Seems like old times. Monday night. Eight PM. Cheesy Spelling show. But this time around, I have to spread the writing of my comments over two nights because I can't stay awake past 3 AM any longer.

So the show starts off with Chandler arriving at the hospital after they notified him of Heather's accident. He tried to rush through some doors marked "Nurses Station." He either knew which room Heather would be in or he would be sticking his head into every room.

But someone stopped him and said to him that nobody passes through those doors unless they're dead or have a medical condition. Chandler told the guy that someone he cared about was just rushed there. He was her stepson and his dad was Richard, the man whose name was on the plaque next to the doors.

The plaque read "Richard Williams Cardiac Wing." "Cardiac" must mean injuries resulting from falling down stairs.

Once the attendant found out who Chandler was, he let him pass. Or he might have thought, because of Casper Van Dien's bad acting, that Chandler was indeed dead.

Chandler made his way to Heather's room where ahe told him she lost the baby. She said what happened was best for the family. Thinking Chandler looked at her suspiciously, she accused him of thinking she did it intentionally. Suspicious, angry, joyous, sad... with Casper, who could tell the difference?

Jenny awoke in David's apartment after drinking three quarts of vodka the night before. In my youth (which was just a few months ago), I could barely walk straight the morning after drinking a mere two quarts of vodka. But Jenny was able to steadily walk to her purse and pulled out a vial which contained a powdery substance I assume was cocaine.

After a few scoops of the stuff, Laurie arrived. She was surprised at Jenny's chipper mood. I would be too, considering the last time they saw each other when Jenny was coherent, Jenny bitch-slapped Laurie and accused her of stealing David away.

All that alcohol must have made Jenny forget what she had done previously.

After a few scoops of the stuff, Laurie arrived. She was surprised at Jenny's chipper mood. I would be too, considering the last time they saw each other when Jenny was coherent, Jenny bitch-slapped Laurie and accused her of stealing David away.

All that alcohol must have made Jenny forget what she had done previously.

After a few scoops of the stuff, Laurie arrived. She was surprised at Jenny's chipper mood. I would be too, considering the last time they saw each other when Jenny was coherent, Jenny bitch-slapped Laurie and accused her of stealing David away.

All that alcohol must have made Jenny forget what she had done previously.

While we're on the subject of alcohol, on December 5th, 1933, the 21st Amendment was ratified and repealed the 18th Amendment, thus ending 15 years of Prohibition. Let's all raise a glass to that. I don't know why December 5th isn't a national holiday.

Anyway, the whole family met at the compound for a breakfast party to celebrate Chandler's birthday. Jack wasn't surprised or upset that Jenny was there even though she was supposed to be in rehab.

But everyone was surprised when Heather showed up and announced that she lost the baby. Gwen was very sympathetic and escorted Heather back to bed. I'd have thrown the bitch out of the house. Her supposed tie to the family ended after she did the full gainer down the stairs.

When Peter finally made it to work, he berated Samantha for stealing the Crocker negotiation from him. Mergers and acquisitions was his domain. But Samantha told him Jack had asked her to check up on him. He replied, "Surely you jest." I'm waiting for someone to reply to one of my comments thusly. That way, I can say, "No, it's true. And don't call me Shirley."

Gwen brought some chicken soup up to Heather. Once again, Heather said maybe losing the baby was best for the family. This enraged Gwen. Gwen accused her of first using Richard's death and now using the baby's death. Jack entered and Heather said Gwen had been terrible to her. She hugged Jack to try to play on his sympathy. But I think Jack's too smart for that. I don't think he bought it.

At one of their many board meetings, Jack announced Williams Global would be selling the Beverly Hotel to some French lady, Margo Dupree. Jack reasoned that they could use the money to renovate their other resorts without dragging down the company's bottom line.

Gwen objected to the sale. She said the Beverly was their flagship hotel. A few weeks ago, the Hana Windstar in Hawaii was the flagship.

Then Heather arrived looking like Carmen Miranda. All she needed was some fruit on her head. She came back begging for a job. She even said she'd work under Samantha.

Jack, speaking for the rest of the family, accepted her back. Peter said if they took a vote, they would find that Jack doesn't speak for the family. He didn't want her back. Neither did Gwen. But Jack's the final word and said she stays. If they were in Floriduh, they'd still be counting ballots.

Ethan interrupted Faith practicing her tennis. He should have let her practice. She stinks. Ethan asked her to accompany him to Pulse. She wondered how they could get in since they were underaged. He said he could swing it because it was Chandler's birthday party. I think it's a good way for Pulse to lose their liquor license. I'm pretty sure California's Alcoholic Beverage Control Department would not accept "it's Chandler's birthday" as a valid excuse.

