The show starts off with Chandler searching the offices of Williams Enterprises for Peter. Seems Peter sabotaged the Dress2K deal and Chandler was none too happy about it. Peter was sleeping in his office because he worked all night. Chandler kicked in the door. The noise did not awaken Peter. Luckily, he left a pitcher filled with water next to him for Chandler to toss on him. That did the trick.

He woke up and screamed for a towel. No one brought him one. Everyone forgot to put one in their briefcases that morning. Just how could they forget to bring a towel to work? I'd fire them all.

As Chandler was berating Peter about his evildoings, they were surprised by the appearance of Heather and Richard, home early from their honeymoon. Richard was not too happy with how either of them were handling the Dress2K situation.

So Peter and Chandler exit with Heather close behind. Peter makes a crack about her nice tan. Whether that qualifies her for the Fortune 500. I don't think a $100 million company would even make the Fortune 5000.

Then the opening credits roll with a new theme song. What happened to the Sneaker Pimps' "Six Underground?" I really liked that song.

At the After Dark... I mean the Jazz Club... I mean Pulse, David and Jennie had a disagreement over offering a contract to some lame-ass band. She said she could fire him on the spot for insubordination. He said he quit. She said she was joking. He asked her out.

You know, both of their eyes are so blue that they seem to emit their own light.

A press conference was underway at Williams Enterprises. A reporter queried Heather as to whether someone with so little experience as she would be qualified to run Dress2K. I would think a reporter would have found that she didn't have little experience. She had none.

Next reporter said that word had it that Heather had a sixth sense about how to dress the American woman. Whose word? Do those people know something about her mysterious past that we haven't been told yet?

Heather managed to pull the wool over the reporters' eyes as to her ability, but not Peter's. He told her he was anxious to see her fall on her face. She countered that Dress2K's stock has risen 50 points since she's been aboard. She said it as if she implemented some major plan to account for the rise. She's done nothing but cut short her honeymoon.

A couple of social workers showed up at Gwen's doorstep. They were there to give her custody of her nephew, the Backstreet Boy-looking Ethan. Ethan's mom, Gwen's sister, bit the dust and his dad abandoned him so it was up to Gwen to take care of him. Only no one told Gwen. You would think that social services would need a written, at least an oral, confirmation before delivering a child.

Ethan, who also could pass for a Meaty Cheesy Boy, didn't remember Gwen. But Gwen said he could stay with her. She asked him if he would like that. Hmmm, Beverly Hills or foster home? Tough choice. After much agonizing, he decided to stay.

Oh, one other thing no one told Gwen - the kid's a delinquent.

Ethan's supposed to be 14 but looks more like he's 20. At least he didn't have a receding hairline like Dylan did on 90210.

It was Richard's turn to scold Peter about the Dress2K near-fiasco. Peter threatened to quit. He said he had three offers for a job. Turns out he consulted Richard's lawyer and he in turn relayed the information to Richard. So much for confidentiality. Or common sense. Peter should have hired his own lawyer.

Turns out the offers weren't all that great so Peter turned tail and scampered out of Richard's office.

Then Chandler got the treatment for not informing on Peter. He said the next time a situation like that arose, he'd make like a pig and squeal. Much to the delight of dad.

Gwen and Ethan were getting acquainted over lunch. I think he was having an Ultimate Cheeseburger - cheese, meat, cheese, cheese, meat and that's it... Anyway, all Ethan knew about Gwen was what his dad had told him - that Gwen was a bitch. She called his dad a big, fat liar.

Working late at the aviation division, Chandler was surprised by Sam. She used the delivery of blueprints as an excuse to see him. But before there was any hanky panky, the other token minority, Scott, interrupted.

After Sam left, Scott said he could she the sparks between them. Chandler said there's nothing going on. Scott said tons of guys at division want to get with her. Though at this point, it seems like the division only has two employees, Scott and Chandler.

In her bedroom, Heather was going over the latest Dress2K stats. Richard, being an old guy, had already passed out. Heather slinkied herself up and strolled on over to Peter's room. Why's he still living with dad? He should get a mansion of his own.

