ARRRRRGH! I bought some cheap memory that fried my good computer with the DSL connection. This is brought to you via my 6 year old computer with a 28.8 modem.

This week's episode started off at a party honoring Richard and Gwen. Seems they donated big bucks to the Beverly Hospital and established the Williams Cardiac Wing. I would think a Beverly Hills hospital would be more in need of a Cosmetic Surgery Wing.

As Richard and Gwen danced, Peter took the opportunity to break the news to Heather that Gwen's Resort Division will be getting a cash infusion and Dress2K will be getting squat. What a bastard! Damn the potential $50,000 fine. I still feel like throwing a bat at him.

Jenny dragged David onto the dance floor. But what happened last week at The Afterdark... I mean The Jazz Club... I mean Pulse? Did they do the horizontal mambo on the bar?

Laurie stared longingly at David as he danced with Jenny. She wanted to dance herself so she asked her Meaty Cheesy Boy cousin, Ethan, to be her partner. He agreed, but only if she taught him how to use her scuba gear. Future episode storyline - Ethan gets entangled in a kelp bed.

Anyway, Laurie commented on his negotiation skills. She said he is definitely a Williams. Again, he's not. There's no Williams blood in him unless Richard, Peter or Jack (Chandler's excluded because he's adopted, remember?) did Gwen's sister.

Upset at the news of Dress2K's financing, Heather left the party. Chandler followed to offer comfort. Peter followed because he's a nosy bastard.

Heather asked Chandler if he ever wondered what it would have been like if they stayed in Hawaii. Well, for one thing, he would have ended up in the brig for being AWOL.

Chandler pushed her away and said he didn't want to be a part of her sick fantasies. Huh? What's wrong with him? I live for sick fantasies. And Peter already has the token gay guy title.

The slow walking Peter only managed to overhear the sick fantasies part of the conversation. But he suspected something going on between her and Chandler and vowed to get to the bottom of it.

The next morning, Richard saw that Heather was still pissed that Gwen got funding and Dress2K didn't. Heather felt like she's playing second fiddle to Gwen. Well, Gwen has proven she can run a company and all Heather has done was spout outrageous ideas.

Mark, one of Chandler's Navy buddies stopped off at the compound to say hi to Chandler. Mark asked what ever became of the brunette he met in Hawaii, the one he shacked up with at one of Wlliams Global Enterprises' hotels. Chandler nervously said nothing became of it. But nosy bastard Peter heard this and his interest was piqued. Could the brunette have been Heather?

A glowing Jenny and David awoke in David's bed. So between the very first scene of the show when Chandler slept with Heather, and this one, a span of five episodes, the only people that have slept together were Heather and Richard. What's this world coming to when the only people having sex are married to each other?

Jenny wanted David to play hooky from work so they could roll around in bed some more. But he said he had to put together a presentation regarding franchising the club in Australia. Jenny said she wanted to make the presentation. So she called Laurie for her approval.

Laurie was in the pool giving Ethan scuba lessons so he could get entangled in a kelp bed in a future episode. Laurie agreed to let Jenny make the pitch even though she has no experience. Jenny was grateful and said she'd be at work in an hour. There was something she had to do first. She had to do David.

Instead of hanging up the phone, Jenny just dropped it. Instead of hanging up the phone, Laurie just listened in. What she heard was the sounds of sex. And she didn't even have to pay $3.99 a minute. But she wasn't happy about the free phone sex because she liiiikes David.

While flying in a company jet, Mark suggested that Chandler re-enlist in the Navy. Scott, the token black guy, said he wouldn't do it. The Aviation Division and his family need him.

That's a weak argument. The Aviation Division survived while he was in the Navy. And the family seemed to be doing better before he came back.

Peter ambushed Heather and Gwen by inviting them to dinner without either of them knowing the other would be there. He wanted to broker a peace between the two and share the $20 million Richard gave Gwen to upgrade the resorts.

So Samantha suggested that the resorts be refurbished gradually, with the smaller hotels first and the flagship resorts later. But Gwen said resorts like the Hana Windstar hadn't been renovated in over a decade. Without thinking, Heather said the Hana Windstar was fine. Peter asked whether she had been there - either during her honeymoon or that time two months ago when she and Richard had a spat and she took off to Hawaii on her own.

She got her brain in gear, albeit low gear, and said that's what her friends told her. Who are these friends she speaks of? And why haven't we seen any of them.

Anyway, Gwen left without agreeing to share her bounty. Then Heather left before the wine that Peter ordered arrived. When the waiter finally brought it, it looked like he was carrying a champagne bottle. Another example of Spelling skimping on props.

While jogging the next morning, Chandler told Richard he wanted to re-up. Richard did not approve. He said he lost him once before and would not let it happen again. It would kill him. So I'm wondering, what exactly happened to cause Richard to lose Chandler to the Navy? Like I said before, most rich boys avoid military service like the plague. Just ask Bill Clinton.