At the club, as a Gwen Stefani wannabe was performing, family turmoil ensued. Laurie longingly eyed David as he danced with Jenny. And Ethan longingly eyed Faith after she ditched him on the dance floor to dance onstage with the guitar player.

Apparently, Heather wasn't invited to Chandler's party. She was sitting in the gazebo when Chandler got home. He alleged that she was waiting there for him. He then questioned her about her use of "losing the baby was best for the family." He said she used it three times. First on him in the hospital. Then on his mother (How'd he know that? Does he have Heather's room bugged?). Then on Peter.

I've played back the tape four times, and I still can't find when she said it to Peter.

The next morning, a very worried Laurie called David to tell him Jenny never made it home. She was afraid Jenny might be on another bender. But David assured her Jenny was OK. How'd he know? Because she was lying next to him. Doh! Laurie was none too pleased.

Samantha was summoned to the compound. As she arrived, Peter was complaining about Samantha's demotion. Something nobody had told her yet. Jack said it was his decision to have Samantha and Heather jointly run Dress2K. Peter thought it was a bad idea and mouthed off to Jack. Jack threatened to fire him. Peter threatened a lawsuit then stormed off. Samantha followed.

At the Beverly Hotel, Gwen knocked on Margo Dupree's room and entered. Hotel rooms in Beverly Hills are not equipped with locks. She found Margo in the bedroom and asked her whether she was aware of the California Inns and Hotels Act. Gwen said the act allowed her to refuse service to anyone. I don't think the ACLU would take too kindly to the act. But the act doesn't really exist. In fact, nothing in California law is called an act. They're called codes. Real code or not, Gwen threw Margo out.

Peter and Samantha had gone to a bluff which overlooked a house. At the house was a woman and her baby. Peter spun his sob story. She was Maureen, someone Peter had fallen in love with at 19 but Richard didn't approve of. Richard said he'd disinherit him if he married her. So he chose the money over her. He tearfully told Samantha how it broke her heart and his heart. And that explains why he is the man he is today. Angry, cold and heartless. He left out gay.

He then sobbed he didn't think another woman would be able to see his good side and that he was afraid of getting hurt again. Samantha told him not to worry. She sees the good and kissed him. Boy, the way things worked out, you'd think he planned it.

It was Faith's turn to interrupt Ethan practicing his tennis. She should have let him practice. He stinks. She apologized for ditching him at the club and kissed him. I'd say young Ethan was gonna get some but we all know minors don't engage in sex.

Peter escorted Samantha home and much to his surprise, she invited him in. Since they aren't minors, they engaged. I'm betting he pictured Brad Pitt the whole time. The next morning, they did it again. He envisioned Tom Cruise that time.

The day before, Alex told Chandler that Heather transferred funds from Dress2K to the Aviation Division to finance the flying wing project. So Chandler thanked Heather and tried to apologize for his harsh words at the gazebo. But Heather dissed him by saying she financed the project because it was Richard's dream, not Chandler's.

At another of their many board meetings, Jack proclaimed he would be infusing funds to the Hotel Division for renovations without having to sell the Beverly. When asked why he had reversed his position, he replied it was because Mlle. Dupree backed out of the deal. All because Gwen tossed her out of her suite.

After the meeting, Peter drove to Maureen's house. Turned out it wasn't Maureen's house but his house and she was his tenant. She also happened to be an actress that he hired to play his lost love. And Samantha fell for it hook, line and sinker.

While jogging, Chandler came upon Heather's pulled over car. Heather had found a dog laying on the road, apparently run over. Finally, an appropriate situation to ask, "Who let the dogs out?"

A wired Jenny was rummaging through the medicine cabinet for some drugs. She found some downers. No medicine cabinet would be complete without some depressants. She was busted by Gwen. Gwen told her she was breaking her heart. Jenny said she used because she blamed herself for breaking up her parent's marriage. She caught Richard with his mistress and squeled to mom. But Gwen said the marriage was falling apart way before that.

So will this rid Jenny of her guilt and cure her addiction? Only if Robert Downey, Jr. has overcome his addiction, too. In other words, I don't think so.

Laurie showed up at Pulse. David tried to explain to her how he couldn't dump Jenny. So Laurie dumped David.

At the vet's office, the dog that was let out died. Chandler cried. He didn't cry when he learned that Heather miscarried his child. Back then, he accused her of intentionally terminating the pregnancy. And I believe that she intentionally ran over the dog.