He just got out of the shower and was only wearing a towel. The dude needs to get to a gym. He looked like a scrawny, girly man.

Heather came on to him to try to get him help her decipher the numbers. He wasn't interested in the figures or her figure. This was the second time he's turned her down. He has GOT to be gay.

Over breakfast, Laurie expressed her concerns to Gwen regarding Ethan. She gets a bad vibe from him and hasn't been leaving her jewelry out. If she moved into her own mansion, she'd have nothing to worry about.

Gwen said to give him a chance. After all, he's a Williams. No he's not. Since he's her sister's son, he has no Williams blood in him.

Heather arrived at her office to discover Sam hanging out. She wondered what Sam was doing there. Sam said she was made her "Number Two." What's that in the real world? Chief Operating Officer? Executive Vice President? Or Personal Assistant? And who's Heather's "Number One?"

Heather wasn't happy with what she considered being given a "babysitter." She stormed into Richard's office to complain. He explained that Sam was one of the companies finest assets. I'd certainly say her assets are fine. He also said that she'd be able to keep Heather more grounded after some of the outrageous ideas she's been spewing. So either the honeymoon's over, or Richard's able to separate business from family. Either way, Heather acquiesced and accepted Sam as her "Number Two," whatever the hell that is.

So Sam and Heather go to the mall to do some field research. Sam said a clothing line is succesful based on two things - luck and more luck. And the latter requires money. So that's three things. No, the first two things were the same so it is actually two things. Whatever.

Heather reasoned that since Richard has millions, money would not be an issue. Sam pointed out that it's the family that controls the money, not just Richard. If I were Richard, I'd have a word with the people that drafted the charter for Williams Global Enterprises.

So Heather had to find a way to get in the good graces of the entire family. How would she do that? Sam told her about the traditional family dinners the Williamses used to have on Thursdays. How could they do it on Thursdays? They'd miss NBC's "Must See TV." Anyway, Heather planned to host a dinner party to win over the entire family.

At the After Dark... I mean the Jazz Club... I mean Pulse, Laurie was miffed about the cost of living clause that David put in the contract the band signed. How long's the band going to perform? If they play for a week, that clause might result in an expenditure of nickels, maybe even dimes. The stockholders will surely be outraged.

Laurie's real concern was David's relationship Jenny. She said Jenny was emotionally fragile and that she was an alcoholic. Laurie's either truly concerned about Jenny, or she's trying to sabotage the relationship because she's got the hots for David herself. I say hots.

Back at the compound, Heather was upset because she saw Richard's car in Gwen's driveway. She must have had the binoculars out because of the half-mile driveways of Beverly Hills. Richard explained that he was there to greet his long lost nephew. Heather apologized and took the opportunity to spring her dinner party idea on him. It would be a good way to welcome him to the family. But only if they serve Ultimate Cheeseburgers - cheese, meat, cheese, cheese, meat and that's it...

Chandler lured Sam underneath the treehouse where they first kissed as kids. Just as they relived their childhoods and kissed again, Heather stepped out onto her balcony and saw them. What perfect timing. She did not look too happy. Her "Number Two" at work was swapping spit with her "Number One" at heart.

The next night, David and Jenny arrived at the compound for Heather's dinner party. Not only does het get to meet the family on their first date, meeting the family IS the first date. What a nightmare! Meeting the family was never a nightmare for me. My girlfriends' parents and siblings loved me. Turned out my girlfriends didn't.

Anyway, it wasn't David that was nervous, it was Jenny. David surmised it was because she was dying for a drink. Jenny immediately knew it was Laurie that told him she was a boozehound. How'd she know? Because David hasn't spoken to anyone since he got to LA besides Jenny, Laurie and Uncle Jack. And Jack went back to Europe last week.

But David said he was told she was an ex-boozehound. That there was a difference. There isn't a difference. If you're an alcoholic, you're an alcoholic.

They go in and Chandler and Sam follow shortly. Introductions to Ethan were made but someone was conspicuously missing. It was the hostess, Heather. She made a grand entrance by walking down the stairs with a dress cut down to there.