A computer technician, supposedly the best at Williams Global, was working on Peters laptop. He said, "Point, click, upgrade complete." Yeah right, that's what the folks at Microsoft would like you to believe. If the techie thinks it's that easy, I invite him to come on over to fix my crashed computer.

Anyway, Peter asked the techie to download the digital surveillance video from the Hana Windstar from two months ago. So those surveillance cameras have gone digital? And they would keep the video for two months? They must have some big ass hard drives.

Jenny rehearsed her presentation in front of Laurie and David. She was thrilled at her performance until Laurie posed a mock question. Having never presented before, she didn't know there's be follow up questions. She freaked. She said she wasn't good at thinking on her feet, a trait she shares with her stepmom. The obvious solution would be for David or Laurie to take over the presentation for the Q&A session. But did any of them think of it? Nope.

Scouring the videos late into the night, Peter hit the jackpot. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw Chandler and Heather making out in an elevator.

The next morning, Peter beckoned Heather into his office. He showed her the video. What did he want for not showing it to Richard? Dress2K. She offered to do anything he wanted in order to get him to change his mind. I'd want her to clean my bathroom. He wanted her to divorce his dad and crawl back under the rock the came from.

David called Jenny to see how she was doing. She said she was nervous about the meeting. He suggested she take some deep breaths to relax. She decided to take some deep shots. She found what looked like a bottle of Gordon's Orange-Flavored Vodka in the freezer and took a big swig. I'm going to the fridge now to grab another beer to swig on myself.

I'm back. And Richard was talking to Gwen about Chandler re-enlisting. He said life in the military is clear-cut. The real world is more complicated. He don't know the half of it.

They then went on to talk about their relationship. He said he was sorry he screwed up their marriage. That it was his fault. So I'm wondering, what exactly did Richard do to ruin his marriage?

Jenny's presentation was a success. Off they went to The Afterdark... I mean The Jazz Club... I mean Pulse to celebrate. Performing was someone I actually heard of, Debelah Morgan (Debelah sounds like how my mother would pronounce Deborah). In fact, the song she poorly lip-synched to, "Dance With Me," is my current favorite.

Jenny was missing in action so Laurie went looking for her. She found her in the bathroom, where Jenny was hiding in a stall sneaking a drink. Jenny tried to mask the smell of alcohol on her breath with a shot of Binaca. But the scent also exudes from your pores. Any self-respecting drunk would know that. I know that.

Chandler asked Samantha who the procession of suits were that made their way into Peter's office. She said they were attorneys that were transferring control of Dress2K over to Peter. Chandler commented that Peter must have some leverage over Heather. Samantha didn't think so. She still bought into his story that he had changed. Chandler didn't think so.

He went over to the bar where Peter was dancing the whiteman-overbite to the music. He dragged him aside and asked him why Heather would transfer control of Dress2K. He said it was because Heather approached him for help. But Chandler didn't buy it. He stormed off. Peter whiteman-overbit it across the dance floor.

The next morning, Heather admitted to Chandler that Peter was blackmailing her with the video. Chandler said it was time to come clean. But Heather said no. There's got to be another way. Chandler gave her 24 hours to find the way.

He's always giving her ultimatums. The last time, he demanded she tell Richard about the pregnancy. She didn't come through. What made him think she would this time?

At Williams Global, Heather reluctantly signed over Dress2K to Peter. A joyous Peter saw Samantha in the hall and asked her out to dinner. Miffed at his takeover, she turned him down. But that was before he told her he would let her run the company. I think that would warrant more than just dinner. But since Peter's gay, dinner is all she should expect. Ethan found a hungover Jenny in the kitchen. He asked why she wasn't on her theater date with David. She said she had a migraine and that Laurie was filling in for her. But Ethan saw her sneaking a drink. He knew she was hungover and offered to stay home and watch TV with her. What a sweet gesture.

After the theater, Laurie denied crying over "Death of a Salesman." Her running mascara betrayed her. David thought her ice-queen persona was self-perceived. That it was stifling her spontaneity. So to be spontaneous, she tossed him into a fountain.

He feigned a back injury and when she reached over to help him out, he pulled her in. She's so gullible. She would probably fall for the old there's-somthing-on-your-shirt gag.

While in the water, their eyes met and sparks flew. But nothing happened. Good thing the water was cold.

Back at the Williams compound, Chandler told Peter that he knew that Peter knew about him and Heather. Peter said that lots of sons sleep with their father's wives. In Greek tragedies, B-movies and torrid novels. He left out cheesy, primetime soaps.

Chandler decided to tell Richard the truth about his little affair with Heather. He barged upstairs to Heather and Richard's bedroom where they were in the middle of a chapter of their own torrid novel. When he entered the room without knocking, Heather was on the phone with 911 and Richard was clutching his chest.

The previews of next week's episode gave away that he was dead. Another case of death by Viagra. I can't think of a better way to go.

That's it for this week.

The show has thus far survived two rounds of NBC cancellations. So far, "Tucker" and "Deadline" have been axed by the Peacock Network. How much longer can "TITans" survive? Maybe the return of Jack Wagner next week will revive the show.

In the meantime, please pray that I can revive my computer.