put down the fone.. discovered that mu tou is with her in her room.......the feeling i got is really terrible....i didn`t shout, i didn`t raise my voice.....:((.. i dunno what else to say....:( 22 July (2100pm Tuesday) Just reach home a while ago...had an enjoyable day today..went for kite flying at marina south..been really very long since i fly a kite..think i was still a kid..around 5-6 years old when my mum brought me to fly kite..how i wish every week i could go kite flying with her...Anyway..she went for dinner with zq..as it was his chinese bd... 23 July (1320pm Wednesday) Just had my lunch..getting very sleepy..guess it was becoz i slept late last nite..yesterday her sis went to hospital..was worried that she will be too worried or too stress..so i went down to NUH A and E which was the closest hospital..but then i realise that they have went to TTS..and i went straight there till around 2am..Then i went back home myself.. A sleepy day today... 24 July (2030pm Thursday) Reach home not long ago...haven`t eaten yet....not in the mood to either..well..how should i continue about writing....certain things i really dunno how to spell it out..:(. 25 July (0400am Friday) Cant get to sleep...0400am liao..a few more hours then need to wake up and work already...hmm..had a talk with her just now for a while...well..all i can say is she really meant a lot to me..but what can i say.:(...weekend approching very soon....gotta try to get some sleep..if not tomolo will be like zombie again liao....hope she having a good rest and sweet dreams right now.. 26 July (2200pm Saturday) Didn`t go anywhere today...wasn`t in the mood to do anything today...headache and not feeling well either... 27 July (2100pm Sunday) Didn`t go for soccer today as my feet still a bit pain... Had a bit of heated talk with that guy...all along i wanted to help her do up her pc...it wasn`t a diffucult task afterall...all it takes is around 1 hours to complete everything if everything goes smoothly...he is just being arrogant..anyway...better not comment too much on him...is up to individual to judge anyway.. 28 July (2200pm Monday) Today left work at 2plus to meet her as she can knock off from work early as she just need to get some user signature..Anyway..we spend the supposely tea break time at Lot 1 shopping mall..Glad to be able to see her today..She looks tired today.. 29 July (1930pm Tuesday) Took OFF today to help her set up her pc as her old pc need to be shifted to her sister hostel..Manage to spend some time with her today..though it was short..but every moments spend with her is something to be treasured indeed..Me just reached home..she is with her family at the temple in clementi..i popped by just now to take a look and offer my prayers too.. Hope she is not too sad... 02 August (0440am Saturday) Two hours more and i will embark on the journey up to malaysia.haven`t slept a wink at all....hmmm...imagine the gal i love so much spending the nite with another guy and tomolo i am in fact going on a tour with them...i must be crazy..how can i tolerate this..it is a painful feeling which nobody can describe...i dunno how this trip will end up..but just hope she can finally take a break and be happy.....nothing else matters more.. 02 August(Genting) 03 August (KL) 04 August (Home Sweet Home) 05 August (2200pm Tues) First day of work since i came back from the trip...Very tired..Dun feel like starting work.. Well, the trip was a mixed of happiness and unhappiness. Hmm..I did enjoyed the trip as i am able to spend a lot of time with her in which i never had the chance before. Not too sure how she felt about the whole trip..Hope she is happy and enjoyed the trip though there was minor arguments here and there. 06 August (2100pm Wed) Met her for lunch today for a while..Nice to be able to see her again...even if it is just for a while..She looks tired today..think cause she got a lot of things to rush b4 going on leave 2molo.. 07 August (1310 pm Thurs) Today is that guy birthday..She is with him right now...once again..what can i say...not in the mood to work at all now.... 08 August (0330am Friday) Had a talk with her just now..not able to sleep at all..hmm..hurt myself just now cause was too angry..:((..well.should say i never felt so lost before in my life..other than losing my mum.....dunno what time can i get to sleep.... 06 Sept (1013am Sat) Haven`t been updating this website for quite a while already..been in reservist for almost the whole month..hardly had any chance to update this portion..Well..so much have actually happened over the whole month...between me and her........i was happy when i am just able to see her and spend time with her..irregardless of where and how much time we have..Even if just able to see her from far...perhaps all were to come to nothing eventually..to her..i do not possess the so called "security" she wants..be it in terms of monetary or in terms of thoughts...if that is her perspective..then i choose not to change/force her to think otherwise...or to think alike with me....i dun believe in changing the person i love to think alike or to change just to suit my liking..it wouldn`t be happy at all...i rather just leave in sadness than make the other party unhappy....maybe i will never know anyone like her anymore...or perhaps i will choose not to be with anyone anymore.. i m getting tired...:(((... 08 Sept (1135pm Monday) I AM VERY DISSAPOINTED....:(((((((((....