Ethan's first thought must have been, "She looks just like that girl from 'Baywatch.'" His first words to her were, "Nice dress. What's keeping it up? Velcro?" Her reply was the line of the week, "They're called breasts." Any line with "breast" in it has got to be line of the week.

Since Heather had the place redecorated, she offered Gwen a tour. They ended up in the bedroom where Heather pointed out that Richard was an early morning riser. Gwen didn't recall that trait. She said he liked to sleep in. Heather asked whether it was because he had trouble waking up. No, Richard had trouble getting sleep. Meow, meow!

They made it down to the dinner table without clawing each other. Heather made a toast welcoming Ethan to the family. Jenny watched as everyone drank and eyeballed all the alcohol spread across the table. There was alcohol everywhere. She couldn't control herself at dad's house like she could at the After Dark... I mean the Jazz Club... I mean Pulse.

It was too much for her. It was too much for me. I'm going to my 'fridge to grab another beer.

Jenny retreated to dad's den to steal a drink. David followed. She poured herself a drink which David knocked out of her hand. Ouch, I hate to see good alcohol go to waste. She said she needed that drink. She had emotional baggage pole vaulting down her brain stem. My emotional baggage pole vaults UP my brain stem.

Back at the dinner table, Richard and Gwen related an amusing family anecdote when Heather tried to make an analogy to said story with the latest statistics regarding the female demographics. Peter saw through her plan. He knew she was trying to suck up to them in order to get more funding for Dress2K.

Heather tossed her drink at him. Peter smugly suggested she should have been drinking Merlot because they were having beef. Chardonnay for fish. But earlier, Richard noted that she was drinking water. Unknown to everybody but her and Chandler, it was because she was pregnant.

Too bad he interrupted her though. I wanted to see where her analogy was going.

The next morning, Jenny had it out with Laurie. Jen didn't appreciate it that Laurie told David she was an alcoholic. She was tired of Laurie being Miss Perfect. Just like Sydney hated Jane for being "Perfy" on "Melrose Place."

Jenny also thought it was because Laurie had the hots for David. How'd she know? I knew because I read it in Soap Opera Digest. Laurie denied it. She said she did it because she was trying to protect her.

Jenny told Laurie about how she tried to sneak a drink and how David stopped her. She exited and told Laurie that she was going to where any self-loathing drunk would go at 8 in the morning - to an AA meeting. Any self-loathing SURFER drunk. At that hour, most people with real jobs are on their way to work.

So Jenny gets to the meeting and who happens to be speaking? It's David! He was telling the story about what happened the night before to the other surfer drunks. He said he hadn't had a drink in seven years and doesn't intend to start again. But he doesn't know about his friend, who he really cares about. Which brought a smile to Jenny's face.

Chandler returned to the compound and the butler told him Sam was on the phone. Heather picked up the phone and eavesdropped on their conversation. He has got to get his own line. Better yet, he should get his own mansion. Heather learned that they were going to meet in an hour backed out of her trip to Seattle with Richard.

Across the street, Gwen caught Ethan trying to run away. He was not impressed with the dinner party. But I guess she convinced him to stay.

Back at the compound, Heather emerged from the swimming pool sopping wet in a teeny, gold bikini. She went to Chandler under the guise of needing a towel. Her true intent was to ruin his date with Sam. Looks like she suceeded. The episode ended with them locking lips.

Tune in next week for "Stormy Heather." I've got the spoiler posted at http://geocities.datacellar.net/tvtitans/. Also new there is a Soap Opera Digest profile of Josie Davis, a SOD article naming Yasmine Bleeth one of soaps' most beautiful women and a Harper's Bazaar fashion layout featuring the entire cast.

And here's a bit of bad news. The show is tanking in the ratings. The numbers have declined for the second week in a row. If you're Heather and need some further explanation, the show has lost almost 40% of the viewers who tuned in for the premiere. So who knows whether or not the show will last until the reappearance of Uncle Jack in Episode Six.

And finally, here's my prediction for the World Series - New York in six.